When she nods, I laugh and look down at my rumpled dress. “Do you really think I can be trusted on a cruise ship alone? I couldn’t even put my pajamas on last night.”
She brushes back a clump of my hair to rest behind my ear. “You made some mistakes last night, but you did just see Zach for the first time in a long time.”
I nod, still not feeling any better about myself and how I acted, though.
“Can’t say I blame you. Zach has always been blessed with looks, but my goodness. In that suit—” She lets out a little hum. “—saying all those nice things about Tiff and Jamie. Well, no wonder you wanted a little piece of him.”
“Olivia!” My jaw drops, and I playfully push my friend away, because she’s not wrong.
“What?” She shrugs. “I might be pregnant, but I’m not dead. The man is hot. Even hotter since he started bulking up for the NFL.”
I blow out my breath. “Don’t I know it.”
Her hand wraps around my shoulder. “This is why you need to go on the cruise. Youneedthis trip. You need to get away from everything and figure out what you want in life.” She gives me a little smile. “I’m not taking that away from you. Mike’s on the phone with the cruise company, fighting to get me cleared for a later port. Maybe I can meet you in Nassau or something.”
“No. I don’t want you to risk anything for me.”
“Will you go if I don’t?”
Good question.The tickets are non-refundable, and even though I have a trust fund helping me at the moment, I don’t have the ability to just throw money away like that.
“Go.” She squeezes my hand. “Go spend two weeks on a cruise ship and get pampered and relaxed.”
“On my own, though?”
Anxiety in my chest rises when I think about sitting at dinner alone. What will people think of me?
“I mean,” She raises an eyebrow, a hint of her usual mischief breaking through. “You don't have to be alone the entire time. Who knows, you might meet a cute guy. Could even get laid and have some fun for once.”
I let out a hollow laugh. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Why not? You’re young, you’re gorgeous, you’re finally free from all that family bullshit—”
“Liv.” I cut her off, moving toward my suitcase. “After last night? With Zach?” I stand and yank open my suitcase, shoving clothes inside without folding them just to give me something to do. “Meeting a cute guy is the last thing on my mind.”
She takes a moment, then says, “You know, for someone who says she wants to move on from that—you aren't exactly doing much moving.”
“I know.” I sigh, frustrated at myself for always giving in to my feelings and not focusing on what's important, like actually doing the work and finding myself.
She shifts on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” I grab my toiletries from the bathroom, tossing them on top of the clothes. “It was a mistake. A stupid, reckless mistake that doesn’t change anything.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“No.” My hands are shaking as I zip up my bag. “We’re still broken up. I’m still leaving. He’s still—” I stop, my throat tight. “He’s still him, and I’m still me. Nothing about last night changes the fact that I don’t know who I am without him.”
Olivia silently assesses the situation before she pushes herself up from the bed with a small grunt and waddles over to me.
“Then go find out,” she says softly, wrapping her arms around me from behind, her belly pressing against my back. “Get on that cruise. Write in your notebook. Stare at the ocean. Figureout what Honey Sanderson wants when she’s not running from or toward anyone.” She squeezes tighter. “And when you come back, maybe you’ll finally have an answer.”
My eyes burn. “What if I don’t find one?”
“Then at least you’ll have a killer tan.”
I laugh despite myself, leaning back into her embrace. “I love you, Liv.”
“I love you, too.” She presses a kiss to my shoulder. “Now go shower. You smell like a distillery.”
