"Stop it," Simon chastises me.
Stop it.I mouth the words back at him with an eye roll.
They've already taken Leah away. I have no idea where she's gone. So I'm completely alone. Simon is holding her hostage, using her as leverage. He says she'll be back as soon as the ink is dry on the marriage certificate, and I can present a pregnancy test with two little lines.
Thinking of how long that could take makes my eyes burn, and I have to fight the tears. I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
My stomach turns when I imagine Victor touching me. I really hope he just does what he has to do and that's it. No kissing, no other touching. Just stick it in and fire. I think I can handle that without throwing up. But what I can't handle is anything that feels good. Because anything that feels good would remind me of how it felt when Deck kissed me.
In all the places he kissed me.
"Your father wanted you to be taken care of. And that's exactly what I intend will happen." Simon leans back in my father's chair and smacks his lips together, looking out the window over the massive green lawn toward the front gates.
"Can. I. Go. Now?" I enunciate each word slowly, so my feeble-minded captors can understand.
Simon snorts and waves his hand, while Victor matches his snort with another grunt. "Go. But remember, if you wantLeah back here with you, you'll do as you're told. We can all live happily ever after. You just do as your father wished, and everything will be fine. Trust me."
I'm out of the chair and stomping out the door without another word. My heart is breaking. Leah needs me, and I need her. All we have is each other.
I'll marry Victor, I'll make a baby. Geez, I'd even give them the money. I'd give them this house if I had to. Mom would understand. If it meant Leah and I got to be together, she'd tell us to let the house go.
It would break my heart, but I'd trade it all if it meant me and Leah could be together forever. Besides, maybe then they'd leave us alone.
My only wish is that I could see Deck one more time. Just to kiss him, just to tell him goodbye. For a flash, I think about how I'd even do it. Sneak out the back terrace again, hop a bus, find his club, knock on the back door.
Then reality sinks back in. I know that's stupid. A childish fantasy. I barely know him. But still, my fate is sealed, and for whatever reason, I think I owe him that much.
I'm up the stairs two at a time. I stomp into my irritatingly lavish bedroom suite. I kick off my shoes one by one. They land somewhere expensive. I don't care.
Nothing here makes me happy. Things aren't important. There isn't a single thing in this world that matters to me. Only people. Maybe I know that better than most, because I have so much and yet so little. Two people in this world matter to me, and they're both gone, and I'm so alone. I feel like my insides are rearranging themselves.
"Deck." I whisper his name into my pillow as the tears come without any sound.
I'm still tasting you on my tongue, and I'm not losing you in the chaos.His voice, hoarse, in the parking lot. He hasn't lost me. I've lost him.
My thighs press together under the blanket without me telling them to. My body still wants him. My body doesn't care that my fate is sealed.
I may not know much about the world, but there are some things you don't need experience to understand.
Just one more kiss.
I squeeze my eyes together and wish hard. I even say a little prayer. I lie there until the room grows dark, my fingers go cold, and no more tears will come.
I'm empty.
I flip onto my back, gaze at the painted ceiling, and I can't stop the smile from spreading over my face. The most beautiful blue sky covers the plaster with cotton ball clouds drifting on top. My father had it done for us. He had mine and Leah's ceilings custom-painted like this, so we'd always feel free, even when we were here.
The irony of that thought hits me, and my chest tightens. There's a breeze rustling the branches outside my window, dappling the moonlight across my walls.
Then a sudden gust of wind shakes the tops of the trees, slamming a huge limb into the side of the house. I cover my ears, but as quickly as the wind starts, it stops.
When I open my eyes, the door to my balcony is wide open. Moonlight shines a path across the wood floor.
I look up once more at the ceiling. Smile. Pull my one remaining pink shoe out from under the bed.
I'm going to find Deck.
And I'm going to ask him to finish what he started on that desk.
