“Zach—” I whisper, not knowing what else to say. He believes with every fiber of his being that I'm his person, but would he really want someone so hollow forever? Does he only want to be with me because of the memories we had?
He doesn’t step back. Doesn’t loosen his hand on my waist. He just waits for me to answer, patiently watching. He’s always so damn patient with me.
My airways go tight. My chest follows, and suddenly I remember exactly why I left. Why I needed space in the first place. Why being with him now feels like holding my breath before impact.
This is how I lose myself.
I clear my throat, forcing my gaze past him, searching for something,anything,to change the subject.
“Don’t Jamie and Tiff look great together?” I say, a little too quickly. “Can’t believe they actually got married.”
“Yeah,” he sighs, and I can hear the defeat in his voice. “Can’t believe they got married before us,” he says casually.
My heart skips a beat. Every proposal from him runs through my mind, ending with his final plea.
“Zach, don’t joke about that.”
“When was I ever joking?” His hands tighten around my waist, and he pulls me closer so he can lean in and whisper in my ear. “I don’t joke about you, Honeycomb. I wanted you then. I want you now. The only future I see is with you.Onlyyou.”
My throat tightens because what the hell am I supposed to say to that?
It’s easy for him to be so sure. He’s got everything he’s ever wanted except me, but what happens if he gets bored? If he dumps me, then I’m back to where I started. With nothing.
“You know we can’t be together right now,” I say quietly, determined to focus on healing myself.
“Yeah, you keep saying that, but there’s no real reason anymore. I’m out of college. The girls are onto the next big thing. No one is going to bother you anymore. I’ve got the resources to ensure it.”
I melt a little. He makes it sound so easy, but it isn’t. “Your life hasn’t changed. If anything, it’s bigger now. You’re everywhere. I see you on every phone commercial, every billboard I pass. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I traded who I am for who you are.”
He lets out a short, disbelieving laugh. “You’re acting like I’d swallow you whole, when really you’re just scared of choosing anything at all.”
“What are you—”
“Do you think I don’t know where you’ve been this whole time, Honey?” His voice drops. “You haven’t been out finding yourself. You’ve been living with our best friends, trying not to cry yourself to sleep every night. You’re only leaving the house to go to therapy, and honestly, I’m proud of you. You deserve to figure that stuff out after all the shit you’ve been through. It’s just... I don’t want you to mistake that for living. You deserve more than a life that feels so small.”
His words hurt because he’s right.
Maybe I have been hiding. Maybe I have been small and safe, but that’s mine. It’s my process, my mess, and I work on my timeline.
“You deserve everything.”
He doesn’t get to comment on it like he’s still part of it when he’s off living this fantastical new life. One where his parents always supported him, and people always smiled when he entered a room.
“Why do you care about what I’m doing? We aren’t together anymore,” I say, the emotion coming out of me before I can think better of it.
“Stab me in the heart, why don’t you.” His chuckle is dark. “And if we aren’t together, what do you call that last goodbye?”
Of course he'd bring up the kiss.
“It was a mistake.” The words are harsh, and my chest tightens at the lie.
He pauses for a second. I feel him assessing me, but I don’t meet his gaze. “Does saying that make it easier to sleep at night?”
My breath stutters. “Zach—”
“You’d rather choke on it than say you miss me, wouldn't you?” he continues, his voice harsher now. “God, Honey... you’d rather run away and stay numb than risk feeling anything with me again.”
I flinch. He sees it and goes still.
