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Session of Genovian Parliament
Filibuster ongoing. Would like to slip out for an Orangina, but am afraid this would look unsupportive.
8 p.m.–10 p.m.
Session of Genovian Parliament
Can’t take it anymore. Filibuster too boring. Plus René just poked his head in and smirked at me. Let him laugh. He won’t have to rule a country someday.
Thursday, January 15,
State dinner in neighboring Monaco
Grandmère finally noticed my zit. I guess the idea of me meeting Prince William with a giant zit on my chin was too much for her, since she completely flipped out. I told her I had the situation under control, but Grandmère clearly does not put as much faith in toothpaste as a complexion aid as I do. She sent for the Royal Dermatologist. He injected my chin with something, then said not to put any more toothpaste on my face.
I can’t even seem to handle a zit right. How am I ever going to rule a country?
TO DO BEFORE LEAVING GENOVIA
Find a safe place to put Michael’s present where it will NOT be found by grandmother or nosy ladies-in-waiting while packing my stuff (inside toe of combat boot?).
Say good-bye to kitchen staff, and thank them for all the vegetarian fare.
Make sure harbormaster has hung pair of scissors off every buoy in port for use of yachting tourists who didn’t bring along their own set to snip six-pack holders.
Take funny nose and glasses off the statue of Grandmère in the Portrait Hall before she notices.
Practice my “Meeting Prince William” speech. Also “Good-bye Prince René” speech.
Break François’s record of twenty feet, seven inches sock-sliding along Crystal Hallway.
Let all the doves in the palace dovecote go (if they want to come back, that is fine, but they should have the option to be free).
Let Tante Jean Marie know that this is the twenty-first century and that women no longer have to live with the stigma of dark facial hair, and leave her my Jolen.
Slip minister of finance details on parking-meter manufacturers that I got off the Internet.
Get scepter back from Prince René.
Friday, January 16, 11 p.m.,
Royal Genovian bedchamber
Tina spent all day yesterday reading Jane Eyre per my recommendation and agrees with me that there might be something to the whole letting-boys-chase-you-as- opposed-to-you-chasing-them thing. So she has decided not to e-mail or call Dave (unless he e-mails or calls first, of course).
Lilly, however, refuses to take part in this scheme, as she says game playing is for children and that her relationship with Boris is one that cannot be qualified by modern-day psychosexual mating practices. According to Tina (I can’t call Lilly because Michael might pick up the phone and then he’ll think I’m chasing him), Lilly says that Jane Eyre was one of the first feminist manifestos, and she heartily approves of us using it as a model for our romantic relationships. Although she sent a warning to me through Tina that I shouldn’t expect Michael to ask me to marry him until after he’s gotten at least one postgraduate degree, as well as a starting position with a company that pays at least two hundred thousand dollars a year, plus annual performance bonus.
Lilly also added that the one time she saw him ride a horse, Michael looked way unromantic, so I shouldn’t get my hopes up that he’s going to be jumping any stiles, like Mr. Rochester, any time soon.
But I find this hard to believe. I am sure Michael would look very handsome on a horse.
Tina mentioned that Lilly is still upset about the movie of my life they showed the other day. Tina saw it, though, and said it wasn’t as bad as Lilly is making it out to be. She said the lady who played Principal Gupta was hilarious.
But Tina wasn’t in the movie, on account of her dad having found out about it beforehand and threatening the filmmakers with a lawsuit if they mentioned his daughter’s name anywhere. Mr. Hakim Baba worries a lot about Tina getting kidnapped by a rival oil sheik. Tina says she wouldn’t mind being kidnapped though if the rival oil sheik was cute and willing to commit to a long-term relationship and remembered to buy her one of those diamond heart pendants from Kay Jewelers on Valentine’s Day.
Tina says the girl who played Lana Weinberger in the movie did a fabulous job and should get an Emmy. Also that she didn’t think Lana was going to be too happy about how she was portrayed, as a jealous princess wannabe.
Also the guy who played Josh was a babe. Tina is trying to find his e-mail address.
