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So Lilly and I very quickly drew up the following list, and presented it to Tina, in hopes that she would see the error of her ways:
MIA AND LILLY’S LIST OF ROMANTIC HEROINES AND THE VALUABLE LESSONS EACH TAUGHT US
Jane Eyre from Jane Eyre : Stick to your convictions and you will prevail.
Lorna Doone from Lorna Doone : Probably you are secretly royalty and an heiress, only no one has told you yet (this applies to Mia Thermopolis, as well).
Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice: Boys like it when you are smart-alecky.
Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With the Wind: Ditto.
Maid Marian from Robin Hood : It is a good idea to learn how to use a bow and arrow.
Jo March from Little Women: Always keep a second copy of your manuscript handy in case your vindictive little sister throws your first draft on the fire.
Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables : One word: Clairol.
Marguerite St. Just from The Scarlet Pimpernel : Check out your husband’s rings before you marry him.
Catherine, from Wuthering Heights : Don’t get too big for your britches or you, too, will have to wander the moors in lonely heartbreak after you die.
Tess from Tess of the d’Urbervilles: Ditto.
Tina, after reading the list, admitted tearfully that we were right, that romantic heroines from literature really were her friends, and that she could not, in good conscience, forsake them. We were all just breathing a sigh of relief (except for Michael and Boris—they were playing on Michael’s GameBoy) when Shameeka made a sudden announcement, even more startling than Tina’s:
“I’m trying out for cheerleading.”
We were, of course, stunned. Not because Shameeka would make a bad cheerleader—she is the most athletic of all of us, also the most attractive, and knows almost as much as Tina does about fashion and makeup.
It was just that, as Lilly so bluntly put it, “Why would you want to go and do something like that ?”
“Because,” Shameeka explained. “I am tired of letting Lana and her friends push me around. I am just as good as any of them. Why shouldn’t I try out for the squad, even if I’m not in their little clique? I have just as good a chance of getting on the team as anybody else.”
Lilly said, “While this is unarguably true, I feel I must warn you: Shameeka, if you try out for cheerleading, you might actually get on the squad. Are you prepared to subject yourself to the humiliation of cheering for Josh Richter as he chases after a ball?”
“Cheerleading has, for many years, suffered under the stigma of being inherently sexist,” Shameeka said. “But I think the cheerleading community in general is making strides at asserting itself as a fast-growing sport for both men and women. It is a good way to keep fit and active, it combines two things I love dearly: dance and gymnastics, and will look excellent on my college applications. That is, of course, the only reason my father is allowing me to try out. That and the fact that George W. Bush was a cheerleader. And that I won’t be allowed to attend any post-game parties.”
I didn’t doubt this last part. Mr. Taylor, Shameeka’s dad, was way strict.
But as for the rest of it, well, I wasn’t sure. Plus, her speech sounded a little planned and, well, defensive.
“Does that mean that if you get on the squad,” I wanted to know, “you’ll stop eating lunch with us, and go sit over there?”
I pointed at the long table across the caf from ours, at which Lana and Josh and all of their school-spirit-minded, incredibly well coifed cronies sat. The thought of losing Shameeka, who was always so elegant and yet at the same time sensible, to the Dark Side made my heart ache.
“Of course not,” Shameeka said disparagingly. “Getting on the Albert Einstein High School cheerleading squad is not going to change my friendships with all of you one iota. I will still be the camera person for your television show—” She nodded to Lilly “—and your Bio partner—” to me “—and your lipstick consultant—” to Tina “—and your portrait model—” to Ling Su. “I just may not be around as much, if I get on the squad.”
We all sat there, reflecting upon this great change that might befall us. If Shameeka made the squad, it would, of course, strike a blow for geeky girls everywhere. But it would also necessarily rob us of Shameeka, who would be forced to spend all of her free time practicing doing the splits and taking the bus to Westchester for away games with Rye Country Day.
But there was even more to it than that. If Shameeka made the cheerleading squad, it would mean she is good at something—REALLY REALLY good at something, not just a little good at everything, which we already knew about her. If Shameeka turned out to be REALLY REALLY good at something, then I would be the ONLY one at our lunch table without a recognizable talent.
And I swear it wasn’t for this reason alone that I was hoping so fervently that Shameeka wouldn’t make the team. I mean, I seriously wanted her to make it, if that was really what she wanted.
Only… only I REALLY don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t have a talent!!!! I REALLY REALLY don’t!!!!!!!
The silence at the table was palpable… well, except for the bing-bing-bing of Michael’s electronic game. Boys—apparently even perfect boys, like Michael—are immune to things like mood.
But I can tell you, the mood of this year so far has been pretty bad. In fact, if things don’t start looking up soon, I may have to write this entire year off as a do-over.
