My answers were taking shape whether I wanted to accept them or not. Beau had yet again clarified my priorities. He was number one on the list—my list, any fucking list. I kept that news to myself and nodded. I’d take the week with the hope of resigning by the time I returned.
“You stopped paying attention again.” Lon shoved me in the direction of my car. “Go home. Keep your phone on for any questions.”
With a glance at said phone, I saw a new notification run across my screen. Without a concrete plan in mind, I decided to pack lightly then head to the Houston airport. Beau had booked a room at an inn located on the far side of Sea Springs. If he wouldn’t talk to me by phone, then he was going to deal with me in person.
23: The Bath
Beau/Dash
Beau
Two days later
Sea Springs Texas
I scratched my itchy facial growth, realizing that my reluctance to shave might not have been my best decision. When the itch crept up to my scalp, I had to remember the last time I’d taken a shower. It must have been the night before I returned home... Wait. Chicago was never truly my home, and I refused to accept it as such. The last place I lived that felt like I belonged was my grandparents’ house. They always told me that their place would be mine someday.
My eyes narrowed. Man, I was going emotionally lower than low. I also needed to bathe. As I lifted my arm to check the smell of my pit, I was relieved to find it wasn’t that bad. So much like I’d done since arriving, I aimed the remote at the television and flipped through the channels to find something to watch.
I’d spent the better part of my hotel stay in this bed, either snuggled under the covers or lying on top like I was doing right now. My Dash-induced depression weighed heavy on me. When I first arrived, I decided to give myself a solid week before I pulled my life back together. I needed a job—FedEx canned me for leaving without notice—and a new place to live. I also had to find somewhere to keep my boat.
A knock interrupted my pity party, causing me to glare at the door. Since I’d declined housekeeping, and had the snoozing door hanger on the door, no one should be bothering me. So I’d ignore them until another knock, much louder and longer this time, had me sitting up. Anger licked up my spine.
I flung the remote on the mattress as I headed for the door. Another knock sounded at the same time as I peered through the peephole. I only saw darkness, which was weird. Fuck that, I jerked open the door, swinging it wide. There stood Dash, looking as dashing as ever, wealthy and runway ready. My senses were assaulted, but somehow my brain stayed clear. I clasped the side of the door and sent it slamming shut.
Naturally, Dash denied me the satisfaction that came from hearing a slam. His foot stopped the door from closing, allowing him to enter my room uninvited. “How the fuck did you find me so fast?”
Dash didn’t immediately answer. He looked me up and down then up again. I zoned into the red rim around his pretty blue eyes, I’d missed that on the first glance. Otherwise, he was on point, his slacks and fitted button-up shirt framed him perfectly. When his gaze shifted around my room, I followed to see what he was seeing. Only then did I see the pigsty I’d created. It didn’t matter. Pinning aside the depression and hurt from moments ago, I focused on his superior attitude, my back went ramrod straight.
“Why are you here? I was pretty damn clear with my note.”
Dash refocused on me. “I apologize for losing my way. Come home and let’s work out a home balance that suits us both.” His tone was an octave higher than angry which meant it was still not that of a man begging for forgiveness.
“No. Now leave,” I said, my frustration directed at him and myself for drinking him into my thirsty soul. It would be so easy to do as he suggested, but dammit, he hadn’t asked. He’dcommanded. He hadn’t addressed the Chandler issue or why he hadn’t come home the night I arrived back in Chicago. Instead, he came with that lawyerly air of superiority. As if his simple statement was all it was going to take for me to drop to my knees, suck him off in appreciation of his kindness.
“I won’t leave without you. I reviewed the security feed from that night and saw what you obviously did. I regret putting myself in such a compromising situation. Nothing happened between Chandler and me. I woke up the following day in my office. Chandler had taken my files and disappeared. It’s a convoluted situation, but I take responsibility, and I apologize once more.” I didn’t retreat as that felt like surrendering control. Instead, I towered over him, explaining my new truth.
“I’ll never return to Chicago. My life isn’t tied to that city anymore. You no longer hold that place in my heart. We’ve drifted apart. When you chose to exclude me in your dinners or cocktail hour…” I shook my head. I had to be succinct or tears might build. “I embarrassed you and your company. I should’ve taken off when you took their side.”
“You’ve never embarrassed me,” he said firmly, and I cut him right off.
“I know what I heard. You thrive in that world. The wealth, the prestige. Everything you’ve created serves as proof of what you lost when your family kicked you out. You deserve all the success. I want a simple life. We were always back to this unresolved conflict. We’re too different,” I explained to his shaking head.
“What I’ve accomplished was for the benefit of you. The money I’ve earned and the life I’ve provided was all with you in mind. Rock climbing isn’t cheap. The gear and trips come with a cost. Yet, I’ve rarely been invited to go with you.”
I laughed right in his face. “You were invited, but I got tired of the constant rejections. And my hobbies are far cheaper than thecars you keep buying,” I shot out, my willingness to compromise was fading fast. Fuck him for bringing up the activities that kept me sane through all the hours I spent alone. Fishing and climbing were literally all I had anymore.
“Beau.” Dash sighed, clearly frustrated with me. I sensed the way he insinuated that I was being foolish. Fuck him for making me feel inferior yet again. “We’ve made commitments to one another. We are meant to be together.”
I shook my head, remembering who he and I were right now, not the past. “We were kids who settled into life like middle-aged men. We’ve never dated anyone else. We’ve drifted apart because we are opposites in every way. I need time to sort out my life, manage my bills, and live within my means. I want to know what it feels like to be independent.” I was seconds away from saying that I couldn’t live with the complications and manipulations of a lawyer when tears developed in Dash’s eyes.
“While all that may be true, I can’t bear the thought of losing you,” he said. I didn’t disagree. I’ve mourned him these last couple of days. “Please, give me something to hold on to. Some glimmer of hope.”
I watched the tears gather enough momentum to roll down his cheeks. Oh, that was too much to see. My head hung low, and my eyelids shut. I caused his pain, just like I caused my own. It didn’t change the fact that he and I had grown apart, and I placed the blame squarely on him. I had remained basically the same person I’d always been.
Dash inched closer to me and leaned in, his fingers intertwining with mine. The tender grasp felt both familiar and secure. And those feelings turned out to be a façade. Dash hurt because he’d lost. After all the years of fighting for his clients, he’d become a man who’d lost sight of what life looked like. He wanted me to go back to Chicago, and sit in that house alone,waiting for him to eventually return. I refused to be a possession again.
“We need some time apart. Emotion can’t dictate this decision. You need to really consider what’s important to you. I do too. It’s unfair of me to ask you to live the life I want to live.”
