I hope you forgive me.
CHAPTERTEN
28th June, Thursday
Did I ever tell you how much I hate your best friend?I despise him.I hate Liam so fucking much.
I ...I wanted the pain to stop, Ethan.So, with that intention in my mind, I went to the Moonstone Bridge and yes; I was going to jump.I was contemplating my decision and obviously, my mind won.Everyone said to jump.Life would be easier and happier for all of us.I won’t have to drag you into my problems, you’d be happy with Ariana and you know how much I hate to see you sad.I had decided that I would do it.
Be selfish for one time in my life.
I wondered who would come to my funeral.Would you be there?Happy, that I was finally gone.Or bitter that I am dead.
I shook my head and stopped my brain, my heart, those voices and stopped breathing.I was more than ready.
But, of course, he just had to drive over that bridge at the same time and stop me.
Hating myself,
Kiara
CHAPTERELEVEN
30th June, Sunday
You ignored me when I snuck into your room today.I was hurt, but I kept myself together and explained to you I needed to be alone for two days.But I swear I saw a hint of a smile when I said that I’d brought you your favoritebundi ladoosto make peace.
As we both bonded over the sweets, I didn’t dare to tell you about Liam.How he dragged me away from the edge.I kept hitting him and punching him, but he scolded me and dragged me to his car, locking me in.
I had fought with him, called him things, but he didn’t listen and threw his jacket at me because my entire body was trembling.I had never seen him so red and furious.After driving aimlessly for a while and ignoring me, he stopped the car in our parking area and asked me one simple question,
‘Why, Kiara?’
That’s when I looked away and cried.He stayed silent as my sobs echoed in his car.He had asked me why and truthfully, either I had many reasons or no reason at all.I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t.I wanted to scream at him and tell him it was my life and it's my decision if I want to end it or not.
But somehow, words betrayed me for the first time in my life.
When I didn’t reply, he removed his seatbelt and hugged me.I hugged him back, crying on his shoulder as I kept muttering ‘sorry.’What was I apologizing for, anyway?But he said nothing and let me cry.Rubbed my back, brushed my hair back which had stuck on my face and wiped the tears away.
I kissed him.I don’t know who initiated it.But we were in his car, I was straddling him and he was holding my face in his warm hands.I kissed Liam, Ethan.It felt so good that I almost forgot why I was in his car in the first place.
We were both blushing red when we pulled away.He squeezed my hand and told me to promise him something—that I won’t give up or try to kill myself.In return, he won’t tell this to anyone, including you—only if I tell you first.
I knew that if I had told you I wanted to kill myself and I am suicidal, you’d never let me out of your sight.Stay by me 24/7 and make sure I get proper medication.Maybe, in the end, I would make you as crazy as me.Because who even considers that the ‘Golden Girl’ with the perfect family, perfect friends, perfect grades and perfect fucking smile is suffering from depression and anxiety?No one.
I am not sorry for lying to Liam about the promise.Because you’re too good for me.You deserve so much better than me and it hurts that I can’t give you anything because I have nothing left!And I would do anything but see you waste your time on my already broken self.
Sorry,
Kiara
CHAPTERTWELVE
3rd July, Tuesday
Holy shit, Ethan!
I can’t believe it.
