When I closed the door and Ethan could no longer see me, I permitted my lip to wobble and a few tears to fall. Without the immediate importance of caring for my mate, I had to face my own grief.
My breaths came out ragged, like a knife had punctured my lungs. Lord Lucien’s loss weighed heavily on my shoulders, crushing me and causing my reserve to falter.
I didn’t have a dad. Lord Lucien had been the closest thing to a father-figure I had. He wasn’t just a professor to me, a teacher. He’d been myfriend. An adult who cared about me, someone with experience to guide me in this stupid quest to save the world.
Though we weren’t related, I felt his absence stronger than I felt my birth father’s. Lucien meant something to me. He’d helped me so many times on my journey to become the Worldweaver. He’d always been there to listen whenever I needed to talk, to give advice when I didn’t know what to do next. He’d helped me learn my magic. He made me feel strong when I was considering ending the bond with Ethan, and had been there for me when all seemed lost during the Slaughter of the Innocents.
And now he was gone. Vanished in a plume of ashes and smoke, killed by the hand of my own mate.
What a terrible world this was.
I barely suppressed tears as I began the walk down to the cafeteria in a daze. Unexpectedly, my steps changed. I wasn’t sure where I was going, until I found myself taking the winding staircase upward, to Lady Magdalina’s office.
I thought I would have to wait for her, but the Circle meeting must’ve been short, because she was sitting at her desk scribbling on a mess of papers. She looked up as I walked in. “Emmaline.”
I didn’t answer or explain. I couldn’t hold the tears back. They coursed down my face as I conjured a battle orb. It grew blue and blazing in my hand, sapphire shadows flickering across the room.
It washerfault Lucien had died. This hadn’t been a part of our plan. She knew about the trial-by-combat, had it ready just in case things weren’t looking good. It’d been her strategy all along, to toss Lucien away. She could’ve at leasttold me, so I had time to say goodbye.
The day before I’d left for Arcanea University, my mother had words of warning for me about Magdalina and her scheming. “She’ll ask you to do things that will be extremely difficult, and expects success every time.”
Mom’s warning barely seemed adequate now. With Lady Magdalina on our side, we’d always win.
But what we’d have to lose to gain that victory almost didn’t seem worth it. Lady Magdalina had expected me to bear the brunt of Lucien’s loss. What she wanted from me was more than difficult. It was torturous.
Lady Magdalina watched me calmly. Without a word, I reared my hand back. I let out an agonized scream and tossed it straight at her head, as hard as I could.
Lady Magdalina briskly stood, and waved her hand. My battle orb fizzled out before it graced her presence. I gave another angry yell and threw another battle orb at her, and another, and another.
She stopped them all. At this point, I’d given up on magic and was ready to use my fists. I stomped toward her, but before I had time to draw a hand back, I fell to my knees. Sobs emitted from my chest as I buried my head in my hands. “Howcouldyou?”
“Oh, my dear.” Lady Magdalina sank beside me and wrapped me in her arms. “For the greater good, we all have to make sacrifices.”
I sobbed into her bodice, hating her and loving her all at the same time. As much as I despised her for giving up Lord Lucien… it had been in exchange for Ethan’s life.
And in the end, if I had to choose, it would always be my mate.
Lady Magdalina stroked my hair. “Chin up, Emmaline. I promise you will feel happiness again.”
Her comfort seemed inadequate, even heartless. I knew I would. But in this moment, it didn’t feel like there’d ever be light in the world once more. Lucien and Ethan’s faces flashed before my eyes, sucking the joy from my heart.
I could not keep them both.
Ethan wasasleep when I slipped back in, carrying two takeout boxes. I set them gently on the desk, and Tygrys mewed. I put a finger to my lips, to tell him to be quiet.
Didn’t work. Ethan stirred anyway. His eyes blearily blinked as he smelled the food.
“I got your favorite,” I offered. “Prime rib, extra rare, with a side of pork.”
Yes, Ethan got a side of meat with his meat. Quite wolfish. And bad for his cholesterol, though I hoped his shifter blood could handle it.
He managed to sit up. I handed him his box, and he began eating slowly. Ethan fed bits of fat to Tygrys as he cut them off, and the tiger faerie chewed in ecstasy.
I didn’t even care if he got grease on the sheets, but though he was starving, Ethan was polite and well-mannered when he ate.
Side effect of being raised royal, I guessed.
My stomach dropped. Much of Ethan’s identity had revolved around being a prince. Now that he was a prince no longer, would he lose himself again?
