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Describe a person you know:
His hair, at first glance, appears merely dark, but upon closer inspection is actually many strands of chestnut brown, gold, and black. He wears it long, for a guy, not because doing so is “in,” but because he’s too busy with his many interests to remember to get it cut regularly. His eyes seem dark at first glance, as well, but are actually a kaleidoscope of russets and mahoganies, flecked here and there with ruby and gold, like twin lakes during an Indian summer, into which you feel as if you could dive and swim forever. Nose: aquiline. Mouth: imminently kissable. Neck: aromatic—an intoxicating blend of Tide from his shirt collar, Gillette shaving foam, and Ivory soap, which together spell: my boyfriend.
B–
Better. I would have liked more description on what exactly about his mouth you find so imminently kissable.
—C. Martinez
Thursday, September 9, English
Now the big question is: Do I tell Tina?
I mean, obviously, I can’t tell Lilly. She’ll see right through my plan and know what I’m trying to do. Which is not to express my undying love and devotion for her brother, but to try to control him.
With sex.
I highly doubt she’d approve.
Plus, she’ll totally accuse me of violating the feminist code by using feminine wiles instead of my brain as a means to get what I want.
But isn’t that what Gloria Steinem did when she went undercover as a sex kitten to expose the poor wages and long hours of the Playboy Bunnies, helping to improve their working conditions in the Grotto? I’m doing the same thing, basically. I am sacrificing my virginity in order to keep a valuable asset of our community from leaving it for a far-off shore. In the long run, my sleeping with Michael tonight will only benefit the U.S. economy.
You could almost say it’s my duty as a citizen to Do It.
On the other hand, if Lilly and J.P. really did consummate their relationship over the summer (although I have been observing them both closely at lunch, the only period we all three share together, and beyond the Yodel exchange, I have seen no overt signs of shared intimacy. They don’t even hold hands in the hallway or kiss when they see each other in the morning. Which may just be because they save all the lovey-dovey stuff for when they’re alone together. OR it may be because they haven’t gotten as far, intimacy-wise, as rumor would have it), Lilly ought to totally understand.
I mean, hormones are VERY POWERFUL things. It’s not easy to fight them. Surely Lilly, of all people, would understand.
Except, of course, if you give up fighting them for the Wrong Reason.
Mia—what are you doing? Are you taking notes? I thought you read Franny and Zooey already!
No. I’m not taking notes. I’m writing in my journal. Tina, I have something to ask you. But I’m scared you might hate me for it.
I could never hate you! Besides, anything is better than listening to her going on about Salinger’s fusion of Judeo-Christian and Eastern religions.
Well, here’s the thing: I don’t think I’m going to be one of the Last Virgins at AEHS after tonight.
WHAT??? YOU AND MICHAEL ARE GOING TO DO IT!!!! OH, MIA!!!! WHEN DID YOU TWO DECIDE THIS????
Well, WE didn’t decide it. I decided it. Don’t hate me, okay? But Grandmère gave me the key to the suite she’s not using over at the Ritz, and I’m going to take Michael there tonight and surprise him.
You mean you’re going to make sweet tender love to him so he’ll have a beautiful memory to carry with him as he heads halfway across the world in order to prove himself worthy of you? Mia, that is SO ROMANTIC!!!!!!
Um, actually, I was going to make sweet tender love to him so he’d change his mind and stick around New York. Because what guy is going to move to Japan if he can get regular sex right in his own neighborhood?
Oh. Well. That’s good, too. I guess.
Seriously? You don’t think I’m evil for trying to manipulate him emotionally? Using my Precious Gift?
Well, I understand why you’re doing it. I mean, you love him, and so naturally, you don’t want to lose him. And I know Boris didn’t help at lunch yesterday, when he said all that stuff about clarinetists. Although truthfully, Mia, I highly doubt Michael is going to run into any clarinetists in Japan.
Still, I’m not sure I can risk it, Tina. I’ve got to do SOMETHING. I’ve got to TRY.
Right. But are you REALLY ready to go All the Way? I mean, have you been practicing with the showerhead, like we learned how to do that night we saw The 40-Year-Old Virgin on pay-per-view?
Of course! That movie was SOOOOO educational.
