She shoved her shoulder into mine on the way out, practically slamming the door behind her.
I turned to Ava, not really sure where to start. “How are you doing?” I finally asked, and immediately regretted it. Ava couldn’t be doing well. I knew that.
“I’m fine,” she answered. Her tone was hard to read.
“Do you want to meet him?” I asked. “He’s?—”
“No,” Ava said hollowly.
Her blunt response shocked me. She didn’t care to see him… at all? How could she feel that way? She didn’t understand yet that he was the most special thing in the entire world. Once she saw him, I just knew she’d fall in love like I had… right?
Despite how stunned I was, I didn’t let it show. “I’m here to help in any way I can. I want to be his dad, and be involved. I’ll do anything you need me to do.”
Ava scoffed. “I didn’t want any of this. I wanted a clean break. Now I’ll never get one.”
My heart ached. She’d wanted to cut and run, to get away from me and leave me behind her. She desired a new life where I wasn’t in it, so she could forget about me. Now there would always be something tying us together, and we’d never heal. I’d made this so much worse on us. “We don’t have to figure it out right now. I just thought you should know… he’s a naderei.”
I didn’t expect Ava to jump for joy or claim all hope was restored, but I expected some sort of reaction. Instead, the only reply Ava gave was an empty, “Oh.”
I had no idea what she was feeling, or how to help. Without our bond tugging me one way or the other, it was impossible to feel her. She was right here in front of me, yet she might as well be on the other side of the ocean.
“If you don’t want him, I’ll take him,” I offered. “I know you didn’t ask for this. No one’s going to make you be a mom when you don’t want to be. I’m fine with being a single parent. Really. If you want your clean break, it’s the least I could give you. I’ll take the baby, and you can move on.”
“I could never move on from you.” The words weren’t affectionate, but cold. She spoke them as if they were a life sentence she couldn’t escape from.
An unending silence followed, as if Ava had vanished on the spot. It was like she was refusing to answer me.
“You don’t have to decide anything right now,” I added. “I just want you to know it’s an option?—”
“I don’t care what you do, Charlie,” Ava snapped. “Take him or don’t. It really doesn’t matter to me. I just don’t want the public to find out. Nobody can know I had this baby except those who have to. Make sure the people in the palace know that’s a royal order from the princess.”
Ava could be blunt at times, and harsh when she wanted to be. Still, she’d never been this cruel. Her words cut deeply as I struggled to comprehend she wanted nothing to do with this child we’d made together. Didn’t she care at all that he was a part of me and her, the last piece of us that still existed and would last?
Maybe she was no longer the woman I’d married. Maybe she’d never been the person I thought she was.
I stepped back. “Okay. I understand. I just… I wanted to thank you.”
My fingers twitched. I desperately desired to hold her hand, but I restrained myself with everything I had.
“Thank me for what?” She sounded irritated. Why was she pushing me away like this after the incredible moment we’d just shared? It was breaking my heart.
“For… you know, for this.” For the precious gift you gave me. “It means so much to me.”
My arm slightly lifted to stroke her hair, but I held myself back. Those few hours when I’d been allowed to touch her during labor had been a precious gift. She seemed like she couldn’t get enough of me then, but she clearly desired nothing more than to be as far away as possible.
“No problem.” She spoke plainly, with disgust.
I had to hold myself back from gaping. “Ava, you didn’t do me a simple favor, you had my child?—”
“I didn’t have a choice, and it was what I had to do,” she said shortly. “We don’t need to keep talking about it. It’s not going to change anything between us.”
Right. Because why would it? Our marriage wasn’t salvageable. I needed to pull myself together and force myself to realize that, though a bitter hope inside of me had pleaded, just maybe, that this baby could be a way to bring us back together.
Ava smacked her hand against the bed. “Why are you still standing around? Do you need me to give you directions on how to leave?”
“I just… I don’t know what to call him.” I shrugged uselessly. “It doesn’t feel right picking a name unless you like it, too. He’s not just my baby.” Even though you don’t want him.
I could imagine her rolling her eyes right now. “He needs a name that starts with a C. It’s Elvish tradition. All your male ancestors from the beginning of your family’s reign have had one.”
