In for four, hold for four, out for four.
It doesn't work.
I'm not ready for today. I'm not ready to stand up there while everyone talks about how destined Tiff and Jamie are for each other—while I look at the guy who thinks I'mhisdestiny across the aisle.
My chest tightens as heat creeps up my neck.
This is your own fault. You chose this;I remind myself.You said no to Zach, and yes to being a bridesmaid for his cousin.
Pull it together, Honey.
Today isn’t about me or my spiral or the fact that I can barely keep my hands from shaking. Today is about Tiff and Jamie and their wedding and me being a good friend.
The elevator dings in the lobby.
I step out and head for the conference room where we’re getting ready for the day.
Well, I guess here goes nothing.
“There you are!” Tiff beams the second I push through the conference room doors. My steps slow, echoing across the oversized room. The bridal party is small—just me, Madison (Tiff’s cousin), and Tiff’s five-year-old daughter, Ella—so the space feels even bigger.
“The room’s enormous, I know.” She gestures around us as she heads toward me. “All their smaller conference rooms were taken.” She pulls me in for a hug, holding me tighter than I’d expect considering all the shit I’ve put her through these last five months.
Holding onto my arms, she pulls back to take me in. “Hey, Honey.”
Her smile. That’s all I really take in because she’s radiating happiness that I could only dream of right now.
“Tiff. You look beautiful.” I pull her back into another hug, unable to put my true feelings into words.
I’m sorry for letting you down. This is the best I could do.
She hugs me a little tighter as if she knows exactly what I mean.
“Thank you. I’m so happy you’re here.”
I’m glad one of us is.
“Admittedly, I was starting to think you bailed on me,” she whispers with a hint of amusement in her voice. I’m not surprised, considering the last time she saw me, Iwasbailing. Out of St. Michael’s. Out of everything.
“Never,” I say, forcing a smile that I hope looks genuine as I pull back. “Just overslept a little. The flight took more out of me than I expected.”
She takes me in with glassy eyes, and I can tell she’s holding back what she really wants to say. “Thank you for being here. It really does mean everything to me.”
My heart clenches at her words. We might not be blood-related, but she’s my family, and being away from her this long with such little contact has really taken its toll on me.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I say, half-meaning it. I am thrilled for her, and of course, I’m happy for Jamie. They both deserve this chance together; I just wish celebrating with them didn’t have all these extra complications.
When I left Indiana five months ago, I had no intention of ever coming back, yet here I am, standing in the best hotel in Hope as my past catches up with me, and I have nowhere left to hide.
“Still.” She pauses for a quick second. “I know how difficult it must be—”
I raise my hand and wave her off, laughing slightly, knowing that if she mentions his name, my knees will probably buckle, and I'll end up a sobbing wreck on the floor.
The laugh is awkward and forced. I’m sure she notices, but she doesn’t call me out on it. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not difficult. Who wouldn’t want to see their ex-fiancé marrying the love of his life?”
Oh, shit.
It was supposed to come out as a joke to move away from talking about Zach, but it seriously sounded like Iregretlosing Jamie. Yes, he's technically my ex-fiancé, but that was in a weird “rich people arrangement” as Zach would call it. We didn’t really love each other.
