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I didn’t tell her how the subject had come up. I mean, about HOW I’d found out about Michael and Judith. The last thing I need is my mom knowing what I’d tried to do—you know, convince Michael not to go to Japan by sleeping with him. She wouldn’t be TOO disappointed in me for being such a bad feminist and using sex as a manipulative tool, or anything.
The phone just rang. I didn’t even check the caller ID to see who it was, because I knew. Who else would call this late, and risk waking up Rocky (who could sleep through a war protest…and actually has)?
And Mom confirmed it when she looked in to say it was Michael, saying sorry to call so late but I wasn’t picking up my cell and he wanted to make sure I’d made it home okay.
Like I’ll ever be okay again.
Mom asked if I wanted to speak to him and I just looked at her and she said, “Um, Michael, now is probably not the best time,” into the phone and went away.
My chest feels funny. Like it’s empty and hollow inside. I wonder if this is because I just barfed up my dinner, or if it’s because my heart has shattered into so many little pieces, it’s basically disappeared.
Thursday, September 9, 11:45 p.m., the loft
Michael just e-mailed me:
SKINNERBX: Mia, I don’t understand what just happened. Judith Gershner is a nice person, but she’s never meant anything to me and never will. I don’t understand how the fact that I slept with her two years ago, BEFORE YOU AND I EVER WENT OUT, is a valid reason for you and me to break up. If that’s what just happened, which, as I said, I’m not even sure about, because you were acting so weird.
And as for your thinking that I expect you to wait for me while I’m in Japan…well, yeah, I guess I kind of thought you would, considering the fact that part of the reason I’m going is to improve the chances of our being able to have a future together. Maybe that’s a lot to ask. Maybe I have no right to expect it. I don’t know. I don’t understand any of this. Could you maybe call or write back and possibly explain? Because I’m apparently clueless. And this is all so stupid.
God. That is so like him. What is so stupid about my wanting a boyfriend who actually VALUES intimacy and doesn’t dismiss his first sexual experience as just “messing around”?
And okay, she already had a boyfriend, apparently. That just makes it worse. He was messing around with a girl who was messing around with him BEHIND HER BOYFRIEND’S BACK.
And JUDITH GERSHNER???? How could he have had sex with JUDITH GERSHNER???? And not have TOLD me???? I mean, I have eaten LUNCH with Judith Gershner. I have gone ICE-SKATING with Judith Gershner.
And okay, just once. But STILL. I had NO IDEA she and my boyfriend had been…you know.
But I SHOULD have known. I mean, all the signs were there. That time she put her arm around his chair. And ate his garlic bread. I can’t believe I was so blind.
I can’t believe Michael wasted his Precious Gift on HER when he didn’t even LOVE her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH BOYS????
Uh-oh. Someone is texting me on my cell. This is just—
Oh. It’s Tina.
TINAHAKIMBABA: Mia, where r u? What happened? Did u give him ur Precious Gift? Is he still going to Japan? Text me back!
I HAVE to text her back. I HAVE to tell her what’s going on.
HRHMIAT: He said he was going to Japan whether we Did It or not. And Michael already gave his Precious Gift to Judith Gershner!!!!!
TINAHAKIMBABA:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God for Tina. I love her so much.
HRHMIAT: I KNOW!!!!!!!
TINAHAKIMBABA: BUT HE DIDN’T LUV HER!!!!!!!!!!!
HRHMIAT: He said it didn’t mean anything, they were just “messing around.” Tina, what am I going 2 do?????? How could he not have told me?????
TINAHAKIMBABA: But he DID tell U.
HRHMIAT: A little late!!!!!
TINAHAKIMBABA: But he TOLD u.
