“I have them,” calls out a groomsman. I release a “whew” of relief. Said groomsman, a stocky redheaded fellow, strides over to Hanry, a hand on the back of his neck. He makes a big show of extending the parchment out, one-handedly, to Hanry.
At the last second, he whips the parchment away.
“Aha!” the groomsman exclaims. “Surprise!”
Oh. I get it now—this must be one of the cousin-bullies Hanry told me about. I smile tightly, enjoying the poetic justice.
“Surprise what?” asks Hanry, that pre-wed wussy of a prince. He reaches out again for the vows, but the groomsman doesn’t release them. Instead, he turns to face the gathered guests. His laughter booms throughout the room.
“These are not Hanry’s vows, but mine!” he announces. “For I too am engaged to May!”
I stagger backward.
How did I not recognize that groomsman’s voice immediately?
It’sBulan’s.
30RELATIONSHIPS ARE A DISASTER, DO NOT RECOMMEND
MAY’S SHOCKED EXPRESSION IS ONEfor the books. Specifically, for comic books. It doesn’t belong here, in this royal fairy wedding, which needs to proceed without a hitch.
“Bran!” she exclaims.
“Bran?” I ask the air. “LikeGame of Thrones? Or the cereal?”
“Bran,” says Rochester darkly.
Hanry’s more lost than ever, but I understand: Bran must be Bulan’s true name. Same as Princess May is trulyhime-sama, or something else, and I’ve gone by Sabby, but I’ve stayed Samantha, the witchy-enough inheritor of the Spük family name, beneath it this whole time.
“Bran, Bran,” the crowd murmurs. Close to me, I hear a few “Surely nots!”
So, I’m guessing Grandma’s pet head has been epically involved in this fairy family’s drama. Damn, I really should have let him tell me his story.
Reveling in the attention as always, Bulan throws his arms—arms!—behind his back and rips a facade of skin and hair off his face in a move stolen from Scooby-Doo. The moment he’s unmasked, his face transforms—like it’s been under a glamour, I suppose—returning to his more familiar features.
Also, his head pops off his body.
“I was merely in disguise!” Bulan’s rolling head announces to acollective gasp. Even Gustavo releases a breathless “ooh” while continuing to record with delight. I push his equipment away and cut ahead of the front aisle to where Bulan’s fiery-red head has rolled in ecstatic, chaotic bliss.
“What are you doing?” I growl as I pick him up.
He has the audacity to beam at me. “I’m stopping the wedding!”
“No!” I hiss. “I need this wedding to happen!”
Which is why I’m going to draw attention to myself. I have to if I’m going to save this thing.
“Apologies for the interruption,” I announce to the watching room, putting Bulan behind my back. “This was a prank! Everyone, carry on, as you were!”
Unfortunately, Mab isn’t falling for that excuse again. She’s risen from her seat, apparently in competition with May to show the most astonishment. A hand over her forehead, she’s bending backward—kind of like a spring-loaded jack-in-the-box.
“Bran!” she screams with furious drama. “Whatis themeaningofthis?”
“And how did you get your body back?” May chips in. “I checked it was there before leaving my room!”
“You didwhat?” says Hanry from her side. He’s visibly revolted. Which is fair.
“I will tell you all!” booms out Bulan/Bran. He wiggles from my arms, then bounces back onstage, ascending several steps so he can be viewed by the entirety of the wedding guests, including the tree staircase.
