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I didn’t say anything right away, because I was completely FREAKED OUT!!!! It wasn’t exactly as if it happened out of the blue, because we are sort of going out, after all.
But still, what kind of guy calls a girl on the phone and says I love you??? Except for weird psycho stalkers? And Kenny’s not a weird psycho stalker. He’s just Kenny. So what’s he doing calling me on the phone and telling me he loves me????
And then, brilliant me, here’s what I do. Because he was still on the phone, waiting for an answer, and all. So I go:
Me: Um, okay.
Um, okay.
A boy says he loves me, and this is how I respond: “Um, okay.” Oh, yeah, good thing my future career lies in the diplomatic corps.
So then, poor Kenny, he’s like waiting for some response other than “Um, okay,” as anybody would.
But I am perfectly incapable of giving him one. Instead, I just go:
Me: Well, see you tomorrow.
AND I HUNG UP!!!!!
Oh, my God, I am the meanest, most ungrateful girl in the world. After Sebastiano kills me, I am going to burn in hell.
Seriously.
TO DO BEFORE LEAVING FOR GENOVIA
Detailed list for Mom and Mr. G: How to care for Fat Louie while I am away
Stock up on cat food, litter
Christmas/Hannukah presents! For:
Mom—electric breast pump? Check on this.
Mr. G—new drumsticks
Dad—book on vegetarianism. He should eat better if he wants to keep his cancer in remission.
Lilly—what she always wants, blank videotapes for her show
Lars–See if Prada makes a shoulder holster that would fit his Glock
Kenny—gloves? Something NON-romantic
Fat Louie—catnip ball
Grandmère–What do you get for the woman who has everything, including an eighty-nine-carat sapphire pendant given to her by the Sultan of Brunei? Soap on a rope?
Break up with Kenny. . . . Only how can I? He LOVES me.
But not enough to ask me to the Nondenominational Winter Dance, I’ve noticed.
Monday, December 8, Homeroom
Lilly doesn’t believe me about Kenny calling and saying he loves me. I told her in the car on the way to school this morning (thank God Michael had a dentist appointment and wasn’t there. I would sooner die than discuss my love life in front of him. It’s bad enough having to discuss it in front of my bodyguard. If I had to discuss it in front of this person I’ve been worshiping for half my life, I think I’d probably go completely borderline personality disorder).
Anyway, so Lilly went, “I categorically refuse to believe Kenny would do something like that.”
“Lilly,” I said. I had to keep my voice down so the driver wouldn’t hear. “I am dead serious. He told me he loves me. I love you. That is what he said. It was completely random and weird.”
