“I don’t think you heard me,” she called.
“I heard you.” As the elevator door slid open, I stepped inside in full find-Beau-beast-mode. He’d gotten my attention. Decision made, I couldn’t live a proper life without him. Maybe I hadn’t done right by him, but I always knew he was my anchor. Fuck this job.
22: The Ocean
Dash/Beau
Dash
The firm had placed Chandler in one of the small condos designed for traveling lawyers who came to Chicago for various reasons. I parked in front of the ground floor unit and noticed the partially open door. That couldn’t be good. I approached the front door then nudged it farther open with my toe.
“Chandler,” I called out, but received no reply. “You here, buddy?”
Again, only silence greeted me. I stepped fully inside, and my eyes widened. What a mess. What had Chandler gone through that led him to live in such filth?
“Chandler, are you here?”
What did it say about me that I’d rather have a vagrant living here than believe Chandler, a guy I’d known forever, had turned out to be such a trashy person—literally? I had to gather my courage and steel my spine to continue inside the house. All the lights were off. I flipped the switch on in the bathroom. It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in months. The bedroom was in the same condition. All of Chandler’s clothes were gone, empty hangers lining the closet.
The hand I hadn’t used to touch anything, covered my eyes as the sheer magnitude of what Chandler had done settled heavily on my shoulders. Worry fueled my thoughts. Chandler was acting with my father’s blessing, ensuring I lost everything. Whyhadn’t I shielded Beau better? I patted my front pockets then the back pockets, searching for my cell phone, only to realize I’d left it in the car. I left the apartment, locking the door behind me. Once I was tucked inside my car, I worked the display screen to call Beau’s number. It rang four times before going to voicemail. Why wasn’t he answering?
“Beau, whatever Chandler did was with malicious intent. I have no idea what caused you to leave, but Chandler’s actions were premeditated. It all came to a head last night. Please call me. I love you. Carter told me you changed your plans to come home on Sunday. We can leave Chicago together. I see what I’ve become, and you deserve better from me. Please call me.”
I pressed the end button and stared through the front windshield, feeling more isolated than ever before. My palms grew sweaty, prompting me to clench my fists. A large part of me wanted to drive to Oklahoma City right then. That same part of me wondered if Beau was feeling as lost as I was right now.
Penny’s name came across my screen before the ring chimed.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“Beau just filled his tank at a gas station in South Oklahoma City.”
“Thanks, Penny. You’ve been great today. I’ll monitor his charges tonight,” I said, not thoroughly convinced I shouldn’t go after him.
“I don’t mind. If I see something first, I’ll call you,” she said.
“You’re going above and beyond your role,” I said truthfully.
“Keep that in mind for my upcoming employee evaluation. Ciao,” she said before the call ended. With a deep breath in, I realized I was going home alone, left to wallow in my own sorrow. That thought frightened me. I was all too aware of how deeply I could sink because of Beau. He had to let me back in. I couldn’t endure a life without him.
After several hours of repeatedly calling Beau’s phone, I finally decided to check with the motel. I should’ve done it from the second I heard about the motel charge. Why hadn’t I? I couldn’t say, but I was still dealing with a mammoth hangover and seriously troubled by Chandler’s actions. Fucking Chandler. Even though I’d sensed my relationship with Beau was diminishing, I’d allowed Chandler to sneak in and hurt Beau again. What an arrogant fool I’d become. A joke of a human being.
I grabbed a bottle of rum from the bar on my way to our chairs that offered the perfect view over Lake Michigan. I took a healthy swig directly from the bottle. This liquor went down much smoother than scotch ever could.
With a sigh, I slumped back into the chair. It was time to digest that my tenure with the firm was coming to an end. Tomorrow, I’d begin cleaning up my cases, preparing for a transition. The few clients that had relied solely on me, a contingency in their contracts that only I handled their accounts, hopefully went with me wherever I landed. Luckily, untangling myself as a junior partner would be infinitely easier than if I’d been made senior partner already. I didn’t yet have an equity position in the firm.
I dialed Beau one last time, desperately hoping he’d answer. If he did, that had to mean he wanted me back. My stomach knotted as the fourth ring started and seemed to drop to my toes when the voicemail answered again. My head swam, and I took another swallow of the rum then dialed the motel.
“Motel 6,” a man whose voice might have seen better days barked.
“I’m looking for Beau Brooks, a guest of yours,” I said, my chin hitting my chest, my fingers crossed.
“He checked out about four hours ago.” The call ended abruptly. So much for customer service.Dammit. My poorchoices were glaringly evident, deepening my understanding of why my wonderful mister had walked away. Why had I ever agreed to keep Beau at a distance? Especially when he sat at my office for hours watching me do all the mundane and grunt work tasks a first, and second year attorney was assigned. I loved those memories. Dinner by lamplight in the file room we affectionately referred to as the dungeon.
I wasn’t always the man I became. The idea that I thrived by carrying my father’s attitude toward life made me physically ill. Manipulation wasn’t my way, but I’d done that so many times I’d lost count. Even with Chandler, I’d manipulated that situation to see what he was up to. I didn’t feel bad about that. But Beau? That one I didn’t feel good with at all. I closed my eyes, listening to the silence of the house. Despite what anyone thought, I’d never lost my desire for my husband. Or for the dream that we’d have children someday. I yearned for a handful of little ones to love and explore the beauty of the world with.
Why had I allowed Beau to live such a lonely life? The first time he’d left me, that had been my father’s fault, even though neither of us knew it at the time. This time, it was my father’s destructive DNA manifesting inside me. And I’d let it happen. Beau would be far better off without a Richmond in his life. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the kind of person who’d grant him clemency from his life sentence with me. I didn’t want to give him an opportunity to see if he could be happier without me. I would be the one to make him smile again.
I went to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen. Beau was good about leaving my sleeping pills out for me. I’d taken that simple gesture for granted. I’d taken everything about us for granted, but Beau had sure gotten my attention. Please let him be heading to Dallas. Please. It meant I still had a chance.
