It’s all too much. My family. Milo. Grant. Life . . .
The door opens behind me.
“Hey,” Milo says softly.
I draw in a breath. “What?”
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I shrug, my back a quiet wall between us.
“I don’t care if you go out with—” He pauses, and that’s when I feel it . . . the list being removed from my back pocket.
“Hey!” I say as I quickly turn around. “Give that back!”
“What is this?” He unfolds the paper.
I do some ridiculous jumping and dancing trying to snatch the paper, but Milo’s taller than me, and when he holds the letter up high, it might as well be a star in the sky.
“Try something you’ve never done,” he reads. “Speed on a back road. Order dessert first . . . is that why part of the pie was gone?” He pauses, grinning down at me. I put my hands over my face. “Quit something you’re good at. Go somewhere without a plan. Wear something just because I like it. Climb the water tower. Watch an R-rated movie. Get a tattoo. Kiss a stranger . . .”
My ears burn hearing the list read out loud.
He surrenders the paper to me. “Sadie, what is this?”
“It’s nothing,” I mutter as I fold the paper back up.
“It’s not nothing. I know you, Sadie. I know?—”
“Stop,” I say gently as I look at him, tears beginning to tug at my unraveling composure. “You don’t know me, Milo. You knew me. And then you left.”
“You left, too.” His words are quiet but true.
But it wasn’t just the leaving. Not for me.
“You didn’t even call, Milo. Or write me a letter. Or anything when?—”
I let my words die.
“I know.” His words are gentle against my sharp ones. “I was a stupid kid, Sadie, and I know that’s not an excuse. It’s just the truth. If I could?—”
I hold up my hand, steadying the emotion rising in my chest.
Years ago, I had practiced exactly what I would say to Milo Carter when I saw him again. Back when tears were fresh and anger was raw. Now it’s more of a bruise than a wound, and I’m not sure what to do with that.
“Can you give Emma her Crocs?” I say as I start toward my car. “It’s been a long day and I’m ready to go home.”
“Of course,” he replies as he follows me, his shadow falling over me and then his hand resting on the top of my car while he waits.
I open the car door and retrieve Emma’s Crocs, handing them out to Milo. His gaze is heavy on me, but my eyes stay focused on the tree in front of the house with the tire swing where I used to believe if I pumped my legs hard enough, I could launch myself to the moon.
He takes the shoes. “I wish you’d look at me.”
“I wish a lot of things,” I snap as my throat tightens, and I get in my car. I turn the engine, praying it starts quickly, and then drive off only glancing once in the rearview mirror, catching Milo still watching me from the sidewalk.
10
SADIE
