Fuck. His life was too fucking hard.
He went to them, dropping down to one knee. Like normal, Mae launched herself at him, her arms wrapping around his neck. In a rare show of deep sorrow, so did Abigail. They needed love and loyalty and reassurance in a home filled with girl empowerment.
Why was that so fucking hard to find?
His hands brushed down their hair as gently and tenderly as possible.
“We’re going to figure this out, okay?” he said. Mae nodded, leaning back. Her big eyes swimming in tears. She didn’t look convinced. His arm circled tighter around Abi who wrapped herself against his side.
He went to his ass, drawing them with him. He gave all the time, love, and attention he could.
~~~
“Let me change,” Cash said quietly seconds after the front door lock clicked in place. He had no idea where Joe was in the apartment, but he was certain his actions last night had caused a shit storm of worry and confusion among his team.
The weight of his selfish actions landed like a ton of bricks on his shoulders.
So much for his legacy of being a “team first above anything else” agent.
“All night?” Joe asked from behind him. His tone showed his annoyance and aggravation. Also, his lack of sleep. The answer to Joe’s question seemed obvious so Cash didn’t reply as he headed to his room.
“Give me a minute to change clothes,” he said, hoping for the time to gather himself and come up with some sort of reasonable explanation for why he did what he did.
“Fuck that, Ryan. I was literally on the verge of pushing the nuke button about every five minutes last night. I didn’t know what happened to you in there.” Joe followed, steps off his heels. When he tried to shut his bedroom door, Joe’s hand shot out, holding it open.
“I was doing my job,” Cash said firmly, his brows lowering. He gave his most commanding tone and stare over his shoulder. A reminder of who ran this show. “I’m not here to explain my actions to you.”
“We’re a team. I’m stuck inside this apartment to have your back. Of course, you have to explain yourself to me. I explain myself to you. You’re my partner,” Joe said, his hands going to his hips.
Cash saw the anxious exhaustion on Joe’s face. Joe may not understand all the reasons he was sent to Dallas, but he wasn’t wrong and had shown loyalty. Instant guilt crashed over him and it sucked. His incredible night, teemed with passion and desire, that needed time to process had only been his. Joe suffered for Cash’s actions.
“I’ll do better,” he finally said and gave a nod. The words sounded lame. Cash scrubbed his hand over his face. “I was able to work my way into his life. I feel like he’s beginning to trust me. I needed to go with it last night, but I’ll do better about checking in as I can in the future.”
Cash glanced away from Joe toward the window with its drawn curtain. He honestly didn’t fully trust Joe, but he was headed in that direction. Maybe it was time to take the leap. Apparently, Joe had let last night ride without notifying anyone of his long absence. That had to mean Joe didn’t know who to trust either.
This whole operation was a shit show. Joe’s actions intimated that, at least for him, it was the two of them, doing what it took to find the answers. A strong show of partnership. Cash drew in a cleansing breath. He reached for his cell phone, pulled up a music app, and turned a random playlist on to drown out their conversation to any listening devices that may have been installed.
“Okay. My gut says Dev’s not connected to what’s going on in the club. No matter what his file says, or his rap sheet indicates, that man over there doesn’t fit the same MO as the rest of his club brothers.”
“That’s what I think too,” Joe agreed, his tone and expression instantly changing to contemplative. “But we might be the only two who think that way.” Thankfully, Joe easily pivoted the conversation to finding the discoveries needed to help solve this case.
“Okay, then I’ll be honest with you, and this goes no further.” Cash waited for Joe’s confirming nod. “I believe, especially after last night, that I can work my way into Dev’s life. Get him to trust me then try to bring him in as an informant. He may not be directly involved, but he’s smart and clever. He can find the answers. Shanna’s too far on the outside and those outlaw bikers don’t value women. At this point, it’ll take months for her to gain enough trust to learn anything new. She’ll probably never be in a position to actually see the inner workings. This entire case is bullshit. Corruption runs too deep. I’m beginning to understand that everything we know, it’s all been gathered to mislead. This operation is fucked.”
“Yeah…” Joe started then hesitated, crossing his arms over his chest, his brow furrowed in thought.
“You don’t think it’s possible?” Cash asked, feeling like he dodged a bullet by having his actions last night go unreported. He went for his closet, dumped the clothes on the floor, and opened a closet drawer. He carefully placed the drawing upside down, underneath his underwear. He’d find a more private place for it as soon as possible.
Cash grabbed a T-shirt and quickly put it on. He’d been so bold in exposing his chest and upper body last night, but in the light of day, the scars embarrassed him and always brought questions and sorrow. He never willingly let anyone see them.
An unexpected warmth coasted over him as he remembered Dev’s declaration to go after those who’d caused his injuries.
“I think it’s the only feasible answer,” Joe finally stated.
That instantly drew Cash back into the impromptu strategy session. “All right, answer this. Why have no agent operatives been able to get in the inner circle of this club after all this time?”
He pushed his feet through a pair of joggers, pulling them up as he left the closet, wanting to see Joe’s reaction for himself. He got a blank stare from Joe. Then his jaw clamped shut. He crossed his arms tighter over his chest. His leg bounced nervously.
It was a valid question that had no good answer. The hesitant trust they’d built clicked more solidly into place between him and Joe.
