Go somewhere without a plan.
I think about the cute dresses and tops I’ve purchased over the years that hang in the back of my closet. Those pieces you try on in the store that make you feel like a new version of you—or maybe the truest version of you. I never wear them. They’d be too tight or low cut or impractical. I know the kind of looks I’d get. So instead, I play it safe. But I want to wear those things. I want to stand out a little.
So I write . . .
Wear something just because I like it.
I think of other things I’ve wanted to do but have felt like I’m not allowed to. Things that might disappoint my parents. Things that will be whispered about. Things that might make me misunderstood, and Ihatefeeling misunderstood. In fact, I usually overexplain myself just so there’s zero chance someone misunderstands me.
It’s why I’ve always said yes. Why I’ve always done the “right thing.” Why I’ve kept a smile on my face and done whatever was asked of me.
And I’m exhausted.
I look at the paper and write a few more things. When I’m done, this is what I have . . .
Try Something You’ve Never Done
Speed on a back road.
Order dessert first.
Quit something you’re “good” at.
Go somewhere without a plan.
Wear something just because I like it.
Climb the water tower.
Watch an R-rated movie.
Get a tattoo.
Kiss a stranger.
Some of these things are crazy, especially for me, but if I keep doing the same things, I’m just going to continue being the same Sadie.
I fold up the list andtuck it back in my pocket.
When I leave Firefly Farms, I push the pedal farther toward the floor, feeling the rush as my speed increases. I roll down my window, the breeze playing with my brown hair and my pulse racing beneath my skin as I drive ten milesoverthe speed limit on a back road.
Because staying the same suddenly feels more dangerous than changing.
9
SADIE
I pull up to my parents’house, a smidge of remorse beginning to press down on my shoulders as I look over at the partly eaten pie, but then I wiggle my bum against my seat so I can feel the sharp edges of the list, and I smile. I get to mark something else off now.
There’s a sudden knock on my window that startles me.
I look over and there’s Milo.
I don’t say anything.
He grins. “Hey.” His voice is a bit muffled, but I can hear his jovial tone. He opens my car door. “Your parents invited me for supper.”
I inhale sharply, lean over, and unbuckle the pie, handing it over to him so I can get out.
