“I understand. And you are right… They often have cared more for my obedience than for my happiness. But it is more than what you said.”
Silence but for the crackle of the fire across the room. The fingers of his upturned palm twitched, lonely yet lovely.
She raised her hand, letting it hover over his palm, feeling his heat. But she did not curve her fingers into his. She snapped up a pawn instead and placed it in circle of other pieces on the board. “Six years ago, I was like this pawn—no power of my own, not really, pushed about by everyone around me. My parents discarded me. Your mother found me a position. Lady Chattaway took me away from England. None of that was my decision. And I had no choice but to do as everyone around me said. And I was grateful for it. Then. Now… I am stronger.”
She moved the pawn out of the circle, set it in the very middle of the board. “I have the chance to choose for myselfhow to move forward. But all those voices are still behind me. And yesterday, I felt them gathering around me once more. My father, Lady Chattaway, Tilbury. You.” That was the worst of it. Remmy trying to hem her in. “You came charging after me yesterday to warn off Tilbury.” She picked up a knight and used it to knock over a bishop.
He winced.
“I will not be told what to do, Remmy. Not this time. Unless you have more choices to offer me, leave me be.”
“Choices.” He wet his lips, falling back into his seat. “I understand. I do. I’ve had few choices myself.”
“Ha.”
“It’s true. Do you think a younger son in a family of eleven can do as he pleases? Oh, it helps that Father’s an earl, but Kit is the heir. The twins fit well into the law and the military. I fit nowhere. I tried everything and mastered nothing.”
“But you found the theatre. You chose it. And I should like to choose my path, too.” She traced a line of the chessboard with her thumb, picked at a chip in the gold paint with the tip of her nail.
“When you were younger, you wanted only to be a famous artist. Has that changed? If you had all the time in the world to draw your future, just as you please… would it still look like that?”
She pressed a hand against her chest, right over her heart. Its beat had become erratic. No idea why. Only… no one had cared yet to ask her that. She closed her eyes and let the future come to her, taking shape like a painting—first wide swathes of splotchy color, then shadows and light, dimension and depth. Foreground, midground, an entire composition. Then the little details.
“I don’t need to be famous. I just need to be free. To paint as I please. And I should like… should like…”
“Tell me.”
“To be loved. By a big family. A riotous one. Like yours.”
“If you marry Tilbury, will he let you paint? Does he have a big family?”
“I do not know.”
“I only want you to have what you want, to help you have it.” And he seemed to offer it to her in the hollow of that upturned palm.
The room was too hot, and she wandered to the nearby window seat, where one pane was pushed open. The breeze tickled the sweaty skin of her neck, and she sighed.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I am grateful the Belle is wrong after all, and you are not a heartless rogue but still my sweet Remmy.”
He stiffened, snatched his hand back across the table. “Your sweet Remmy. The way you say that,” he sneered, “you make me sound like a young boy not yet out of skirts.”
“It’s a good thing! If you were a true scoundrel, you would pull these curtains closed”—she grasped the edge of the large, velvet drapes to the side of her—“and seduce me, even with company nearby.”
He snorted. “They’re asleep. And half deaf. We might as well be alone.” But he stayed put, arms crossed over his chest. Not seducing even a little.
“I told you. Sweet as ever. I knew it.”
“I’m not falling for the same taunting twice, Tessa. If you try again, I’ll think you want to kiss me.”
Her heart stuttered.Kiss him.Kissing had been a mistake… “You were foxed. You did not mean to do it. You would not have, but you’d had too much wine. Besides, even brandy brewed, you’d never have gone farther than a kiss. And what is a kiss between friends, after all?”
“Stop, Tessa.”
“It is hardly significant, particularly not betweenus.”
“Not another word.”
“Why, kisses between us would be harmless. So, when I think on it, what happened at the rock wasn’t truly scandalous at all.” She gave him her brightest smile. She felt brighter inside.
