I was tired of all the game playing in my life. While I had played a part in fostering and manipulating Chandler, it was time for a change. Once I let my guard down, I realized how badly I missed Beau. I was determined to rebuild ourrelationship. Beau only needed a reminder of how much I cared. We also needed to have regular sex again. I’d been remiss in both departments.
I had a lot to sort through. How had I allowed myself to get so out of control last night? My guy deserved much better than me. We’d find our way, though. We always did.
21: The Chandler
Dash/Beau
Dash
The soothing warmth of the shower worked wonders for my hangover. I positioned myself strategically to allow the water to beat along my upper back and neck, even with the hydration specialist’s imminent arrival. Nevertheless, I stayed under the spray until the hot water turned cooler, my muscles loosening up. I’d brought one of Beau’s Powerades into the shower with me, taking a decent swig every so often.
My stomach roiled, but the contents stayed down. I called that a win.
Why I had chosen last night to completely overdo was beyond me. I’d been steadily drinking more and more since Beau was gone. I hated the idea of going to bed alone. But apparently last night had been my breaking point. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t arriving home for another day. Beau had stayed away longer to teach me a lesson, and boy, had it.
What I desperately wanted to convey to Beau was how often I lay awake at night, watching him sleep. His presence constantly reminded me of my worth and that reinforced my belief that I could achieve the goals I’d set for myself. I was dumbfounded by the reality that my guy didn’t seem to realize that he was the glue in every situation of my life. Beau kept my world together.
The problems we had were all on me.
I should’ve put my pride aside and called him, not have waited for him to call me to make amends.
The doorbell rang, sending my phone chirping like crazy. I quickly left the shower and reached for a dry towel I had placed by my phone. With a quick swipe of my thumb, I responded to the ring. “Hello. Give me a minute. I’ll buzz you in. You can set up in the room to the left of the door.”
“Yes, sir,” he replied, which always made me feel wiser than my actual age. I pushed the option to open the door and continued rubbing the towel over my body. I took my hairbrush, quickly raking my damp hair off my face. I usually preferred to dry it properly, but I had a lot to do before Beau arrived home. My appearance was the last thing on my mind.
I grabbed my robe hanging by the bathroom door and put it on as I went through the bedroom. I loved this gorgeous home. I loved that my almost mother-in-law married a generous, loving man who’d offer this place to Beau and me for such an extraordinarily low price.
As I trotted down the staircase, the technician was already set up. He was gloved up with an IV bag ready to go. “Mr. Richmond?” the guy asked.
“Call me Dash. Mr. Richmond is my father. Should I sit here?” I asked about the comfortable side chair he had pulled into the center of the room.
“Yes, sir,” he replied. The entire process lasted no longer than twenty minutes. I had undergone similar procedures before. I found the whole experience relaxing. Something about my body receiving the nutrients and hydration it craved made everything right as rain. A yawn slipped free, and my eyelids drooped. Perhaps I should reconsider my options. Maybe I should rest until Beau arrived home then wake and plead for forgiveness.
With a series of long yawns, I let the attendant out and started for our bedroom when I spotted Beau’s commitment ring on theentry table. Even in my exhausted state, warning bells rattled in my head. Then I saw the note, written in Beau’s unique penmanship. Time slowed as I held both, reading Beau’s words.
My heart sank as I read the note. What had Chandler done? The ink looked bolder on Chandler’s name, as if he’d pressed harder, penning it with malice and jealousy. No.No.What had Beau seen?
Beau had already come home?
How? With both the ring and note gripped tightly in my hand, I took off in search of my cell phone. Was there any chance I’d missed him this morning? Panic and anxiety gripped me. Every muscle in my body tensed. All my arrogance of the last two weeks, my convictions of not being the first to reach out, mocked me as I slipped easily back into my old self—a person I hadn’t been in so long.
Before I tanked, I found my phone on our bed and quickly dialed Beau’s number. It started ringing before I ever had the receiver to my ear. My gaze flitted around the bedroom, landing on the open closet door. With a singular focus, I moved toward the closet as Beau’s voicemail activated.
“Babe, what’s happened? I got your note and have your ring. It needs to be back on your finger. Please call me.” I didn’t hang up as my foot knocked against the door, very afraid of what I might find as the overhead light automatically lit the small space. Beau’s clothes were scattered everywhere. An open suitcase lay cockeyed on the floor. He’d never intentionally leave such a mess. I pressed the call button again, but it went to voicemail. Beau was ignoring my calls.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Dread coiled in my gut. Every choice I’d made since our happier days felt like a misstep. All leading us to this heartbreaking moment. My heart ached. My thoughts turned desperate. If only I could find where he’d gone, I’d rush there and bring him back home.Penny. I’ll called her. Sheregularly worked miracles. If anyone could find him, it was her. I took a deep centering breath and dialed her before my panic turned into hysteria.
Beau
Indecision had finally taken hold of me. My heart fucking hurt. The pain made me frantic. The grounded man I always aimed to be was becoming erratic. Exhausted, I’d pulled into a motel in Oklahoma City. That was three hours ago, and I hadn’t slept a wink since I’d arrived. Instead, I passed time by staring at the ceiling, wishing for anything to take this pain away. Raw emotions simmered just beneath the surface, with an enormous pain and just that same amount of fear.
Why had I chosen to leave? At the time, I’d thought making the first move meant I was in control, but I wasn’t at all. A clear voice inside me insisted that Dash hadn’t betrayed me. That I hadn’t witnessed what I thought I had. Yet, I countered that thought with the idea that the eyes never deceived.
Chandler was aware of his actions and had easily led Dash away from me. Their embrace wreaked havoc on my soul. Chandler spent all day and probably most nights with Dash. They fit together in a way we did not. From my position on the bed, my legs hung over the mattress. I kicked my feet to help lift myself to sit on the side of the bed. I might have accepted Dash randomly fooling around with anyone but Chandler. Dash had to know that I’d never go for Chandler being the other guy.
I hadn’t been the one to break us up, Dash had orchestrated our split. He was fully aware of my return date. It appeared on our shared calendar.
I rolled back on the mattress again, bringing my palm to my chest and gently rubbing the dull ache that lingered there. My hand felt naked without my ring. The rattle of my cell phoneconnected to the charger by my nightstand caught my attention. It could only be one of two people, either Scott or Dash, my mom was occupied with Carter. With more strength than I realized I possessed, I let the call go to voicemail.
