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FTLOUIE: Of course not, Tina! I love Michael!
ILUVROMANCE: Well, of course you love Michael. But, Mia, no offense—you and Michael are broken up. You can’t just go on loving him forever. Well, I mean, you CAN, of course, like Ross went on loving Rachel forever on Friends, but…what about the senior prom?
FTLOUIE: What ABOUT the senior prom?
ILUVROMANCE: Well, Mia, you need SOMEONE to go to the senior prom with! You can’t not go! You coul
d go with other girls, I guess, like Perin and Ling Su are saying they’re going to…but don’t you remember our promise? That we’d lose our virginity on the night of our senior prom?
I couldn’t believe she was bringing this up. NOW.
FTLOUIE: Yes, but, Tina, that was before the love of my life walked out of it.
ILUVROMANCE: Oh! I know! And I’m so sorry things didn’t work out with you and Michael. But, Mia, you will learn to love again. And J.P. looks really good in a tux. Don’t listen to what the haters are saying.
What is she TALKING about? This isn’t the Tina I know, my staunchest, most stalwart supporter! The Tina I know would never tell me I’ll learn to love again. The Tina I know would tell me to stay strong, that Michael would be coming to his senses soon and riding back to me on a milk-white charger, possibly in armor, bearing a corsage of one hundred percent zirconium from Kay Jewelers….
Or not. Because this is so something Michael would never, ever do.
And even Tina—starry-eyed, romantic Tina—knows it.
I should probably admit it to myself by now.
FTLOUIE: Michael’s never coming back, is he, Tina?
ILUVROMANCE: Oh, Mia! Of course he might come back! The question is…if he does, will you still even want him? Or will you have moved on…possibly to someone better?
My eyes filled with tears.
FTLOUIE: There’s no one better, Tina. You know that.
ILUVROMANCE: There might be! You don’t know!
FTLOUIE: And anyway, what’s the point in having this conversation? He’ll never take me back anyway. Not after how stupid I was.
ILUVROMANCE: He could! You never know! I TOLD you, don’t listen to the haters!
FTLOUIE: Haters? What haters? Why do you keep saying that?
ILUVROMANCE: Oh—Mia, I don’t care. They told me not to tell you, but you have a right to know.
FTLOUIE: About WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ILUVROMANCE: ihatemiathermopolis.com.
FTLOUIE: Oh. That.
ILUVROMANCE: YOU’VE BEEN THERE???? YOU KNOW ABOUT IT????
FTLOUIE: Sure.
ILUVROMANCE: THEN WHY DON’T YOU GET YOUR DAD
TO GET IT SHUT DOWN?????
FTLOUIE: Tina, my dad may be a prince, but he doesn’t have control over the Internet.
ILUVROMANCE: But he could complain to Principal Gupta!
