Nothing. Nothing at all.
My lips tingle as I think about the last time I saw Zach and how he kissed me like he never wanted to let go. I didn’t either. I was two seconds away from giving up on everything and just being with him, but then Tiff walked in. Reality did, too.
I wasn’t enough for Zach then. I’m still not now, because how can I show someone I unequivocally love them when I still haven’t figured out how to love myself?
So I walked away, and now he’s thriving, starting his career in the NFL while I... what?
Nothing, because that’s what you are. You never deserved someone as capable as Zach.
I'm spiraling. I feel it in the depths of my stomach.
This is why you had to leave.
My hands intertwine under the table, and as I look up, I catch Olivia’s eye. “Are you okay?” she mouths, leaning into Mike to try to get a little closer to me.
The question only serves to make the situation worse.
I nod, lying so obviously it's embarrassing at this point.
No. I'm not okay.
Every emotion starts to rush through me at once. Regret, frustration, yearning...
What have I done?
I push it all away again, reminding myself that today isn’t about me and Zach. Today is about Tiff and Jamie. I'm here to support them. That’s it. So for tonight, I will focus on them, and them only.
I can vent tomorrow when Olivia and I are on the way to our cruise, and I won't have to feel Zach's judgmental eyes on me.
The lights dim, and soft music starts. That’s when Tiff and Jamie take to the dance floor. Ella toddles between them, her fists clutching both their fingers as the chorus starts. Jamie bends to scoop her up, kissing her cheek, and she giggles, scrunching her nose.
Tiff watches the exchange in adoration, and the entire scene is so beautiful, it makes my heart hurt.
Jamie pulls Tiff into him with one arm wrapped around her waist, the other holding their daughter pressed between them.
He fought for her. Even when she pushed him away, he didn't stop.
Jamie leans in and murmurs something against Tiff’s ear with the most genuine smile I've ever seen from him. She throws her head back and laughs.
The pain in my heart is radiating across my chest. I feel like I might physically burst just watching how in love they are.
Ella wiggles in Jamie's arms until he sets her down, her little feet tapping in time with the music. When she stumbles, Tiff scoops her up instead, and Jamie extends her hand to the room.
“All right, everybody,” he calls out. “Will you please come and join us on the dance floor?”
“Hey.” Chris knocks me lightly with his elbow. “Wanna dance?” he asks, holding out his hand just as other couples make their way onto the dance floor.
My smile falters, and I stare at his hand, wondering if I have the courage to dance in front of Zach.
Would that be taunting him?
That's the last thing I want to do.
“You really want to poke that bear?” Chase laughs beside him.
Chris shrugs, unfazed. “Just because bears like honey, doesn't mean Honey has to give a shit.” He grins, his fingers dancing as they wait for me to accept. “Come on. One dance. It will get your mind off everything.”
I look at his hand, then at his smiling face.
