I lavished his mouth, taking everything he offered, which wasn’t much. Where I was fully committed, he hesitated. An inner conflict urged me to slow down, but how could I? Full throttle was my default setting where he was concerned. As if he read my thoughts, he gently eased off the kiss, causing my arms to cling tighter around his neck.
“Stand on your feet,” he whispered huskily. His warm, sweet breath coated my lips. The deep tenor of his voice vibrated through me. The masculine tone had changed too.
“No.” And I didn’t. Instead, I buried my face into the crook of his neck. The scent of an enticing cologne mixed with a fragrance that was unmistakably him. “Not ever again.”
Sadly, he didn’t caveman out. Sweeping me from the bar to have his way with me, or me with him. Instead, he leaned forward, letting go of my legs. My feet dropped as his strong hands gripped my biceps, pulling my arms from his neck.
It was now evident that strength also had to be added to the list of his physical changes.
We faced each other. I had to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. “I’m uncomfortable here. Can we do this outside?” he asked softly. Warm honey couldn’t be sweeter than the tone of his voice.
“Yes, of course,” I said, my stare locked on his. “I need to close out.”
“I thought you might,” the waitress said, materializing beside me. She extended a small black tray in the gap between our bodies. I hastily added a tip and signed my name on the sales receipt.
“Let’s go.” Beau nodded over his shoulder and stepped aside to let me pass first. I swear, his greedy eyes tracked me the entireway. I’d forgotten to collect my credit card which the waitress tucked into my palm as I started for the exit. In the same absent-minded manner, I barely remembered to grab my overcoat hanging off a hook beside the door.
The brisk night air cooled my heated skin, helping to untangle my jumbled thoughts. “Of all the ways I pictured our reunion, I never imagined it like this. I thought you’d send a text. My car’s this way,” I mentioned, looking back at Beau. He wasn’t there. With a perfectly executed pivot, I turned around to find him leaning against the hood of a truck close to the entry.
“Mine’s here,” he called out with humor, watching me. I never wanted his stare anywhere but on me for the rest of our lives.
On closer inspection, I recognized it as the same truck parked in the school’s lot.
I had sensed him without understanding what I was seeking.
“You were in the parking lot of my school this afternoon,” I said, beginning to head his direction. My need to be alone with him fueled every step I took.
“Let’s talk in the truck,” he said. I heard the locks release as he climbed into the cab behind the steering wheel. I took a steadying breath as I realized much of our relationship had been defined inside one vehicle or another. As he closed his door, I opened mine, carelessly tossing my cashmere coat in as I hoisted myself inside.
“You cold? I can turn on the heat,” he offered.
My ass shuffled across the leather seat until I was so close to him that I had to tilt my head to better see him. The distance still seemed too far, and I reached for his hand, clasping it tightly with mine. Peace and calm blanketed my spirit.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” I asked in lieu of answering his question. His handsome expression became unreadable, stoic, and stern. He didn’t answer. Beau was still the most beautiful guy in the world, but the rigid set of his jaw andthe possible permanent crease in his brow, made him appear harsh and distant. Life had changed him.
A chill unrelated to the weather emanated from Beau as he chose his words. Another change from the youthful guy I used to know. “I don’t know what it is about you that compels me to make one bad decision after another,” he said, shaking his head briskly, his long hair swaying with the gesture. “Earlier today, I set out to find you. The phone book didn’t help so I took a chance and went to your school. I saw you when you came out of the buildin’. I watched you come down the steps. That should’ve been enough…” His angry stare remained fixed out the windshield.
“What?” I asked. “You planned to leave Dallas without meeting with me?” The way my mind raced, trying to understand what was happening, had me tightening my grip on his. “I’ve been waiting for you. I have a house nearby that I renovated to suit us both. I’ve saved quite a bit of money. You’ll need therapy, and I found a therapist who specializes in deconstructing conversion therapy. The idea was for you to come here and stay here for good.”
The cab filled with our silence. My heavy breaths fogged the glass. Time stretched, each second lingered until Beau tilted his head toward me. His face bore such anguish, the intensity struck deep inside me. If I could hold his hand tighter, I would. “Trust me, you don’t want me. I’m broken,” Beau murmured, tapping a fingertip against his temple. “I’ve lost my identity. I’m not the kid you knew in Sea Springs. I’m damaged.”
“I’m not the guy you met in Sea Springs either,” I countered. “I’ve grown and evolved. That doesn’t mean we don’t belong together.”
“You don’t get it. I haven’t grown. My father broke me. I’m a coward. Life’s too fuckin’ complicated for me to navigate.”
His head dropped, his hand shielding his eyes. I shouldn’t have barked out a laugh, but it slipped out accidentally. “Cowardice is not a word I’d use to describe you. You’re a strong man. I suspect tough as nails based on the calluses on your palm.”
Beau shook his head, giving me a side-eye that clearly stated I was way off base. “Not like that. I became my dad’s bitch. He broke me down until I was nothin’ more than his yes guy. I’m ashamed of how easy it was for him. Then he died and I celebrated his death.”
His pointed glare locked on mine with no sign of sorrow or regret. It also wasn’t an empty stare of a man devoid of emotion. An ocean of turmoil churned in that amber stare.
“Good. I hope it was an awful death.”
For the first time tonight, Beau’s fingers tightened around mine. A hint of a faint smile quirked at the corners of his mouth. “I’m not sure it could get worse.”
“I think we should go to my place and talk. It’ll be more comfortable while we hash all this out,” I suggested quietly.
“I’m already deeper in than I wanted to be,” Beau answered, but he continued to stare at me, seemingly soaking me in. He lifted our joined hands as the tip of his thumb brushed down my cheek. I leaned into the caress, memorizing the touch, surprised when he used the finger to lift my chin. He was there close to me, descending until his lips pressed against mine.
