Yet, why did her soul still feel so distant?
The rest of the night passed by in a blur, and one day bled into another. People came and went to visit Ava, but I barely heard the conversations going on around me. The news played constantly on TV, yet I couldn’t work up the energy to pay attention. I caught bits and pieces. Supernatural societies were mobilizing to attack and defend each other. Refugees were fleeing their homes to avoid the bombings that were going on day in and day out. The Union was negotiating and forming alliances.
There were so many rumors, no one knew what to believe. Propaganda played on TV, painting the Hawkei as evil, since they’d been the first to attack.
Even if we exposed the Warden now, there’d be hordes of people who’d never believe us. I’d bet anything the Warden played a hand in the campaign against the Hawkei. The truth was hiding in plain sight, but who would believe it?
I realized then that the Warden didn’t have to deal with Ava’s parents if he could get other people to do it for him. They’d already made Liam out to be a sick, traumatized man who wanted justice for Ava’s “accident.” Now that the Hawkei had destroyed part of Celestial City, whatever the tribe could say to defend itself was basically worthless.
None of it mattered, though.
I never left Ava’s side. I slept on the chair in her room and ate only when Sophia brought me takeout from the cafeteria. I forced the food down my throat and nearly gagged each time. It was the first time in my life when I didn’t feel like eating. She brought me coffee every morning, but I just let it go cold. I couldn’t stomach it.
More than once, I’d fallen asleep in the chair and woken to a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. Sophia hadn’t left the hospital, either. I didn’t think she knew what to do other than take care of me.
The Warden left me alone, thank the ancestors. Winter break had started, so I didn’t have to go to class, though no one came to force me into factory shifts. I didn’t know what the Warden was up to, but it must’ve been more important than worrying about keeping me in line. Or maybe he thought he could keep a closer eye on me if I stayed in Ava’s room.
Whatever. All that mattered was being here when she woke up.
Sophia administered treatments, but her magic couldn’t heal everything. All she could do was speed up the body’s own healing processes, and if the body didn’t want to heal itself… well, you were shit out of luck.
A week must’ve passed— a long, agonizing week without the other half of my soul. I didn’t know how much longer we could wait. Ava’s dad hadn’t come back yet. I knew that nothing but total chaos and the need to protect his other children would keep him away from his first born, who was struggling to hold on to life. Whatever was going on in the supernatural world right now had to be absolute insanity.
The doctors removed Ava’s tube to see if she could breathe on her own. I could hardly stomach the sounds coming from her mouth. She wasn’t conscious, but I swore I heard her gagging like she was in pain. I wanted to crawl into her body and take her place, so she wouldn’t have to feel the discomfort.
I prayed to every god I knew that she’d start improving, but judging by the deafening silence coming from the doctors, I knew things weren’t looking good.
Oberi seemed calmer than ever— so calm, in fact, that sometimes I forgot he was there. He lay at the foot of Ava’s bed most days, but that snarky attitude he usually had was just… gone. I was getting sick of it.
“Okay, Oberi,” I snapped one day. We sat alone in Ava’s room with nothing but the sound of the hospital machines to keep us company. “Speak up. What’s going on? You know something, don’t you? You’re hiding something from me.”
I’m not hiding anything, he promised, sounding genuine.I just don’t feel the need to speak.
“You’re acting like a psychopath,” I accused. “Ava-Marie may not pull through, and you’re just sitting there licking your paws like it’s a Saturday afternoon at the spa.”
Something twinged through the bond, and I swear to the ancestors it was the first thing I felt from him in a week. Oberi wasoffended.
You act like I’m not grieving,he shot back.
“Well, you aren’t!” I cried. “Show some goddamn emotion, would you?”
I’m sad Ava’s gone, but I’m also… at peace,he said gently.
I gaped. “At peace? How are you fine about all this? Do you not understand what’s happening? Ava may never come back to us!”
I understand completely, Oberi said.But I also understand that I cannot control the outcome. I don’t need to worry about a problem that doesn’t exist.
“Doesn’texist?!” I shouted. “What are you saying? Ava no longerexists?”
Oberi remained calm.It is only a problem if we make it one. I love Ava enough to accept whatever decision she makes. I’ll be able to go on without her, because I know we’ll be together again. Whether she decides to stay or go matters not. I will accept her choice either way. I trust that all will turn out exactly as it is meant to.
His words shook me, and conflict swirled in my stomach. I didn’t want to agree with him… but I had to.
Maybe Oberi was right. I’d had a week to process that Ava-Marie might be gone for good. I didn’t want to put her through any more suffering. If Ava didn’t want to return to me… well, I had to respect that and trust that she knew best.
And I had to trust Oberi when he said we would all be together again one day. Saying goodbye to Ava now didn’t mean saying goodbye forever.
Yet my guts twisted knowing she didn’t choose to come back to me. It was torture unlike any other. But that was my human brain talking. Deep down in my soul, I knew that Ava would never leave me.
