Each time the memory played, my cock twitched as if it was getting ready for round two, and I kept drinking in hopesthatI could block out the myriad of emotions pounding through me.
I should never have let it happen. I should never have kissed him back, and I certainly shouldn’t have fucking told him to touch me. But I was lost in the moment, with his hands on my body, and his tongue battling mine, all I could think of wasthatI wanted more, and I wanted it with him.
But as soon as we’d made each other come, the voices from the past started shouting in my head, and they were louder than ever, reminding methatI was disgusting andthatsomething was wrong with me.
Reminding methatI didn’t deserve to have anyone in my life.
I had to get away from Tristan; the voices were too loud, and as shame coursed through me for what we’djustdone, I could only focus on getting as far from him as possible. I hadn’t expected hurt to flash across his face when I told him to get out, though. And I hadn’t expectedthatlook of disappointment to haunt me as the night wore on.
Not even the whiskey could remove that image seared into my brain.
Blinking against the early morning rays, I dragged my sorry ass to my bedroom. Not bothering to strip out of the clothes I’d changed into after Tristan left, I clambered into bed and pulled the covers over my head, intent on going back to sleep, and nowhere near ready to face the day.
I wished I could say I felt better when I woke several hours later, but it would have been a lie. If anything, I felt worse.
Trying to distract myself, I spent the day locked in my office attempting to work, but when my mind kept wandering back to Tristan, I gave up.Then, I spent the evening with my phone in hand, tapping out messages to him, only to delete them again.
When darkness fell through the house, and my head still hurt, I decided to head to bed early and hopethatby morning, I’d have figured out what the hell I was going to say when I next saw Tristan.
The familiar feeling of being watched dragged me from my slumber. I sat up and flicked the light on,justlike I’d done a few nights ago, only this time, I didn’t nearly shit myself at finding a figure standing by the window.
I knew instantlythatit wasn’t Jake, and after rubbing my eyes a few times, I realized it was a woman.“Who the hell are you?”
She released a deep, throaty chuckle, onethatmade it sound like she was a heavy smoker.“Of course you don’t remember me. Wouldn’t have expected you to, darlin’.”
Recognition flowed through me at her voice and her calling me darlin’, but it couldn’t have been the person I thought it was; she was dead.
Wasn’t she?
“Barbara Thompson,”I whispered into the dark, nerves beginning to vibrate through my body.
Moving closer, she smiled, flashing her yellow-stained teeth.“Oh, you do remember. I’m flattered.”
“You died,”I stated, certain I’d read about her death last year.
She’d been found in the street several days after I evicted her, having succumbed to hyperthermia.
“No thanks to you, darlin’.”The wordmurdererflashed into my mind, and a pang of hurt shot through me. Wasthatwhat Tristan thought of me? Like Jake had done, Barbara sat on my bed, the mattress dipping and pulling me from my thoughts.“Let me guess, you think you’re dreaming.”
I raised a brow.“I must be. Ghosts aren’t real.”
She chuckled again.“Yeah, Jake said you would be skeptical.”
“I think I’m starting to go mad,”I muttered to myself, scrubbing a hand down my face. She made it sound like she and Jake were buddies in the afterlife. Briefly closing my eyes, she was still sitting there when I opened them again, staring at me with a smirk on her lips.“What are you doing here?”I huffed.“And don’t say you’re here to give me a warning. I’ve hadthatspeech from Jake.”
“Oh no, darlin’, I’m not here to warn you. I’m here to help you.”
“Help me do what?”I asked, morbid curiosity sweeping through meevenif I was convinced this was a dream.
“To help you change, of course!”She clapped her hands together, the bang echoing around my newly decorated room and making me jump.“Unless you want to join Jakey with all those chains?”
I gaped at her, not sure what to say. What in the hell was going on in my brain for it to have conjured up something as ridiculousas this? Before I could begin to come up with an answer, cold hands landed on my arm, and my blood turned to ice.
Frozen to the spot, I could only stare back at Barbara, her blue-tinged lips pulling into a grin.“It’s time, Ben. Time to go back and face your past.”
I was starting to think this wasn’t a dream. My bedroom disappeared, replaced by averyfamiliar scene. The locker room of my old group home was exactly how I remembered it, right down to the stench of body odor.
“What the fuck?”I gazed around in disbelief, reaching out to press a hand against the cagethatkept all the sports equipment in.
