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FTLOUIE: No, I don’t.
WOMYNRULE: Yes, you do…baby-licker.
FTLOUIE: STOP IT!!! I AM NOT A BABY-LICKER!!!
WOMYNRULE: R 2. Just like the red panda.
FTLOUIE: Just because I didn’t think it was appropriate for my mother to take her six-week-old newborn on a peace march across the Brooklyn Bridge does not make me a baby-licker!!!! ANYTHING could have happened during that march. ANYTHING. She could have tripped and accidentally dropped him and he might have bounced off the safety railing and fallen hundreds of feet into the East River and drowned…if the fall didn’t crush all his little bones to pieces first. And even if I dove in after him, we might both have been swept out to sea by the current…OH, THANKS, LILLY!!! Why did you have to remind me????
WOMYNRULE: Remember what the zookeeper had to do to the red panda?
FTLOUIE: SHUT UP!!!! NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE AWAY MY BABY BROTHER BECAUSE I LICK HIM TOO MUCH!!! I HAVE NEVER ONCE LICKED ROCKY!!!!
WOMYNRULE: Yes, but you have to admit you are a little obsessive-compulsive about him.
FTLOUIE: Well, SOMEBODY has to worry about him! I mean, between my mother wanting to lug him around to all sorts of inappropriate venues such as antiwar rallies—sometimes even taking him there on the SUBWAY, which you know is just a breeding ground for germs—and Mr. G tossing him into the air and causing his head to smack against the ceiling fan, I frankly think Rocky is LUCKY to have a big sister like me who looks out for his welfare, since God knows no one else in the family is doing it.
WOMYNRULE: Whatever you say…baby-licker.
FTLOUIE: SHUT UP, LILLY. Just tell me your stupid plan.
WOMYNRULE: No. I don’t want to now. I think you’re better off not knowing. Baby-lickers like you, who worry too much, are probably better off not knowing things too far in advance, as they will just cause you to lick the baby harder.
FTLOUIE: Fine. I don’t have time to hear your stupid plan anyway. Your brother’s on the phone. I gotta go.
WOMYNRULE: WHAT? Tell him to hold on. THIS IS IMPORTANT, MIA!
FTLOUIE: This may come as a surprise to you, Lilly, but talking to your brother is important, too. At least to me. You know I’ve only seen him twice since I got back Friday—
WOMYNRULE: I’m sorry I called you a baby-licker. Just wait one minute while I tell you—
FTLOUIE: And once was dorm move-in day on Saturday and hardly counts since he was all sweaty from carrying that mini refrigerator up all those stairs after the elevators broke down—
WOMYNRULE: MIA!!! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME????
FTLOUIE: And your parents were there and so was his Resident Advisor. And then on Sunday we went out but I was still jet-lagged and I accidentally—
WOMYNRULE: I’M—
FTLOUIE: —fell asleep while he was showing me his—
WOMYNRULE: GOING—
FTLOUIE: —newest Magic deck since Maya dropped his last one—
WOMYNRULE: TO—
FTLOUIE: —and it got all mixed up with the decks he doesn’t use anymore—
WOMYNRULE: KILL YOU!
FTLOUIE: terminated
Monday, September 7, Labor Day, 10 p.m., the loft
Another school year. I know I should be excited. I know I should be thrilled at the prospect of seeing my friends again after having been on foreign soil for the past two months.
And I am. I am excited. I’m excited to see Tina and Shameeka and Ling Su and even—I can’t believe I’m saying this—Boris.
