The next thing I knew I was blinking back the sunlight, wincing as I brought my hand up to my aching forehead to find a soft bandage there. Realizing I was in bed, I rolled to one side, meaning to roll right off the mattress, but instead came face-to-face with Autumn.
Sound asleep, she was curled up in a fetal position beside me, one hand tucked under her cheek and the other between her leg.
I relaxed into the mattress and for a long time just watched her sleep. She didn’t twitch or jerk restlessly. She didn’t call out to the dead in her dreams. She just lay there, snoring lightly, sleeping peacefully.
Despite the pain I was in, an odd sense of comfort snaked its way through me. It reminded me ... Jesus fucking Christ, it reminded me of the way I felt when I watched my children sleep. It wasn’t exactly the same, and yet the same sense of protectiveness was there.
Reaching out, I let my fingers hover just above her cheek, wanting to touch her and yet, not wanting to touch her. Wanting to feel the softness there, wanting to touch something pure, something innocent, just one more time. And yet, not wanting to.
Eventually my hand began to tremble, and I pulled away.
“She was my wife,” I said with a sigh, and Autumn didn’t so much as stir. Taking a breath, my eyes on the ceiling, I repeated, “Jenny ... she was my wife.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Autumn
“You paying attention?”
I glanced at Adam. He’d been showing me how to change the oil in a vehicle, walking me through it step by step with the sort of forgiving patience I hadn’t expected from him, or anyone here. But Adam, I was coming to learn, was different from the others in Purgatory. He was softer, not as tense or angry. His smiles weren’t forced or fake, and his kindness seemed oddly genuine.
Nodding, I tried to smile. Adam grinned at me in response, a cocky sideways smile that made me frown and turn back to the engine we were standing beside.
“So each truck is a little different, mama. They all have their own ways about them, their own rules. Much like the curves on a woman, they’re all unique.”
He paused and I could feel him staring at me, waiting for me to acknowledge him, and when I didn’t, he cleared his throat. “You get it?” he asked, and again I simply nodded.
I didn’t get it, and I didn’t care to get it. I had no interest in doing anything in the garage, but it was where Eagle was, and never again did I want to be where he wasn’t.
Because, sweet thing, this is exactly what’s going to happen to you.
For several days Liv’s sugar-coated venom had played on a never-ending loop in my thoughts, leaving me unable to focus on much of anything but her. When was she going to strike? Because there was no doubt in my mind that she would and when she did, would Eagle be able to save me?
Would he even care?
“Hey, uh, you alive in there?” A pair of grease-stained fingers appeared in my line of sight, and snapped together. “Earth to little mama?”
Forcing myself free from my dark thoughts, I faced him and attempted to return the small smile he was giving me.
Raising his brow, Adam shook his head and turned his attention back to the engine. Making a low humming noise in the back of his throat, he absentmindedly scratched at his bare chest, overtop the scars covering his body. His hands often found their way to his chest and stomach, and wouldscratch, scratch, scratchat the bumpy, raised skin there, as if the scars irritated him somehow. But he never wore a shirt; he never hid them away. Instead, he wore those scars with a hard-edged pride.
With Adam’s attentions momentarily off me, I glanced over my shoulder and looked across the garage, seeking Eagle. He was where he usually was, seated at Tony’s desk, while Tony was perched atop it. They were discussing something, although about what I couldn’t make out. I stared for several heartbeats, hoping Eagle would look up and catch my eye, but he never did.
He’d been distant with me for the past few days, more so than usual for him. Usually he showed me some sort of emotion, even if it was only anger and annoyance. But lately it was as if he’d shut down entirely. He was a blank slate, wiped clean of anything resembling a human being. I sensed that maybe something was happening inside him, something big, a slow boil that, like a volcanic eruption, would soon simmer over and explode.
“I’ve never had a woman so disinterested in me.” Adam chuckled. “I guess E’s keeping you satisfied.”
My cheeks flaming, I shot Adam a frown. It didn’t matter that I was actually branded to Eagle, that it was all a lie in order to keep me safe. I still didn’t like the way the people here spoke so openly, as if everyone’s business was also their business. Nothing felt private; everything was always exposed and even worse, put on display to be picked apart. Maybe I’d been alone too long and was out of touch with humanity. Even so, I didn’t remember humanity being this ... this ... ugly.
But then again, that was before the world had ended, and all the good people had died.
“Hey, mama, I didn’t mean anything.” Adam reached out and touched my shoulder. “I’m just playin’, is all. No harm meant, right?”
I was wearing a tank top today, a baggy, threadbare scrap of dark blue cotton with the faded words New York Giants written across the chest. As Adam’s rough and calloused fingertips grated against my bare skin, my breath hitched. Shivering, I pulled away from him. Even though I was becoming more and more used to being around people, I still wasn’t ready to be touched. At least, not by anyone but Eagle.
“How ’bout a peace offering?” Adam said. “You thirsty?”
I was always thirsty and always hungry, because, as usual, Eagle didn’t seem to eat as normal people did. It was almost as if eating was an afterthought of his, and never in the forefront of his mind.
