“Don’t say that. Where was God when Mom cried for years over your absence? Where was God for Christiana when she lay broken, dying on the side of the mountain? Mom’s family Bible verse says ‘When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.’ Guess what. They are sweeping over me. They are sweeping over Nimue. They swept over Mom. You weren’t there—but ask Logan.” He pinned his twin with his gaze as his voice rose. “You remember how she would get.”
Logan’s head bobbed, his eyes unfocused and distant, no doubt picturing their mom in her rocking chair, its creak filling the quiet house as she clutched a worn tissue. “But Godwasthere, and the riversdidn’tconsume her. I don’t know why He didn’t save Christiana, but her death wasn’t your fault.” His voice softened. “I don’t know if He’ll save Nimue, but you can’t blame yourself for her injury. You can’t keep everyone safe enough—you can’t keep yourself safe enough—to always avoid pain.”
“I know, but?—”
“No, you don’t know.” Logan’s voice was firm, his hands resting on his knees, the denim of his jeans faded from wear. “Ican hear it in your words. You somehow think that you should have been able to avoid this. That if you were better, more faithful, more diligently watching, these bad things wouldn’t have happened. But God doesn’t work that way. We live in a fallen, broken world. And sometimes we make mistakes. A broken world that comes with pain. But when that pain finds us, whether it’s our fault or not, God is with us.”
Liam’s fingers tightened around the armrest. “But if I’d?—”
“What? Not invited Christiana to climb? Not fought with Nimue?” Luke leaned forward, his eyes locked on Liam, his hands clasped tightly. “Could things be different? Maybe, but you could say that about anything, good or bad. We aren’t all-knowing; we are just human. But we are loved by God in all of our weakness. We just have to trust Him.”
Liam gave him a hard look. Then, “Don’t.” The word exploded out of him. “Don’t tell me to trust God.”
Luke raised an eyebrow.
Logan’s mouth pinched. “Why? Seems to me that you have nowhere else to go, bro. Trusting yourself hasn’t worked out so well.”
Liam drew in a breath.
“Listen, I just…It all just feels so out of control.”
“And you think any of this was in your control?” Logan again. “Christiana’s death? Not your fault. Nimue’s injuries? Also not your fault. You can’t control anything, really.”
Luke jumped in. “We’re human, not superheroes. Pain finds us anyway. But so does grace.”
Liam ran his fingers through his grimy hair—when had he last showered? “It’s not supposed to be this hard.”
“What’s not?”
“I don’t know. Living?”
Logan nodded. “Yeah.”
“Listen,” Luke said quietly. “No one is guaranteed an easy road. In fact, it’s pretty clear that life isn’t easy. But God…see, that’s the big qualifier, the great equalizer, the victory. He is our guarantee of an abundant life.”
“Yeah, nothing about grief or regret feels like abundant life.”
“The abundant living God promises isn’t an easy life and prosperity—that’s how the world defines abundance.” Luke waited until Liam lifted his head and met his gaze. “The true abundant living is that the God of the universe has given usaccessto Himself. His presence. His Holy Spirit living in us. Remember, God doesn’t say ‘if’ you pass through the waters or ‘if’ you walk through the fire. He says ‘when.’ And when it happens, He promises He’ll be there.”
Luke glanced at the floor for a moment, and when he looked back up, his eyes were red with emotion. “Hannah and I dreamed—planned on having a dozen kids. Then I almost lost her and Joseph during that delivery that resulted in an emergency hysterectomy. I went from having everything to almost losing it all in seconds. And when the dust settled, I was so thankful for Hannah’s life and we were so thankful for Joseph’s life, but we grieved the loss of that dream of eleven more kids.” He ran a hand over his eyes. “But God was with us, and He gave us a new dream. Jimmy, Asher, Roman. I can’t imagine a life without them. And I am guessing God’s not done building my family, but that doesn’t minimize the pain we went through. But God walked with us through that pain. He never left us. No matter what we face, the next sentence begins ‘but God.’”
“That right there is abundant living,” Logan said. “But God, because of His great love, works out all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. God gives even our suffering meaning. No life is wasted when it’s in the hands of God.”
Luke nodded. “But outside of God, where is our purpose, our hope, our strength?”
“Wow, did you guys practice this?”
Luke held up a fist to Logan. He bumped it.
“We’re on your side, Liam,” Logan said. “Always. Even when you ditch us and fly across the ocean.”
“I’m tired of ditching you. But…”
“But staying is hard,” Logan said.
Liam nodded. Drew in a breath. “What if she dies?” The question scraped Liam’s throat raw.
“Then you lean into God, into us, and we grieve together. But right now, she needs you.” Luke’s voice gentled. “Not running from what might happen—but present for what is happening.”
