“As a kid, how’d y’all wind up in badass South Dallas?” Dev asked, leaving out how fucked up it was of his parents to let him go to such a hard-core inner-city school. “You were too innocent to be in my neck of the woods.”
“Yeah, they learned that lesson the hard way,” Cash answered, bringing their joined hands up for a kiss. Cash gripped Dev’s hand a little tighter, keeping it close. The direct stare didn’t falter, but Cash seemed more reflective than present as he took a spin down memory lane. “When they started the ministry, they bought a travel trailer that became our home as well as their church. Their fundamental belief is that people are inherently good. They only need a helping hand to find their way. When I say it out loud, it feels more utopian. I never realized that before.” Cash grinned broadly and rolled his eyes. “Dysfunctional, for sure.”
“No, I lived a dysfunctional life. Where did you get your build? Your mom or dad’s side of the family,” Dev asked, drawn to Cash’s smile. He was shit to do more than lift a finger from the hand hold to trace along Cash’s lower lip until it was time to answer.
“My parents are both tallish. My father can’t stand upright inside the trailer. His family’s from Scotland, the Fort William area, the Highlands. He was brought to the States as a baby. His side of the family are all tall and have auburn hair. Big men with deep accents. I’ve been told that the accident stunted my growth or I’d be as tall as my father,” Cash explained.
“What’re you, six-two or three?”
“Yeah, six-three,” Cash answered. “My dad’s six-six or six-seven. He’s tall and the shortest in his family. He pulls out the kilt regularly. I have one too. My first name comes from his family lineage. They’re proud people.”
“Huh. I’m six foot one.” Dev stated proudly. His accompanying nod made Cash chuckle and shake his head.
“Right. You’re six feet exactly per your file,” Cash countered, easily tossing Dev’s lie back in his face.
“You know it pisses me off when you do that.” He tried to release Cash’s hand to pout, but Cash held firm.
“You’ll get over it.”
Dev narrowed his eyes at the authority Cash used in saying those words. Pretty sure he never got over anything. Not ever. Not once.
“It’s a good thing I like you,” he finally relented. “So what’s this ministry they have? If they travel around, they’ve got to have some success.”
Cash shook his head again. “I’ve been their biggest donor since I went to college. I was seventeen. I got grants and scholarships to pay my way. I took out loans to give them money because things really fell apart for them. They don’t know I took out loans. Now, a part of my check automatically goes to them every month. After I paid off my school debt, I don’t really need money. The government covers me. I don’t buy a lot.”
“You’re a good guy,” Dev murmured. A good-looking, integrity-filled man who makes everything better by just being alive.
“I don’t think that makes me a good man. Everybody wants to take care of their family. Look at you with the girls. It’s special to watch. They bring out a tender side in you that’s really attractive,” Cash said.
Even as much as he liked hearing the words, he rolled his eyes at the compliment. “You’re literally the only person who ever thinks good of me.”
“I don’t think so.” Cash brought Dev’s hand to his lips this time, giving him a tender kiss. “And if what you say is true, then it’s because I’ve gotten to know the real you.”
“Riiight.” Dev barked out a laugh at the ridiculousness of the statement. “I think you’re prone to seein’ the best in people.” Dev turned to his back, staring up at the ceiling. The hand hold continued, drawing Cash’s hand to the center of Dev’s chest. “You want kids of your own?”
Cash went silent for several long seconds. So quiet that Dev turned his head to look at his agent, expecting to see horror on his face. Most of the guys he knew didn’t see themselves as parents. The contemplative stare he received in return caused him to hold his words, waiting somewhat patiently, not pushing Cash one way or the other.
“I don’t know,” Cash started then paused again. “I wouldn’t want just one child, but I haven’t ever considered having any children. If I do, I want two or three or more I guess. I was lonely as an only child.”
Good answer. Real good answer.
“Roster. What’s your roster?” Dev asked again. “Stop sidetrackin’ me.”
“I don’t want to tell you.” Cash laughed nervously. “It’s a sad list. Are you really…” Cash started, but Dev cut him right off. He wanted to know where he stood in this sad list of men Cash had been with.
And if it was truly sad, he better be in the number one position.
Dev shifted again to face Cash to better judge the truth based on his mister’s facial features. “I’ve slept with everyone in the greater DFW area. It’ll be hard to find someone that I haven’t fucked. In my late teens and early twenties, Tena and I tag-teamed like it was a fuckin’ sport. When Abi turned about two, maybe five, I realized she needed me. Tena was better about bein’ a mom back then. Or maybe she wasn’t. I was payin’ for everything, and she was home more.”
Memory after memory bounced around in his head, faceless people they fucked together. It never occurred to him, but he was probably a prostitute too. He required his half of Tena’s earnings to help pay the bills. Wasn’t a good start to Abi’s life either. He partied all the time. All sorts of people lived with them. Whoever was home kept an eye on his oldest girl.
Yeah, he’d sucked as a father back then.
“No, lose those thoughts,” Cash said, scanning his face, reading him like an open book. “I’ve always known I was gay, but I believed in marriage, and I was naive even after the accident. I went to a religious college and got my degree in criminal justice with a minor in theological studies. I didn’t have sex for the first time until after I finished college. My first assignment with the DEA was in Southern California where I called home until they moved me to Dallas. I was honestly surprised when they relocated me. My undercover MO was solidly intact there.”
“So like you had beaches, and babes, and nice weather all the time?” Dev asked.
Cash nodded. “I met a guy there who I had sex with for the first time. He didn’t make fun of me too badly for losing my load in about ten seconds. We became a recurring thing. I’m not attracted to women. I’ve never been. I slept with a couple of other guys over the years. Four men total. After that first few times, sex never meant anything more than the release. It was a mind fuck for me. I thought sex was supposed to have meaning. I always felt like something was missing.”
