Once I’m out of the shower, the smell of coffee fills my house. The living room has been cleaned up, and it’s obvious someone has spritzed some air freshener around. I can’t tell if lettingme linger in my own pathetic self-loathing would have been a punishment, or making me face the day will be worse.
They usher me around the kitchen, fawning over me like I’m the victim and not the one who did the damage. I need to call Mia. I need her to know that I didn’t mean whatever I said last night. I wish I could remember.
Once I’ve had two cups of coffee and some toast, I’m ready to visit Helen. Before I do, I walk the few hundred yards to Mia’s house and knock on the door. I try to smooth down the sweater I’m wearing, pushing my glasses back up the bridge of my nose. The house is dark, the curtains drawn. There’s no answer, just as I’d thought. I can’t imagine she’ll want to talk to me anytime soon, but I will make this right.
The thought of leaving her a note crops up, but after the notes she received from Nate, I can’t imagine that would help my cause, so I don’t. I send her a text instead.
Alfie:I can’t even imagine what I put you through last night. I’m sorry and I want to talk to you whenever you’re ready. I want to make this right, Mia. I’m so sorry.
I steel myself, taking a deep breath, and meet Caleb in the car. Given how much I drank last night, I wouldn’t feel safe getting behind the wheel, but he offered to come with me to see how Helen is getting on.
???
“Oh, you look as good as me.” Helen laughs, ushering us in. Her boyfriend is by her side, a steady palm on her shoulder, smiling politely.
I wince at my lack of professionalism. I’ve done house calls before, of course, but never hungover.
The pink house is mostly painted white on the inside. It kind of seems like a blank canvas, and by the time I am ushered into the living room, I can see why. A collage of artwork adorns the far wall, above a royal blue velvet couch, a pair of cowboy boots sit next to a pile of books with half naked men on the covers.
“I change the posters as and when I feel like.” Helen smiles, watching me assess the art.
“Change with the seasons?”
“Something like that. I just love them all. I couldn’t imagine having only one thing up there.”
“It’s very you.” I smile as warmly as possible whilst looking at the nasty cut on her forehead.
“I’ll make everyone a cup of tea,” her boyfriend Andrew chirps before heading into the kitchen.
Caleb leans against the arched entryway, his arms folded across his chest.
We sit on the sofa quietly until Andrew hands us all a unique cup and saucer. I take a sip and think of my mother and the tea she always makes me when I come to visit. What would she think of me now?
Caleb and Andrew head to the garden to admire the plants that Helen has been growing and leave us alone.
“I’m alright, Dr. Adams, I promise.” She smiles. “It was just a shock, that’s all.”
Given that Helen isn’t really a patient anymore, I decide to be honest. “When I got the call, I thought I’d missed something from our last session. That maybe you were saying goodbye in a way that wouldn’t make me think you were…that you were tying up loose ends.”
“Alfie,” she places a warm hand on mine, “is this why you look like crap?” She smiles, her eyes crinkling at the edges.
“Partly,” I admit.
“Mmhmm. I reckon you’ve gone and done something stupid.”
“I reckon I have,” I mumble into my teacup.
“Well, I’m all okay here. I’ve got Andy looking after me. But who is looking after you?”
Me?
I frown, and she laughs, rolling her eyes.
“You men are all the same, convinced you don’t need to be cared for just as much as you need to take care of others. My ex-husband, he was caring once. But he got bitter, as you know. Eventually he put up so many walls around himself, convincing himself that’s what great men do, but do you know what? Great men are usually total shits.”
I splutter my tea, my eyes widening.
“I’m serious,” she continues. “I have a theory that every great man that ever was, was a massive shithead. I bet they were all terrible partners andlovers.”
