Olson froze. Then he shook his head like he had given up. “What’s with these alphas? My best friend, Linus—hisalpha Storm secretly squatted in his apartment for a while. Storm’s one of Hades’ Brothers from prison. I swear, they’re going to drive me insane.”
“Didn’t Rex also follow you around?” Aaren asked.
“I’ll give Rex a pass because he lost his humanity, and he was already my alpha in his previous life. But evenhegave me bonding marks without my permission.”
“And yet we’re still with them anyway,” Aaren said.
“Yeah. We might be a little fucked up.”
“Just a little,” Aaren said.
Olson sighed loudly, heading out of the locker room. “Get your butt in the kitchen. The food isn’t going to cook itself.”
“Aye aye, Captain!” Aaren saluted.
He wasin the middle of plating some entrees when Emmy sidled into the kitchen. “Aaren! My rolly, wriggly pumpkin bean!”
“Emmy! It’s been busy, you haven’t stopped by to chat in hours!”
Emmy propped his hands on his hips. He was a scrappy, cheerful omega with a manic gleam in his eyes. Even after he had bonded with his alpha and birthed a baby, he was still as quirky as before. “I’ve been teaching Rex more pickup lines.”
Aaren perked up. “Can I have a few? I... I want to use them, but I forgot to bring some with me.”
Emmy tilted his head, confused. “You want to use them now? Here? Is your horrible alpha coming?”
“Um. I... kind of have a new alpha.”
Happiness exploded across Emmy’s face. “You kicked the old one?”
“Uh, not exactly.” Aaren squirmed. “He’s just... still there.”
It took Emmy a moment. Then he gasped loudly. “Aaren,” he whispered. “Are you being an asshole back at him?”
His stomach twisting with nerves, Aaren whispered back, “Yes?”
“YES!” Emmy cried, coming closer to pull Aaren into a huge hug. “That’s wonderful! You win a prize!”
“For being an asshole?”
“He was an asshole first. And he’sstillan asshole.” Emmy huffed indignantly. “He should love you for who you are, but all he does is make you feel like crap.”
Aaren released the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “What prize?”
“I’ll give you a few pickup lines to use with your new alpha.” Emmy fished out his order pad from his apron pocket. “These are from 699 Pickup Lines For Your Wriggly Heart Muffin. I read some to my husband muffin every day.”
“That book is going to make you famous,” Aaren said sincerely.
Emmy beamed. “Aww, Aarey! You’re the best!”
He scribbled a few lines on his order pad, then tore off the page and handed it to Aaren. “I promise these will land you the good alpha. You’ll have to look him in the eye and wriggle both your tentacle and his tentacle when you say it.”
“Wriggle? Do our... tentacles... have to be soft?”
Emmy nodded solemnly. “They have to flop around like limp fish. It’s how you stir the butt blessing energy so the dick gods will take pity on you and make you hard.”
Aaren nodded just as solemnly. Emmy was the only one who spoke about dick gods and butt blessings, but Aaren would take all the help he could get.
He tucked the pickup lines safely into his pocket. “Thanks. I’ll make sure I say a few lines to him.”
