I truly believed, at the time, no one would have to die. Gabby would be on the throne, but my friends and my mate would be safe. She all but implied as such before I sealed the deal; “When Emmaline’s Sosna’s influence over Malovia is done, I will release you from your contract, and your mate will remain well all the years of your life.”
I knew in my heart I could not trust her. That eventually, she would do me in. I saw the disgusted look in her eyes each time we met face-to-face. She thought Ozzie and I were abominations, and time after time, I considered telling you the truth. I knew I was responsible for the loss of Pruska, for the death of all those soldiers, as it was my information that caused us to lose that city. The guilt was almost as bad as my fear of losing Ozzie, yet not enough, so I remained silent.
Hurting Kiara was nearly the last straw. I regretted placing that cursed doll in her room the moment I did so. But by that time, I was too far in. I knew I’d be executed at some point, by either Ethan or Gabby, and that there was no turning back from my cowardly mistakes.
Once Droga was raised, I lost the hope I had for a brighter future. I thought I’d made the right choice siding with Gabby, because you and Ethan had lost, and so, who would protect Ozzie then?
I attempted to end the contract once you lost the crown, but unfortunately, Gabby’s magic held me to my word. Your influence over Malovia was still prevalent, though you were no longer a queen, so I was forced to continue being her spy. I worked for Gabby with the knowledge that she owned Malovia with a god at her side, so there was no chance of you beating her. Unable to free myself of this bad contract, I had to do damage control, and protect the only thing in my life I considered worth saving.
I wanted you to win, I really did. There is not a thing I regret more than giving Gabby the Crystals of Harmony, yet what could I do? The magical deal we made forced me to be her slave. Though I knew this couldn’t end well, I decided that giving her what she wanted was better than refusing her, for she’d surely kill my mate for violating our deal.
For my final mission, she told me if I brought her the Crystals of Harmony, she’d consider our contract fulfilled, and release me from my obligation to her.
And release me she shall— in death.
I was weak for allowing her to sway me in such a way, for she has Ozzie now, and I am sure that once I die, he will die as well. Gabby will have stuck to her word— that my mate will remain well all the years of my life— and our magical contract will be complete. The very thing I strived for this entire time… Ozzie’s safety… is now lost. I gambled with the hope that Gabby would see me as a good spy, and spare me and my love. But we were tools to her. Now I see that she’d never permit a man who loves another man to live, even if that man has practically handed her a country on a platter, for one good spy is worth a thousand soldiers.
Ozzie never knew of all this. He was unaware of everything, up until the end. He forgave me for it, do you know that? I do not deserve a kind heart such as him. And the gods knew it, for they have taken him away from me.
If it is any consolation at all, I did not reveal where you are hiding, though they tortured me so. Despite the wording of the contract, I am only forced to supply Gabby with information that negates yourinfluenceon Malovia itself, not information that compromises your safety, for I am a tricky fae too, and I can utilize what little bit of the contract works in my favor for your benefit. Despite the fierce torture, she could not get that much out of me, a small bit of bitter pride I can hold on to in these final moments. She took everything from me, and so, I vowed not to give her this. I managed to fool her into believing we were living in separate locations, and that I had no idea where you could be. For my failure to betray you one last time, she has ordered my execution imminently.
Do not weep for me, Emma, a traitor of the worst kind. I do not fear death, as I go to my god. Whether Tomir sees fit to send me to the Underworld or allow me into the Great Hunting Grounds is something I will see after I cross from this world into the next, though I pray he does not judge me too harshly, for what I did, I did out of love. I am not afraid of the noose. I’ve always longed to see Edinmyre, even for a moment. I know in my heart that it is my home, and I will at least glimpse it on the way to my damnation.
My last wish is to see the ice again. I’d give anything to skate upon its pearly surface one last time. Tell Amantha, next time she competes, if she ever does, to win a medal for me. I find it asinine that I worked my whole life for one goal, one competition, and that I had it in the end, but will die never seeing my dream come to life.
Find Ozzie, I beg of you. Give your best to do what I could not.
The end of the letter was a jagged line, as if he’d heard the guards coming and had to stop writing quickly.
I closed my eyes. Tears seeped out from under the lids and fell to the ground as I recalled Jasper’s wretched words.
She has them, Emma. I handed them over.
Finlay was done digging the grave. I suddenly realized what was going on, and felt the need to object.
“No,” I said suddenly. “I don’t care if he’s a traitor. Jasper deserves a true fae burial, with all the rites. To bury him in the middle of nowhere like this is sacrilege, in our religion! His ashes deserve to be spread to the gods or interred with other fae in a cemetery, not lying alone in the middle of the woods in an unmarked grave like some forgotten soldier!”
“Gabby’s minions will return to desecrate and humiliate the body. We can’t allow that to happen,” Ethan said gently.
“So we take him back to the estate, and bury him there,” I insisted.
“We don’t have time.” Ethan was trying to be as kind as he could, but his tone was urgent. It reminded me we had other matters to deal with, and that made me angry.
To hell with it all. Gabby had everything she needed to win. I merely wanted the simple comfort of giving my friend a goodbye.
“Then we build a pyre and continue the proper ceremonies,” I insisted.
“We can’t burn him. It will signal to Gabby where we are,” Ethan said.
“She already knows we’re here!” I demanded. “What’s the point in hiding anymore?”
“I love Jasper, but I don’t wish to join him,” Finlay snapped harshly.
I wanted to smack him across the face, but Kiara approached. “I am— was— studying to be a priestess.” Kiara winced with the painful truth of it, as if she realized in that moment her dreams would never be accomplished. “What’s important is that his remains are returned to the ground, to nature, as a fae should. It’s not ideal, but the gods will handle the rest.”
I said nothing more. I was outvoted, and reason overcame emotion, as it always did. I resented them all for being cowards, even if it did put us in danger.
At that moment, I welcomed danger. I wanted to war against the world, and so, I had no fear left. Only grief.
