“You’re making your decision, Dasham.”
My jog turned into a run toward my car, in full agreement with whatever decision he made because he was no longer in my life until he made this right for Beau.
“I’ll never willingly leave him, but you certainly may have destroyed my chances.” Before dropping into the driver’s side seat, I turned toward the porch, looking him straight in the eyes where he stood close to the front door. “He was nervous about coming here today. He didn’t believe he’d fit in. You disgustingly proved him right. I’m utterly disappointed in you.”
My father lost his shit, face reddening, drawing in a breath to continue his ranting and raving. I had no time to waste on his pointless words. As I plopped down into the driver’s seat, the unexpected turn of events brought tears to my eyes. A young Beau had been right about everything. He’d never wavered in his belief even when I’d argued on behalf of my family. I’d foolishly believed my father was always on my side and, therefore, on Beau’s. Those rose-colored glasses had been firmly in place. What a silly boy I’d been.
I peeled out around the circle, letting the car’s rev show my irritation. Racing down the driveway, I prayed I’d find Beau. Dread of what was to come coiled in my gut. My love. How did this end?
The scorching sun didn’t faze me. I spent most of my days outside in the elements. What caused me problems right then were the stupid Italian loafers on my feet. Dash assured me they were worth the buy, being made by hand from a region that produced the softest leather. But they weren’t faring well during my run.
I’d begun running because I didn’t know what else to do. Facing Dash’s parents brought all my fears to life and then a whole lot more. My mind went into overdrive, my anxiety reached alarming heights. As I left the house, waiting outside for…well, I didn’t know what, the open road of the long driveway called to me. Then a sudden urge to channel my inner Forrest Gump took over. From the second I left the porch, I sprinted in an effort to outpace my demons.
My speed and stamina hadn’t suffered much over the many months since I left playing football. I’d stripped off my dress shirt about a mile back. My undershirt now hung untucked as I pushed through the pain in my feet. At least I’d never have to wear these shoes again.
Sweat trickled down my face. I lost track of the time and direction, fixing my gaze on the road below me. Over the years, I’d wondered how my father had found the photos of Dash and me at the Fourth of July fireworks celebration in Sea Springs.
It had never occurred to me that the information had come from Dash’s father. How had I not considered that? In hindsight, it was so obvious. That man, Dash’s father, had willingly destroyed my grandparents, both financially and physically, without a second thought. My paw died as a result of his actions, and my nana followed him a few years later. My mother had gone through living hell. I had too. All for daring to fall in love with Dash.
The money my crappy old man had in savings made more sense now.
Perhaps the guilt of my father’s actions led him to the increased amounts of alcohol he’d consumed. My head shook. It didn’t matter whether it bothered him or not, he chose the money over my well-being. He still chose to make my life hell.
With each passing of my loafers on pavement, I questioned what was so wrong with me that led Mr. Richmond to completely destroy me? Did he find satisfaction in the life he’d set up for me? Or did he give me no thought at all?
Ultimately, I had held myself accountable for everything that happened. When we moved to Sea Springs, I’d taken too many risks despite knowing the reality I lived under.
I grew to hate myself. I’d contemplated suicide many times, only not to act due to the pain it’d cause my mom.
Step after step, I ran tirelessly through the roads. Time and location faded while I pushed my body in a way I hadn’t done for six long months.
What did I do next? The sudden and complete anguish at the idea of losing Dash was unbearable. My breathing turned erratic, disrupting the rhythm of my pace. My feet began to slow until Icame to a stop. My hands went to my knees and I bent over, my head hanging low. As I closed my eyes, I found it took effort to avoid passing out due to hyperventilation.
IlovedDash. I loved our lives together, and I knew he loved me in return. I believed in his belief that we were always meant to be together. But the idea of him losing everything… Dash had no understanding of what that truly meant. What a life of poverty looked like. I did though.
Reality slingshotted back in place. Of course, he had to stick with his family. Dash had never had to survive on repeated Kraft Mac & Cheese dinners because there was no money for anything else.
Acar door shut behind me. I hadn’t heard the approach. From between my legs, I saw an upside-down Dash walking up behind me. Maybe I had sweated too much, causing dehydration to create hallucinations, or perhaps I’d run too far, my muscles were revolting, including my brain, but as I rose, my equilibrium shifted. I had to take a woozy balancing step backward. I lifted my undershirt’s short sleeve to swipe at the sweat on my brow and in my eyes.
Dash approached with his hands in his expensive slack’s pockets as he took his spot between me and the bustling road. We’d apparently caused a stir on the street. The vehicles slowing for a peek of us as they passed by.
The serious direct stare he and I shared had an ominous undertone.
“I’m sorry,” Dash began. The pain in his eyes and voice destroyed any remnants left of my heart. I understood the meaning of the apology and nodded, turning my face away. The tears refused to be held at a distance any longer. I needed to brave up, be a man. Dash didn’t need any more burdens weighing him down.
“It’s all right. You need to do what’s best for…” I couldn’t finish the words. I tore my T-shirt over my head, swiping the already wet material down my face.
My tears fell freely. One hand fisted the shirt as I dropped them to my knees again, my head followed.
“Beau.” I watched as his shoes came into my view, and his slacks lifted off his ankles. Seconds later, he squatted, placing a reassuring hand on my back. The tone he used, warm and gentle, did calm me. “My apology’s for my naivety. I unintentionally caused you pain and hurt your entire family. If you’ll give mean other chance, I promise to spend my life making amends.”
Listening was damned difficult with the way self-pity had a hold on me. Yet his words eventually bounced around my head long enough that I made sense of them. I squatted, balancing on the balls of my feet as I met his gaze. There was no denying the tears in my swollen eyes. I was surprised to find his in the same condition.
“You can’t stay with me. I’m sure he’ll cut you off. I have to go. You don’t know the reality of life without money.” Though I nearly choked on the bitter words, they had to be said.
Dash responded by extending his hand between us. It took a moment for me to understand he wanted me to hold it. Then another few seconds longer to get that he was rising, intertwining our fingers together.
“Let’s discuss this on the way home. I have cold bottles of water in the car for you. You weren’t easy to locate. There was a guy selling them on the side of the road who had seen you run like a bullet in this direction.” Though the guy holding my hand and speaking to me resembled Dash and shared his thoughtfulness, his tone conveyed a blend of sorrow, uncertainty, and frustration that Dash had never used with me before.
