One second, I felt paralyzed. The next, fire whooshed over the length of my body. Heat crept up my neck into my face. A trickle of sweat ran from my right pit. I somehow forgot how to breathe.
“I decided you got away from here and were finally able to be yourself. Your shitty old man didn’t like it and used his influence to bring you back.”
Damn. His guess was pretty spot-on.
I placed the Clorox spray bottle on the shelf, before I dropped it and made a bigger mess.
Shame had me lowering my head and closing my eyes. The worddenyflashed in bright neon colors behind my lids. “What’re your other theories?” I managed to ask in a harsh, rough sound, dropping to one knee in front of the open door, unable to stand on two feet.
“He’s gone, bro. I don’t think he ever bounced back from your mom leavin’. Nobody goes at the bottle the way he did without harboring a lot of unresolved issues,” Scott explained, revealing how closely he’d paid attention. “He was always a drinker but never like what he became. It all happened too fast. I think hetook you from your mom to hurt her. You were the collateral damage.”
“Then his goals were met,” I mumbled. The strong scent of bleach acted like smelling salts, keeping me in the here and now and bringing me back to my feet. The tendrils of humiliation crawled across my skin, prompting a full body shiver.
“You didn’t deny it.”
Blinding rage replaced my embarrassment. I grabbed the wet sponge, hurling it into the refrigerator with such force it rebounded off the back wall, landing back into the bucket at my feet. Water sloshed everywhere as I pushed the bucket away with the side of my foot. Fortunately, it remained upright as I slammed the refrigerator door shut. “Jeez, man. It’s been a hard couple of weeks. Get off me. I’m lookin’ forward, not backward.”
Adding to my irritation, Scott remained unfazed. Treating my outburst as insignificant. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to tackle an opponent more than right that minute. “Look, you know I’m good with whoever you are on the inside. It doesn’t matter to me. What’s important is you need to be you, and you need to be happy. I’ll be there for you while you figure it out.”
Like surfacing headfirst from a torrent of ocean water, the anger ran from me, seeping from every pore. Dash and my mom were the only ones who had truly accepted me. I stared at Scott, feeling overwhelmed by the emotional storm hitting all at once. My chest heaved as I realized I no longer wanted to hide from Scott. The silence between us was deafening.
Scott neither pushed nor retreated. He remained neutral, with no hint of judgment, disgust, or condemnation. The exhaustion of my life had me settling into the seat across from him. Words tumbled from my mouth without thought, something I hadn’t done since I left Dash in Sea Springs.
“When my mom and I left, I met a guy in Texas who helped me with my fears. We ran under the radar pretendin’ to be friends.He was good to me emotionally, allowed me to be me in every way. We clicked like you and I do, but I was really into him. My dad found out. It was enough to file for an emergency order of custody and you know the rest.” My gaze swept to my glove covered hands. “Does anyone else suspect?”
“I’ve never heard if they did,” he said. “Most people think you’re stuck up.”
I’d heard the refrain many times before, nothing new there. “Don’t tell?” Insecurity laced every syllable.
“’Course not,” Scott said. I nodded to convey my appreciation as my anxiety twisted my stomach. “So, this is a guy-on-guy thing? You’re not into women?”
“No,” I admitted. “I’ve never been. Since I met the guy in Texas, I haven’t been attracted to anyone else.” I carefully removed the gloves, finger by finger. “I feel deep shame for bein’ this way.”
“Why?” Scott asked. He’d used that same tone on me many times, the one laced with how off the mark he thought I was. “There’s no shame in bein’ gay. I have two uncles who are. You know that. You’re an awesome dude. Where in Texas is this guy? You need to go see him.”
The image of Dash resurfaced vividly. In this memory, he’d just caught his first fish, going wild with excitement. He was breathtaking. A sense of peace enveloped me from the inside out. I no longer had to hide him from everyone, Scott knew.
“No. I can’t. I have no way to get there. I’ve got the cash in my wallet which isn’t much. Maybe after the houses sell and the will’s processed. I’m givin’ my mom my half…”
“Take my truck,” Scott interjected, scooting the seat backward to stand. He dug a hand inside the front pocket of his jeans. “I’ll stay here with your mom and keep workin’. Be back by Monday, and we’ll head back to Mobile together.”
My heart clinched at the prospect. The inner spark I’d buried a long time ago reignited, urging me to go. I recognized the value in Scott’s idea. It fit with my current efforts of putting the past behind me. I could move forward with my life freely without wonder or regret.
A simple text message would suffice in accomplishing the same goal.
Scott tossed his truck keys on the table between us. Six fifty-dollar bills followed. “Repay me by bein’ my best man. I’m gettin' hitched on Wednesday evenin’ at my parents’ place. What do you say?”
The surprises kept coming. Married with children. The depth of Scott’s love showed strongly in his expression. He squared his broad shoulders. He was manning up to his responsibilities.
“Of course, I’ll be your best man, and I shouldn’t be goin’ to Dallas right now. Let me paint the inside of the house, or hell, we can go to Mobile right now,” I offered.
Something horrific crossed his face. “No, I told you. All the women are in shower and wedding mode. My mom invited every one of my relatives. They’re stayin’ in town until after the shindig is over. You and I don’t go back until Monday mornin’ at the earliest. Tuesday’s okay too.” His finger circled around the house. “You go to Dallas. I’ll handle everything around here until you get back.”
Scott’s family was a loud and overbearing bunch. We used to sneak off anytime they came to town. A low-level hum of worry built steam inside me. Had Dash really waited for me? For sure, he wouldn’t want me once he learned what a loser I’d become. No job, no education, and no real future. The roiling pit of uncertainty in my stomach was back.
Dash didn’t have to actually see me. I could ensure he had a good life, and that would be enough.
“You’re overthinkin’. You could be in Dallas by eleven tonight if you get goin’. It’s a straightforward drive down I-20.” As far as Scott was concerned, the topic was closed. He went for the paper towels and began cleaning the spill I’d made.
