“Caring for others is good,” Takahashi said. “Have you given it any thought that maybe you don’t have to do it all by yourself?”
“Yes, but I want to. I’ve never had to provide for anyone. It feels good,” he countered. “Ilikebeing depended on. It means someone gives a damn.”
“You don’t have to do anything for me,” I spoke up. “I can take care of myself.”
Charlie shook his head. “I don’t want you to do that, pidge. I can handle things for all three of us. I just want you to sit back and keep those pretty little nails clean. You and Oberi don’t have to worry about a thing. Not anymore.”
There was almost a promise in his tone— like he’d found what he considered a way out. It was really setting me on edge.
“Be that as it may, be aware you don’t have to carry the entire world on your shoulders,” Takahashi said kindly. “It shows you have empathy for others, but make sure to reserve some compassion for yourself.”
“I’ve been living for myself for years, and it’s gotten me nowhere,” Charlie rebutted. “I don’t… have a family. I never did. My friends are the best I’m ever gonna get. Ava and Oberi are the closest thing I have to a family, because we share a bond. And I’ll be damned if I’m ever gonna let that go.”
Oberi whined, and I felt tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. Charlie felt like that aboutme? I hurriedly dotted at the corners of my eyes with my sweater sleeve, and was glad for the millionth time Charlie couldn’t see it, but he felt it anyway. He reached out his hand across the gap that was between us, and I took it. A rush of warmth rushed across my hand to his, and Oberi barked as he bumped his head under our arms.
“I’m glad to hear you’ve found some semblance of family here at the Institute,” Takahashi said. “Just be sure you’re making the right choices.”
Charlie didn’t say anything, but I knew by his stony expression he was done talking.
Takahashi didn’t push him further. Instead, he asked, “Ava, is there anything you’d like to add?”
I froze. I’d been thinking about what I was going to say at this counseling session all week. I wanted to open up to more people about my past experiences. Ezekiel hadn’t taken the news about my past the best way, but maybe Kallie and Marcus would.
“I am…” I took a breath. “I’m worried about my brother.”
“And why is that?” Takahashi asked.
“Because he was sentenced here for beating up my rapist, and I feel like it’s my fault.”
My heart beat so fast that I thought it would rip out of my chest. My voice cracked when I made the statement out loud, and tears threatened to well out of my eyes, but I refused to let them spill. Time froze as I waited on what everyone might say. As hard as it was to admit what had happened to me out loud, it was worse waiting for everyone’s reaction.
Kallie let out a strangled gasp, and the blood drained from Marcus’ face. Even Rishi looked up. Tears started forming in Kallie’s eyes, while Marcus hovered somewhere between shock and disbelief, as if hoping he’d misheard me.
Takahashi was the only one besides Charlie who remained calm, though a slight shadow of sadness passed behind his black eyes. He was a therapist at a reform school for troubled kids, so I was sure he heard stories like mine all the time, but it was clear by his expression that the thought of one of his students getting hurt bothered him.
“I thought Ezekiel got sentenced because he beat the crap out of some guy that got with his ex-girlfriend,” Marcus said apprehensively.
“That’s what he’s telling everybody,” I replied. “But that’s not the real story. I went to a party a couple of years ago when I was still in high school. I’d gone because… because my best friend had died after we’d run away from home. I thought trying to have some fun would get my mind off her, but I ended up getting cornered by someone in the woods that I knew. I didn’t tell anyone about it for almost two years, until I got to the Institute. The only people I ever told were Charlie and my brother. And now you guys. My parents don’t even know.”
It was a very short summary of what had happened, but the details felt too raw to go over with anyone but Charlie. He squeezed my hand, and the comforting feeling made a wave of relief wash over me. Telling the story the third time was already much easier. It was like the more I talked about it, the less power it had over me.
“Oh gods, Ava.” Kallie got up and gave me a hug. I had to let go of Charlie’s hand to embrace her. Her hold nearly suffocated me. Ancestors, the girl had a grip. She could squeeze monsters to death no problem.
Marcus’ face was drawn tight. “I’m so, so sorry that happened to you. I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. It just feels better that you know,” I replied. “The more people I have to help me carry this, the less alone I feel.”
“I wish this pervert was here right now. I’d enjoy ripping his balls off and feeding them to Oberi, before I shoved a flaming sword up his ass,” Kallie growled. Oberi barked, like he approved of the idea.
“Kallie,” Takahashi said gently, telling her to settle. She stomped back to her seat and flopped into it, looking peeved.
“Ava, what you said was very brave,” Takahashi said. “I’m honored you chose to share this story with us.”
“Is there anything we can do?” Marcus asked. “I know we can’t make up for it, but I feel we should dosomethingto make it better.”
“I don’t need anyone to do anything for me,” I said, shocked that he would offer. “I just need someone to listen.”
“We’re your friends. We’re always going to be by your side, no matter what,” Kallie insisted.
