“No?”
“Oh. Then you’re just stupid. Of course I can’t talk kitsune!”
“Then why ask him a question?!”
The incubus rolled his eyes and turned back to the foul creature.
“Can you?”
Kenji twitched his tails and barked once. I assumed that meant yes, but what did I know, since I couldn’t speak fucking kitsune?
The irritating creature jumped into Zane’s arms and hissed at me.
“Yeah, I don’t like you either,” I muttered.
“Picture one of your father’s guards,” Zane said. “An ugly as fuck one.”
“Why?” My brows knitted together. This night was getting weirder by the second.
“Just do it.” My mind jumped to Tomas, the asshole in charge of the cells beneath the house. The ugly bastard had contracted mage pox as a kid and still had the scarred, pitted face to show for it.
To my absolute horror, Zane vanished, replaced by a grinning Tomas. I leaped back in shock. The kitsune in his arms chuffed and jumped down. He looked at the wall and then at us.
“Let’s go, sparky,” Tomas grunted. I wondered if my father knew Zane could shapeshift. I doubted he’d be pleased about it.
“Dad keeps his most expensive and rare spellcasting ingredients in a locked store in the cellar,” I said in a low voice.
“Lead the way, Fritz.” Tomas/Zane smirked. The sight of Tomas smirking was enough to make any sane magical vomit. The mage’s potato-like nose glowed in the dark, red and raw from the cold.
“Fuck me, you’re ugly.” I grimaced.
Zane tugged his pants away from his barrel-shaped body and examined his cock with interest. “Poor fuck,” he said after a moment. “I bet this dude doesn’t get laid much.”
“I don’t give a fuck about Tomas’s sex life. Now fucking move before we’re caught by my father’s guards!”
The sound of heavy footsteps propelled me into motion. Not waiting for Zane or the kitsune, I pulled open the heavy metal door that leddown into the cellar. The kitsune brushed past me, scampering down the stone steps.
With a bit of luck, the two guards that patrolled this part of the house would be somewhere else, or else we’d have a problem.
Mage lights came on as I reached the bottom of the stairs. The kitsune dashed ahead and then vanished into thin air just before Tomas’s equally ugly cousin appeared carrying a dusty crate of elkwine.
He stopped in surprise when he saw me, but when he spotted Zane, his jaw dropped.
“Tomas? What the fuck are you doing here?”
9
Zane
The ugly-as-fuck mage had to be a relative of the unfortunate Tomas. Or no-dick, as I now called him. Who knew mage pox shrunk dicks? I sure as hell hadn’t. The mages had hidden that unfortunate side effect from the rest of the magical world.
“Doing a spot of overtime,” I grumbled. “The boss wanted some spell ingredients fetched.” I shuffled on the spot, doing my best to affect the look of a poor, down-trodden, ugly-as-fuck-mage with a micro-penis.
Was it working?
Tomas’s equally unblessed relative’s expression of confusion would suggest not.
“But I thought you’d gone to that hell club tonight?”
