Good. I was prepared to go on the warpath the minute this kid was out of my body. I’d been ready to give up, but I was a badass who’d been assembling the Firebirds and holding a dagger to Cameron’s throat while I was going into labor. If I could handle that, I could do anything.
Let the Warden come. I was so pissed off right now I’d fight him even without my magic, and when I died in the process, I’d be in the back of his mind for all eternity. He’d never get rid of me.
“Did you feel anything?” Charlie asked.
“Nope.” If the doctors were doing anything at all, I wouldn’t be aware of it unless someone told me.
Oberi gave a small woof, and Charlie scowled. “What?” I asked.
Charlie’s frown got deeper. “Oberi’s trying to make jokes to lighten the mood.”
“Well, was it a funny one?”
Charlie mumbled something under his breath, and I asked, “What was that?”
Charlie dropped his voice to an embarrassed whisper. “He said the only thing you can feel down there is my dick, because it’s so big.”
I snorted. “Good one, Oberi.”
Oberi panted. He knew exactly how to make me smile, even if this whole endeavor was just crazy.
Charlie helped me move onto my back, and several nurses lunged out of the way as my mother charged into the room. Her face was knitted with worry, though her anxiety eased when she saw Luana was there. Mama took one look at me and said, “Don’t worry, honey. I’m here.”
My mother had been trained as a doula after she’d married my father, and had helped many Toaqua women give birth alongside Luana. It had been part of her role as the female head of the Toaqua tribe. She knew a lot about having kids, too, since she’d pushed four out herself, so I felt safer when she was nearby. If anyone could handle insane circumstances, it was Sophia Mitoh. She’d brought an end to the Hawkei Civil War, so she could help me have a random mystery baby, right? Right?
“Where’s Daddy?” I really wanted my dad right now. He’d either tell me everything would be all right or rip Charlie’s head off, and both were great options.
“Near the edge of the shield, getting the soldiers ready to push the Warden back.” Mama brushed my hair. “I promise everything is going to be all right.”
I don’t know what happened— I was getting by before my mother came in, but once she started to reassure me, I immediately burst into tears. “I’m so stupid!”
“Oh, Ava.” Her cool hands were reassuring, but it wasn’t enough to calm me down.
“I should’ve noticed! I don’t know why I didn’t!” Tears pooled from my eyes. Charlie’s expression wavered, like he was seconds from breaking down alongside me. This was the last thing we needed to deal with when our marriage was crumbling. Now we were having a baby in the middle of a divorce. How in the world were we going to fix this?
“This isn’t your fault, Ava. Any symptoms of pregnancy would’ve mimicked the symptoms of your spinal injury, and you wouldn’t have been able to feel the baby move well,” Mama explained. “You already have urinary issues, chronic pain, fatigue, and so many other things that go along with pregnancy, so nothing would’ve appeared unusual to you. Any pregnancy signs would seem to be nothing more than spinal injury complications, to you."
I supposed that was true. My periods hadn’t been consistent before I got injured, and since I’d broken my spine they only showed up every few months or so. I guess I had skipped them for a while… a long fucking time, actually… but I’d never kept track of them, because they were so random and spread apart.
I often felt unwell, so anything that might’ve been a result of the pregnancy, I would’ve brushed off, because I would’ve assumed it had something to do with my spine. I had been gaining more weight, but that had been happening since I’d gotten hurt. I used to be too thin, because back at the Institute I’d exercised to the point of exhaustion and starved myself for days. I’d finally recovered from disordered eating in the past year, so I didn’t consider it abnormal that I was heavier now when I was actually finishing my meals. I’d figured the extra weight gain had been because I’d spent my days sitting around in my chair and very little time exercising my upper body.
Apparently not. “But a whole baby? How did I not notice until now?”
Mama shook her head. “The doctors think the baby is very small, Ava.”
Luana began to sign again, and Mama watched her carefully. “If Luana’s guess is correct, and it usually is, you’re barely seven months into your pregnancy.”
A cavern of dismay opened inside my gut. “The baby’s… going to be premature?”
Mama nodded. “Yes. They’re preparing the NICU for the delivery now.”
My mind calculated numbers quicker than my thoughts could race to catch up to them. “If I’m seven months along, that’s only twenty-eight weeks. Will it… will it survive?”
I didn’t want this baby, had no desire for it. But that didn’t mean I wanted it to die. This baby had to live, because if it didn’t, that meant it was my fault it died, because I didn’t get the right prenatal care. I’d already killed so many children when I’d tried to end the world. I couldn’t let the death of this child be on my hands, too.
“We’re going to make sure we do everything possible for the health of this baby,” Mama said. “But this baby has Mitoh blood, and if there’s anything we know about this family, we can survive the worst this world throws at us. Disease and death have tried to kill me, you, your father, your brother, and everyone else in our bloodline, and we’ve all remained strong through the worst of it. This baby will be strong, too.”
“Okay.” I pulled myself together. Now wasn’t the time to lose it, even though all I wanted to do was cry. “I guess I’ll try my best, though I have no idea what I’m doing.”
