I think Marcus knew it, too, and he gazed toward the lights of the palace. “Want to get some ramen?”
A half an hour later we were back in the city, sitting at a table on a rooftop that overlooked Ilamanthe. Marcus had taken us to an all-night ramen bar, a place he used to hang out at when his bond with Kallie had broken and he needed some time to think. I stirred the noodles that were left in my bowl, watching the runny yolk of the egg stream through the chicken broth while Marcus gobbled down his third pork cutlet.
I felt significantly better once I ate something. I hadn’t consumed anything in over twenty-four hours, and it hadn’t been helping my mood. At least I thought a little clearer.
“This is one of my favorite spots in town,” Marcus said. “There’s an open location next door that would be perfect for a tattoo shop. I’m thinking about setting one up. You know, once the war is over.”
He talked like the Warden wasn’t going to exterminate us any day now. And you know what? I loved that about him.
“Theater kid, bard, tattoo artist? Is that your creativity talking, or the borderline?” I teased.
“Hey, it’s not my turn tonight. Obviously, since I just talked you off the ledge,” Marcus said, coughing as he drank his boba tea too fast.
“I’ve been making bipolar decisions all night, honestly.” I rubbed my eyes. I was so fucking tired. Sleep would probably help reduce the crazy, but fuck all if I wanted to. Nightmares, you know?
“Do you really think your soul no longer exists?” Marcus asked quietly. “I get your bond was broken, and you and Charlie share the same soul, but you each have a half, right? I share a soul with Dean, and though he’s gone my spirit is still sticking around. If your soul has been split apart since the beginning, maybe you still kept your half.”
“If I did, I would be able to talk to Oberi, and I can’t. I don’t think my spirit is there anymore. My half went back to Charlie, or it was killed when he took my magic. Something. I can’t feel my soul like I could before, so that must mean it’s gone.”
Marcus had forced quite a few drinks into me and I still felt dehydrated. I took a sip of mango tea and asked, “Where’s Kallie?”
“She’s giving you some space. She’s afraid you’re not going to forgive her for what she asked Charlie to do.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. She wanted to help me, but she changed her mind when I hurt you, and I get that. Sorry about that, by the way.”
“It’s cool. We all get into moods sometimes.”
I scoffed. Yeah. The moods that went around this friend group often ended up in people getting their souls ripped out of their bodies, or decapitated, or in sacred, eternal bonds getting broken apart. You know. Normal, average crazy people stuff.
“So, what prompted all of this? Besides the obvious.” Marcus fiddled with a chopstick. It flew out of his hands and sailed over the edge of the building, hitting someone on the streets below. They cried out, and he cringed.
“I tried to cheat on Charlie.” I made the admission easily, because it wasn’t hard to confess the worst of myself to Marcus.
Marcus’ eyes widened as he sucked down his tea, then he said, “Tried isn’t really a successful word.”
“No. It’s not.” I rested my chin in my hand. “I didn’t so much as kiss the guy before I stopped myself.”
“Why’d you do it?”
“If I sleep with someone else, Charlie will be disgusted with me and sign the papers, right? I figured it was an easy out… that was way harder than I thought it would be.”
Marcus frowned. “Even if you had gone through with it, I don’t think that would’ve made him leave.”
“You don’t know Charlie.”
“I know him better than you think. Do you really think you guys are gonna get divorced?”
“Probably. Our relationship isn't the same anymore. We can’t go back to the people we were. And if there’s nothing left to salvage, what’s the point in trying to save it?”
“By starting something brand new,” Marcus said. “You’re already at ground zero. Now you can start rebuilding brick by brick.”
“I don’t want him to help me rebuild what he knocked down. He did it once, so he’ll do it again.”
“You’ve just gotta do your best to see the good in him. You do that, he’ll see the good in you, too.”
“I don’t think it’s going to work out no matter how hard we try. After all, you know who I am.”
Marcus smiled. “The worst person in the world with the best heart?”
