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WOMYNRULE: Why? Is my brother IMing you?
FTLOUIE: Yeah…
WOMYNRULE: Oh. I know what HE wants.
FTLOUIE: Lilly, I TOLD you, we’re WAITING to have sex—
WOMYNRULE: That’s not what I meant, you tool. I meant—Oh, never mind. Just e me after you’ve talked to him. I’m serious about this magazine thing, POG. It’s the only way you’re going to be able to see your name in print—besides on Us Weekly’s—Celebrities: They’re Just Like Us! pages.
FTLOUIE: Wait—you know why Michael’s IMing me? How do you know? What’s going on? Tell me, Lilly—
WOMYNRULE: terminated
SKINNERBX: Mia? You there?
FTLOUIE: Michael! Yes, I’m here
. I’m sorry. I’m just having the worst day. My government is out of money and Sixteen rejected “No More Corn!”!!!!!!
SKINNERBX: Wait—the government of Genovia is out of money? I didn’t see anything about that on Netscape. How did THAT happen?
This is why my boyfriend is so wonderful. Even when he doesn’t understand a single thing that is going on in my life, he’s still, you know, way concerned for me.
FTLOUIE: I meant the student government. We’re in the red for five grand. And Sixteen rejected me.
SKINNERBX: Sixteen rejected “No More Corn!”? How could they? That story rocks!
You see? You see why I love him?
FTLOUIE: Thanks. But I guess it didn’t rock enough for them to publish it.
SKINNERBX: Then they’re fools. And what’s this about being five grand in the red?
Briefly, I explained to Michael about the non-returnable recycling bins and the fact that I am going to be drawn and quartered by Amber Cheeseman as soon as she hears about her commencement taking place in Hell’s Kitchen instead of Lincoln Center.
SKINNERBX: Come on. It can’t be that bad. You have plenty of time to raise the cash.
Normally my boyfriend is the most astute of men. That is why he goes to an Ivy League university where he takes a course load that would prove a mental challenge even to Stephen Hawking, that genius in the wheelchair who figured out mini black holes—as well as how to get his nurse to fall in love with him—let alone your average college student.
But sometimes…
Well, sometimes, he just doesn’t GET it.
FTLOUIE: Have you ever seen Amber Cheeseman, Michael? She may have a 4.0 and sound like a chipmunk when she talks, but she can throw a two-hundred-pound man over her shoulder in a split second, and her forearms are as big as Koko the Gorilla’s.
SKINNERBX: Hey, I know. You could try selling candles. We did that to raise money for the Computer Club one year!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! NOT YOU, TOO, MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!
SKINNERBX: They have these candles shaped like strawberries. Everybody in my mom and dad’s therapy groups bought one. They smell like real strawberries.
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
FTLOUIE: Great! Thanks for the tip!
Change the subject. NOW.
FTLOUIE: So, how was YOUR day?
