“At least your son doesn’t share your taste,” Reggie said, and a spasm pulled at his mouth before he turned and stared at the next set of poles. “Oh, fuck my life, I didn’t?—”
Sensing it was time to leave him to what he was doing, I turned back to Jude. “And it’s hard being a parent other times too. Like when you went through a stage where all you did was scream because you didn’t want to go to bed. It was only a couple of months, but that wasn’t fun. Or when we had to send youto school for the first time and we realized we didn’t have to alternate days working from home because…you weren’t going to be there for the day. Or when Bradley down the street stopped being your friend, and you tried to act like it didn’t bother you when we knew it broke your heart. Or when Jen decided after a couple of months that you weren’t a good boyfriend for her. And now? Now you’re legally an adult, and it’s time we let you go out into the world…and it’s hard.”
“Mom’s a hard woman,” he said, but there was no heart in his words.
“She can be,” I agreed. “But for you, she’ll always be soft and vulnerable. You’re her weakest point, and it scares her that you’re going out into the world. And yeah, maybe it’s because she has a hard time letting go, but she’s a hard woman who knows how hard the world can be. Just…I’m not saying bend to her, don’t do that. One of the best ways you can prove you’re ready to take on the world is by being willing to take her on. That’s why I say she’s not as mad as you think. I honestly believe she was relieved when you went toe to toe with her and won. Just…remember she loves you. She needs to remember that you’re your own person and can stand on your own.”
Jude sighed, and I noticed the fire was no longer sputtering and struggling but had caught the branches and was catching onto the logs as well. “You always talk about her in such a good way.”
“That’s your mother; I’m not going to say anything bad about her,” I said with a frown.
He looked at the men who were being loud and paying us no mind, as some others were taking bets on which of the two climbers would make it, betting on who would get hurt the worst. Then he looked at Reggie, who could clearly hear us, but apparently Reggie didn’t count because he continued with his troubled thoughts.
“I know she cheated on you,” he said, and I felt my stomach drop to my feet.
“Motherfucker!” Reggie swore, and I watched as the poles he’d put together fell apart with a clatter. “Could youpleasenot drop bombshells when I’m trying to focus on this assblasting, two-timing, whore of a task?”
Jude stared at him and then glanced at me. “That was…colorful.”
“Jude,” I said softly, leaning forward so our knees bumped. “You were never?—”
“Supposed to know?” he guessed and shrugged when I nodded. “It wasn’t your fault, or Mom’s. Aunt Rita was over one time talking to her after you’d moved out. They’d been drinking and thought I was in bed. I wasn’t; I was texting you. Mom told her to be quiet, but I heard enough to know what happened.”
“Of course it was Rita,” I muttered. As if Charlene’s sister wasn’t loud enough, they had added wine to the mix? It was a wonder the whole neighborhood hadn’t heard. “Jude, I…there are reasons you weren’t supposed to know, because it didn’t involve you.”
“Yeah, but she?—”
“Did something wrong, yes, but don’t think I didn’t have a part to play in the failure of our marriage, okay? I screwed up in ways I just…I’m still trying to make sense of, and so did she. But that is between us, so if you’re harboring something against your mother…don’t. I forgave her a long time ago, and I think she’s forgiven me too.”
“Did you cheat?”
“No, but, Jude,” I sighed, I didn’t know how to explain it without laying out every last detail of my wrongs, which was no one’s business but mine and also something that would take too long to explain, especially with my lack of communication skills.
I had never understood or hated the irony of being one of the ‘leaders’ of a facility dedicated to improving not only mental health but also a secondary focus on communication as much as I did at that moment. Then again, as my eyes slid to Reggie, who had finally got the poles standing up in the tent, I supposed it wasn’t just for Jude’s sake that the irony stung bitterly.
“Would ya like some help over there, Reg?” one of the guys called out. Despite the horrible way the conversation was going, and my worry about Reggie, I had to duck my head to hide my laughter when Reggie whirled around, fury and disbelief in his eyes.
“Are you shitting me, Davis?” he barked. “You’re going to ask me thatnow? After I’ve already done the hard work, are you serious? You jerk off got your tents up and ready and left me struggling for half an hour?”
“Well,” Davis said, looking understandably taken aback by the sudden rush of fury from a man who was normally laid-back and even a little goofy. “Kinda figured since you and Mr. Shepherd were sharing a tent, he’d be helping you.”
“He’s been too busy learning he’s useless at making fires,” Reggie snapped, and while I wasn’t the target of his anger, I was apparently enough on his bad side to catch a stray bullet. Then his voice dropped so Jude and I were the only ones who could make out his muttering. “And having a heartwarming family sitcom moment.”
“What about that was heartwarming?” Jude asked in bewilderment.
“Don’t,” I warned him, because he had never seen Reggie have one of his rage moments. They were rare; he was prone to frustration and irritation, but rarely full-on anger. Even then he kept those moments out of the ‘public’ eye. Usually, only those closest to him were accustomed to seeing them enough to know they would flare hot and unnerving, but if left alone and unfed,would die away just as quickly. It was when he wasn’t as choosy, showing his temper to everyone, that you needed to be more cautious.
It was too late, however, and Reggie glared at him. “Hey, Jude?”
“Yessss?” Jude asked, and while my son lacked the knowledge and sense to have kept his mouth shut beforehand, he was at least perceptive enough to realize the ice he was walking on was deceptively thin and the sound of cracking could be heard.
“Do you remember how I told you that tomorrow I planned on showing the guys this place not too far from here?”
“I do.”
“The one that has a moderately dangerous path alongside a mountain, with only the mountain on one side and a drop on the other side?”
“I…yes, I remember.”
