“Why aren’t you answering? I was kidding about our incompatibility.” He adjusted his position until he moved into my line of vision. “We’re tucked between the dunes. It’s a private beach. We can’t be spotted.”
I had to find a way to calm down the panic building inside me. He grabbed the lotion from my hand and squirted the cool liquid directly on my back. I arched away from the cold. His hand followed, swiping roughly up and down my back. My uncertainty spun between Dash’s hand being everything and nothing I deserved.
“You sure get awfully quiet. I’m sorry for whatever I said that freaked you out. It wasn’t my intention.” He tossed the lotion to the side and dropped back down on his towel. “You’ve mentioned Scott quite a bit. I have a good friend like that too. His name’s Chandler. We’ve been in school together since preschool, so maybe three years old. We got dicey when I told him I was gay. It didn’t last. A few years later he came out as bi.”
“Did y’all date?” I asked.
He chuckled and kept his eyes closed. “No. Absolutely not. All our friends believe we have, but we haven’t.”
Chandler. I marked his name in my mind then took a conversational turn. “Your life’s more accepting than mine. I can’t imagine tellin’ anyone. I can’t believe I told you,” I said, and turned, sitting crisscross on the beach towel, directly in front of him.
“It has to be lonely and painful to not be able to live your true life.” The gentle tone he used made me feel like I wasn’t hiding my insecurity. He shifted until he took on my stance, sitting in front of me. The frontal assault of how handsome he was paired with all that confidence helped settle the newest ache in my heart. I stared directly into his blue depths.
“I quit football because I got a hard-on in the locker room. I played varsity as a freshman, and the guys were all older than me. More developed. Like men. It turned me on, and I couldn’t control it.”
“Yeah, that sounds like it’d be a problem.” Something akin to compassion crossed Dash’s brow, turning him serious. His fingers reached out to caress my thigh. I couldn’t let it happen. I wasn’t ready for him to touch me in such a semi-public place. But the comfort he tried to give didn’t go unnoticed. It was nice that he understood.
“I played Lacrosse, and even with me knowing everyone in my school and my parents being wealthy, it wouldn’t have been good for me if anything like that happened.” His lips mashed together. Sorrow crinkled the corner of his eyes. “I guess your father’s a homophobe.”
“My father’s a sexist, racist, violent guy. He’s a local celebrity back home. It didn’t go well when I quit. If I told him why, it’d been far worse. He’d’ve put me in a conversion therapy program, for sure. The more difficult, the better. He likes to toughen me up. But me quittin’ ruins his plans for my life that he’s been workin’ on since I was young. I’m to play football in college. He and I are a package deal. We go together all the way to the NFL. He’s ambitious, eventually becomin’ a head coach. He’d pick Dallas if given a choice. He’s crazy arrogant.”
“It’s not about you. It’s about him.” That was the one thing no one ever recognized. People thought I was a phenom player, dedicated to God’s sport, wanting to go all the way.
“I think he feels like I’m the example of what he can make of a player, if given a chance…”
Dash laughed a harsh bitter sound, stopping me from saying anything more. “What a narcissist. If you have natural talent and quick reactions, that’s on you.”
“Yeah, no. He doesn’t see it that way, but that’s not even the problem. Imagine what would happen if he heard I had a hard-on in the locker room?”
Dash laid back, arm under his head as he stared at the sky. “Yeah. That stinks. I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
“My parents divorced over me quittin’,” I explained, dumping it all out as if Dash asked for my sordid details. “It’s why we moved so far away. I haven’t talked to my dad in months. My mom’s been through a lot.”
“How’s she gonna feel when she finds out the truth about you?”
“I don’t know. She’s intuitive and was a teacher for a long time. She’s not like my dad, but I think she’d worry for me.” The guilt had my shoulders tensing, and a deep exhale escaped. We stayed quiet and stared at one another.
“You wanna know my current pain?” he asked and only waited as long as it took me to nod. “There’s a website dedicated to me. My dad’s PR team found it. He said reservations at the resort are way up. Some weeks this summer have filled to capacity. He stressed the importance of me being on point all the time. It’s weird, and I don’t like it.”
“Like what’s on the website?”
“I’m not sure the purpose but it shows candid pictures of me around the resort and there’s an email address to send pictures to.”
I laughed at his obvious discomfort, but I also got it. The guy was so freaking handsome. I’ll be searching for the websitemyself. Pretty cool resource for the long, lonely nights. “You’re a really nice lookin’ guy. You could be a model or something.”
Dash’s good nature was back. “I think, under normal circumstances, my parents would generalize me as a failure because I don’t have greedy capitalism as my life’s goal, but now, they’re happy with me, like next level happy. It’s weird. Even more weird is that I actively don’t want their disappointment.” He flipped out a finger to point, pausing my next question. “I was an accident, a late in life baby. I have a brother that could be my dad.”
“I wondered about that. I got the impression your father’s an older man.”
“Yeah, he’s a good guy. Travels a lot, but he loves me. Did I tell you I’m already accepted to SMU’s Dedman School of Law? It’s not a choice. My dad took care of my enrollment when I first showed interest.” He rolled his eyes. “Academic achievement isn’t the lynchpin for my acceptance. I’d get in anywhere for my family name.”
“The mustangs,” I said and grinned. Of course I knew about the university and the scandal that destroyed their football team. The only death penalty given to a college in the history of the sport.
“Switching topics. Rate the date so far.” His fingertips caressed quickly over my knee. So fast, he removed them before I had a chance to process what was happening. My body was engaged from the first touch, sending a quake over me. “No one saw me. Remember, I’m hiding too. And I’d give it a ten out of ten.”
My cell phone rang. It was still so new that the sound of the ringtone had me looking around until I spotted my phone. My mom’s number came across the small screen.
“It’s my mom.” I lifted a finger to my lips as I answered.
