Complicated emotions raged inside of me. Hope. Regret. Heartache. I didn’t think I’d get the chance to speak with Monica again until after I died— and even then, I hadn’t gotten that chance. The gift Marcus was giving me was incredible.
Oberi’s ears had perked up.This is a good plan, Ava. It’s not like bringing Thaddeus here to the Institute. Speaking with Monica might help you heal.
“Then I’m ready,” I said. “When should we begin?”
“Let’s go to the Witch Tower now. The supplies will be there.” Marcus subconjured his things, and turned toward me.
The three of us made our way there. After Kallie had lifted my chair up the stairs with her telekinetic magic, Marcus got to work setting up the area.
Oberi changed into a Fire unicorn and dipped her head as Marcus buzzed around the room, furiously getting things in place. He drew a chalk alchemy circle on the floor, placing herbs around it like he’d done with the ritual to summon Thaddeus.
When he was finished, Marcus faced me. “Okay, Ava, enter the middle of the circle.”
I rolled into the alchemy circle, and Marcus said, “I’ll be the conduit. Monica’s spirit is going to come through me and into the circle, but she won’t be able to leave it. Once you come out of the circle, the communication will be over, and she’ll return to the Ancestral Lands. You ready?”
“Yes.” My voice shook. Now that the moment was here, I wasn’t sure how to feel. I’d been living without her for so long that she’d become a distant memory, almost like something my bipolar had made up. I wasn’t sure how to continue our relationship after her death, as I’d struggled so much without her. This wouldn’t be like when I’d seen her image in the caves that led to Forevermore. That was an illusion meant to trick me. This would actually be therealMonica. I had no idea what she would say. It was honestly really scary.
But I wanted to speak with her more than anything, so I’d take this chance, even if what she said hurt. Marcus knelt by the edge of the alchemy circle and placed his hands upon the edge. The alchemy circle lit up, glowing amethyst and igniting the room. Kallie watched the display from afar, her hair blown back by the burst of power the circle emitted.
The alchemy circle continued to glow, and Marcus’ eyes took on the same color, shining a deep purple. Rishi walked the edge of the alchemy circle and meowed, while Oberi stood cautiously at my side.
I didn’t see a ghost materialize, as I’d seen Thaddeus. “Is she here?” I asked, looking around. I expected her to pop right up in front of me, and yet, nothing.
“She is,” Marcus replied, though his voice echoed strangely. His face reddened, and he added, “Oh, wow. No wonder she’s your friend, Ava. She sure doesn’t hold anything back.”
“What’d she say?” I asked eagerly.
“It was inappropriate,” Marcus said distastefully. “Ghosts aren’t usually so… brutally honest.”
I can hear her, Oberi said lightly.She’s quite funny.
“Why can’t I hear her? Or see where she is?” I was getting impatient.
“She doesn’t want to show herself to you.”
“What the hell!” I threw my hands up.
“She won’t cross over from the spirit realm. She’s remaining there while sending messages straight to me.”
“If she’s going to relay everything she says through you, anyway, why not just show her ass up and talk to me in person?” I demanded.
“She doesn’t want to.” Marcus cocked his head. “It’s weird. I have the ability to bring her spirit over, but she’s resisting. I don’t get it.”
I felt rejected. She hadn’t come to speak with me in the Ancestral Lands when I’d died, now she was refusing to come talk to me. Wasn’t I worthy? Didn’t she miss me at all, like I desperately missed her?
“Ava, I can’t do this forever,” Marcus reminded me. “This takes a lot of magical energy. So if you want to talk to her, I suggest you start, instead of complaining about the methods involved.”
I huffed. “Fine. I’ll take what I can get.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat. “I’m sorry for what happened. I go over that night all the time and wonder if I could’ve changed anything, and if it was possible to save you. Maybe if I had done something different, you’d still be here today.”
I thought about it all the time— what would’ve happened if I had stopped us from running away, if those men hadn’t tried to pull me into that van, if Monica had tried to save herself instead of attempting to rescue me. There were a million variables that could’ve made things turn out differently.
“She doesn’t blame you for what happened,” Marcus said quickly. “She thinks it washerfault.”
“It wasn’t,” I insisted. “The only people responsible for her death are the men who killed her.”
“She knows that, but she regrets not going back home when you wanted to,” Marcus replied. “But what she doesn’t regret is trying to save you. She wouldn’t have run away, Ava. She couldn’t leave you behind.”
