“Right, yeah.” Matt’s chuckle sounds off, robotic. “Guess you’ve gotten used to having me available, huh?”
It’s supposed to be a tease, but it feels weirdly barbed. Nick’s heart sinks. He knew it, he’s gotten too clingy—God, he’s so embarrassing.
“Well, you’re better than porn,” he blurts out stupidly. It’s the wrong thing to say and he knows it even before he feels Matt’s flinch.
“High praise,” Matt says with another one of those hollow chuckles. He slides off Nick’s lap, the heat between them fizzling out to a frigid silence.
Nick bites his lip, his sister’s words echoing in his head once more.Be brave. If he’s going to say anything, it has to be now.
“Look, Matt,” he starts, heart pounding furiously against his ribs, “I’m sorry, but I can’t—”I can’t keep pretending I don’t have feelings for you. I can’t be casual with you when I want more.“Fuck, I… I can’t?—”
“Nick,” Matt cuts him off, meeting his gaze with a forlorn smile. “It’s okay. I know what you’re going to say.”
Nick’s stomach lurches. “You do?” Is he that obvious? Fuck, how long has it been written all over his face?
And why doesn’t Matt look happy about it?
“I can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” Matt remarks ruefully, running a hand through his hair. His eyes look a little glassy, but that could just be the lighting. “I knew what I was getting into. It’s not your fault. You can’t help how you feel, and I always suspected… But… we should probably stop doing this, right?” He scoffs out a weak laugh. “I don’t have it in me for that kind of complicated.”
It’s like the world has fallen out from under Nick’s feet. A faint ringing in his ears makes him wonder if he misheard, but Matt keeps looking at him, all sad and apologetic, and he knows that’s not the case.
He swallows, trying to kickstart his heart back to beating, his lungs back to breathing. In his lap, his fingers tremble.
Of course Matt doesn’t feel the same way. Or, if he does, it’s notenough. Not worth being Nick’s dirty little secret, putting up with his fear of being outed. Why would it be? Nick’s not that special.
“R-right,” he stutters out, trying desperately to keep his cool. “Yeah. We should… stop.” The words feel like poison on his lips.
“We can still be friends,” Matt insists earnestly. “I think you’re a great guy, Nick, and you deserve someone who makes you happy. I understand if the answer is no, but I’d like to keep you in my life.” Matt wipes roughly at his eyes. What right does he have to get emotional, when he’s the one letting Nick down here? How dare he look so regretful while he sits there and turns his nose up at Nick’s feelings!
Spite flares, hot and ugly inside Nick. “Easier said than done.” How is Nick supposed to look at Matt, hisfriend, and not remember the way it feels to be underneath him? Not think about how much he wants to reach out and touch him?
A grimace flashes across Matt’s face. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right, sorry. I—How about we take some space for the holidays? Go from there?”
“Sure.” Nick’s shoulders slump as the fight drains out of him and he squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to do this anymore. “You should go.”
“Right. I’ll… I’ll text you.” Matt pauses, reaching out to cup Nick’s cheek gently. His brown eyes shimmer with tears in the low light. “I’m sorry, Nick. I wish I could be what you’re looking for, but I just… can’t.”
Nick tenses as he feels Matt move even closer, but all that happens is a soft kiss on his cheek. Nick turns and watches him leave out of the corner of his eye.
There’s a pause, like maybe Matt’s stopped at the door. For a brief moment, Nick thinks he’s going to change his mind. But he doesn’t even have the chance to figure out how he’d feel aboutthat because there’s a creak, and some footsteps, and then the door swings shut with a firm thud.
Matt’s gone. Nick’s alone. The evening could not possibly have gone worse.
Bravery has never been his forte.
Chapter Fifteen
[Image Description: Matt Hudson standing on stage beside a short man with brown skin and bleach-blond hair. The shorter man is holding a guitar, while Hudson holds a microphone. He has his arm around the other man’s shoulder and leans in to press a kiss to his cheek.]
@EmosaurusBex: Can’t believe ACTUAL MATT HUDSON showed up to duet with Mike Drop and I WAS THERE TO WITNESS IT!! Fucking magical, and let me tell you, the CHEMISTRY between those two?
@Dropperz2002: Omg do you think they’re dating?
@_GenderGoblin55: I ship it
@TagMeInCoach: Have you seen their insta stories? Definite Vibes
—Instagram, December 22nd, 2022
