I implied to her that this was a mutually beneficial arrangement.
She also knows that James isn’t a complete stranger to me.
I tried to give her enough to satisfy her curiosity. My sister finallycame around to believing my reasons for getting married as being compelling enough.
But like Phe, she's putting her own spin on it.
She wants to believe that this marriage is real, and that James will be there for me.
I decided not to correct her. If it makes her happy to believe in this scenario, then why not? There’s no harm done. That doesn't mean I don't feel guilty for keeping secrets from her.
Briar crosses over to Freya’s chair and perches on the armrest. "I’ll never leave you." She puts her arm around Freya’s shoulder and hugs her.
My niece is stiff for a few seconds. Then she hugs her back, before pushing her away. "Ugh, Mum, you’re embarrassing me."
Freya jumps up to her feet.
"I’m gonna go read Harry Potter." Suddenly, she’s back to being ten again. Without a second glance at me and James, she skips into her room. The door slams shut behind her.
Briar turns to us. "Sorry ‘bout that. She’s at that precocious age."
"No need to be." James flashes her a smile, which drips with charm. It’s the smile he uses when he wants to get his way with people.
And judging by how Briar’s gaze widens and how she beams back, it’s working.
"Not that Freya was wrong in the questions she asked." She turns to James. "If you do anything to hurt my sister I’ll kill you."
The words are delivered in a sweet voice. But the steel underlying them is clear.
James seems taken aback, then admiration flickers in his eyes. His features soften.
"I will never hurt Harper. I will do everything in my power to make her happy."
He leans forward, his expression intent.
"I’ll put my life on the line if that’s what’s needed to keep her smiling. I’ll always be in her corner. You can rely on me to fight for her. I’d lose everything before I let her down."
His bearing is military straight. His words feel like an oath.
"As long as I breathe, I’ll ensure she wants for nothing."
Except love.
I almost say it aloud, but stop myself at the last minute. He’s been clear that feelings are not involved for him in this agreement. It’s not fair for me to expect that from him.
But his words are still a shocker. They sound genuine. He sounds genuine. Like he means it. In fact, it sounds like he cares for me, which is ridiculous.
My sister sighs. "You said this marriage isn’t about love." She turns to me. “But his promise to take care of you and protect you. To be there for you to lean on is far more important than saying I love you."
Something painful flickers across her face.
She’s, no doubt, drawing from her own experience with Freya’s father. He told her he loved her, then walked away when she needed him most.
I can’t deny there’s truth to what she’s saying. However, I do want love in the equation. His promises feel incomplete without it.
In a daze, I gather my phone and slide it into my handbag. Then I say goodbye to Freya in her room and hug Briar goodbye before following James out.
I wasn’t able to share the entire truth with my sister. It’s dawning on me how difficult it's going to be to keep secrets from my friends too.
