“Just be careful, Holly. You’re not as much of a hardass as you’d like everyone to believe.”
As he leaves, I continue to drink my beer, wondering what Cole was going to say with those three dots that came and went, and thinking that my brother isn’t as unfeeling as he’d like everyone to think either.
* * *
When I show up for class the next day, Mikey looks dejected. I saw him at the office a couple hours before, and he seemed his normal self, but there’s something decidedly droopy about him now, like Charlie Brown after someone shits in his sandbox or something. (Okay, I didn’t read much Peanuts growing up.)
“What’s wrong, bud?” My suspicion sharpens, and I add, “Did Butterscotch send you off to pasture?”
“It’s no joke, Holly,” he says, casting a gloomy aura that gives me a contact low. “She was supposed to be my soulmate.”
I clap him on the shoulder. “But you were only, like, a 70% match, right?”
“Sixty-nine,” he says sadly.
I stuff the giggle down deep. “Judith’s going to find you a better match when we go wide,” I say. “This is such a small study group. The odds of getting a high-percentage match are astronomical. It’s mostly just for research. To help us find bugs. For example, I’ve already drastically upped Judith’s tolerance for dirty talk.”
He gives me a dubious look. “Didn’t you get a 97% percent match?”
“What can I say? I’m a lucky woman.”
Hot Rodispretty great. He’s funny yet sort of sensitive. We talked a little more last night, after Rowan left. I steadfastly closed my chat with Cole and opened the one I had going with my “imaginary” guy, finding a message waiting for me:
Hot Rod:This is an important question. Coke or Pepsi?
The ensuing discussion went on for some time.
Truthfully, it was because of Hot Rod that I decided to hold out a white flag to Cole.
Which is probably the biggest mistake you’ve ever made, a voice in my head whispers.
But I meant what I said to Rowan. Cole’s not a danger to me anymore. I have Hot Rod, and he’s made me feel…okay about putting myself out there. Besides, Cole and I are only connecting over our shared interest in helping Jane. I mean…if she’s going to be a future superstar, I want to be able to say I built her first computer for her. That’s self-interest, pure and simple.
Yes, I’m purely doing this out of self-interest.
Shaking off the thought, I ask, “Did Judith set you up with someone else?”
He gives a little shrug. “She said there’s a sixty-eight I can talk to, but I’m still getting over the Butterscotch thing. Holly, she said I wasn’t manly enough for her.”
“That’s stupid,” a little voice says from behind me. “You’re obviously a man.”
Speak of the devil. Jane has come in with uncharacteristic silence and taken her seat. It’s a few minutes early, so the other kids aren’t there yet.
I glance over, angling my neck, and there he is at the door. He hangs back the way he always does, like he’s worried I’m going to jump him. The thought shouldn’t amuse me, but it does, and a corner of my mouth wings up. He gives me a half-smile back and nods before leaving.
I shouldn’t feel a twinge of regret, but I do.
Fuck.
Iwantto hate him. I’ve tried to hate him. I’ve tried to feel neutral toward him too. Contemptuous. Annoyed. You name it. I’ve succeeded to some degree, because Cole can be annoying, very annoying, but there’s always that undercurrent, that stronger pull beneath the push.
“Thank you, Jane,” Mikey says. “That’s very thoughtful of you.”
She gives Mikey a quizzical look. “Obviously you’re a man. I’m just speaking factually.”
“I think Butterscotch wanted him to be a more growly man. Big and burly and kind of bossy.”Like your dad.
Jane’s expression shifts to a frown as a couple of other students filter in, Ollie claiming the seat next to hers. “That’s just stupid. Why would any woman want a man to boss her around?”
