She busied herself pulling out mugs for all of them. When she spotted the spouted cups with the handles that her mother had bought for Lydia, the special cups she loved using at her grandparents’ house, Holly had to hitch in a breath, missing her daughter with a fierce ache.
Unfortunately, her mother’s hearing was far too sharp.
“Are you all right?” Paula asked gently.
For one absurd moment, Holly wanted to throw her arms around her mother and weep. She knew was being utterly ridiculous. Lydia was six miles away, not on the other side of the planet. And she would see her in less than twenty-four hours.
“I’m fine. I’m just missing my girl, you know? It doesn’t really feel like Christmas without her.”
“Oh yes. I know all about that.” Her mother set aside the cocoa she was measuring and reached for her hand. “Being without your children this time of year can be so hard. Do you remember the first Christmas after you were married?”
“Vaguely,” she said with a wry smile. “Yes, I remember. It wasn’t that long ago.”
“I remember it well because it was my worst Christmas ever.”
“Why?”
“Everyone was gone that year. Your brothers decided to go on a backpacking trip together in Australia, remember? And Hannah was dating that dental student whose parents had a ski lodge in Utah so she decided to spend Christmas with them. And then you and Troy went on that Western Caribbean cruise with his family.”
She did remember that. While she had enjoyed the cruise, it had been an odd experience to spend the holidays surrounded by a ship full of strangers—okay, and her new in-laws—instead of her own family.
“I remember.”
“I have never felt so blue,” Paula confided. “I was a mess. I almost didn’t want to put up a Christmas tree at all. Or any other decorations, for that matter.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, Mom. You should have come on the cruise with us.”
“You know how seasick your father gets, even taking a little fishing boat out on calm Lake Haven. He wouldn’t have enjoyed an ocean voyage at all.”
That was true. Her dad suffered from terrible motion sickness. He could never take them on any amusement park rides when they were young, even the most tame merry-go-round, without being queasy.
“No, we had resolved to have a nice, quiet Christmas that year, but I was completely miserable. Your father finally sat me down and told me I was forgetting that the holidays aren’t only about the parties or the big family dinners. They are about taking time to savor each moment and make cherished memories, even if you can’t always be with everyone you love.”
“You’re right. I’m being ridiculous. I’m here with my family, all of us together. How rare is that these days, with everyone going their separate directions?”
“You’re right about all of that, except one thing. You’re notbeing ridiculous at all. I don’t think that. You’re a mother who misses her child. It’s completely understandable. But as much as we love our children, we can’t always be the center of their worlds. Lydia has a father, a stepmother and a baby brother. They love her too and need the chance to create their own memories together with her.”
She squeezed her mother’s hands. “You’re right. As always.”
Paula snorted. “I should record you saying that and play it back for your father whenever he happens to forget.”
She smiled, mostly because she knew her father adored his wife. No matter what else might be going on in their lives, David Goodwin never let a day go by without making sure Paula felt cherished.
“Do you mind finishing the cocoa without me? I need to run home for a moment,” she said.
Her mother looked confused and a little concerned. “Now? Why?”
“I need to grab my pajamas. I guess we’re having a Christmas Eve slumber party.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
RYAN COULDN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME HE HAD SPENTChristmas with his father.
He had visited Kim a few times over the holidays when she was still living in the Las Vegas area. If he knew Douglas would also be there, he had purposely stayed away, making some excuse about not being able to score enough leave.
He had let the colonel have far too much control over his own holiday celebrations.
Now he stood on the covered deck of his sister’s house, bundled up against the cold and making stilted small talk with the man while looking out at a softly falling snow in the moonlight and the twinkling of neighboring Christmas lights reflecting on the lake.
