“Well, let’s start there.” Lucien flipped to almost the end of the grimoire, and Arthur leaned close as he hovered over the page.
Lucien read aloud his own words as he spoke, “To use Unseelie magic, you must pull from a power that isn’t your own. But to use shadow manipulation, you must harness the power within your shadow side, the darkness that is created within you, by yourself and other people. To do so, begin thus: meditate until a deep trance is accessed, the site of your shadow self. Once that piece of yourself is accessed, summon its power, until your physical form is able to mutate into shadow itself. Once this has been accomplished, you will be able to become shadow at any time.”
“That sounds so easy,” I remarked.
“It’s not,” Lucien assured me. “It’s a very difficult task, to get acquainted and accept the darker side of you.”
“But I can do it,” I insisted. Ethan had, when he’d banished the leshane, and so would I.
“You will in time.” Lucien closed the book. “I will guide you into a trance. Once you are within your shadow self, attempt to pull on its power. You will know you have succeeded, because you will be able to do the spell.”
I wassoready to get started. I closed my eyes, and awaited Lucien’s instruction. The sound of the birds chirping in the garden and the far-off sounds of Dolinska lulled me into a stupor as Lucien said, “Imagine you are going down a tunnel, deep inside yourself. It is dark there, with no light other than one you hold in your hand. It frightens you to go inward, yet you press on, and venture further still. You proceed downward and downward, until you are further than the center of the Earth, and deeper even then, until you find yourself folding inside yourself, into the recesses of your soul.”
The feeling in my gut was uncomfortable, like a heavy stone that was sinking me into the sea. I pressed on, imagining the dark space until it felt completely real. I was no longer sitting at a table on a warm autumn’s day, but spiraling down this tunnel, which only appeared to narrow the further I went in.
“At the end of the tunnel, you will see a door,” Lucien said. “Grasp it and go onward, where you shall speak to your darker side, and listen to what they have to say…”
Lucien’s voice fell away, and the meditation became real by the use of my illusion magic. I saw the door, could feel the doorknob underneath my hand. I grasped it, and turned the knob until I stepped out of the tunnel and into the gray fog.
The sky was overcast. Everything around me was different shades of gray, no color involved. I was in some kind of forest, the trees black, an outline of a monotone painting surrounding me.
The only color that could be seen was in the person standing in front of me. I knew she was me— she was the realest part of me I knew, all the fears and worries that held me back. It was like looking in a mirror when you felt depressed. My shadow side was dressed in all black, a haunted expression on her face I wanted to turn away from.
My clone stared back at me. With a dry mouth, I asked, “What do you want to say?”
I knew my own fears, right? I’d faced the worst of them when I’d participated in the Trial of Tears. There was nothing she could say that would frighten me.
Yet when my clone spoke, my stomach turned hollow. “You know you’ve been deluding yourself.”
I said nothing, and the clone took a step closer. “You have a destiny. A plan.Nothingcan get in the way of that,” she insisted. “You love Ethan— so do I. He’s my life and our home, but sometimes, you have to go far from home to accomplish what needs to be done. He will try to hold you back from achieving your destiny, and you can’t allow that. Youknowyou will die, due to your destiny. There’s no other way around that. And you can’t run away from what the gods have planned for you.”
“I can change it,” I insisted. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”
My clone shook her head. “You have to understand that what you are destined to be may hurt him. You have to accept that he will get hurt. I know you want to take his pain away, but pain is necessary. He has to learn to walk his own path. You can’t shield him from everything, Emma. You have to acknowledge your fate, and be willing to let him suffer when it is time.”
This felt all too similar to when I’d drank from the nectar of the gods, and I couldn’t take it. “No.” I backed away and shook my head. “This isn’t real.”
“Accept your death,” my shadow self insisted. “Surrender equals power. Give yourself up to your fate, and realize that your life will soon draw to an end. Only then will you be free.”
I’d had enough. I ended the vision, spiraling back out of the tunnel and coming back to reality. I gasped as I opened my eyes, taking in the sight of the garden, the beautiful sky. I’d missed the colors. It felt like I’d been down there for ages.
Lucien blinked at me, but Arthur was still locked deep in the trance. I watched him for a few moments, wondering if he’d found success where I hadn’t.
I felt amazement overcome me as I watched Arthur’s body dissolve into bits of smoky particles. His form became wispy, a column of black smoke. I observed in awe as he swept around the gardens, until the shadowy substance materialized once again into the brother I knew.
“Brilliant,” Arthur said, clearly impressed. “I didn’t realize it’d feel like that.”
Arthur opened his fingers, and black smoke furled out from his palms. He appeared bewildered by his newfound ability.
I was glad he’d mastered it. And what was more, I didn’t feel jealous in the slightest.
“Wonderful. Now that you’ve accessed it once, you’ll be able to do it again,” Lucien said. “Emma, would you like to try a second time?”
“Absolutely not,” I said. “It’s too much.”
Lucien nodded, but Arthur frowned. “I thought this was important to you.”
Not as important as continuing to hold onto the hope that I could still do something to change my fate.
