For now, I just have to wait and pray that Mia wants to talk to me soon.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mia
“Oh, Dr. Angel. How far you have fallen.” Lana scoffs, shaking her head on the screen of my phone.
I sniffle, rubbing away the tears on my wet cheeks.
In the last hour, I’ve caught Lana up to speed on every aspect of my life. The notes from Nate, the fake-turned real relationship, the fact that I’m a doctor, and now that I’m single again in a house that apparently belongs to me.
I’ve kept the curtains drawn and the lights off. I’m not ready to speak to Alfie, or anyone else, despite the number of calls and messages I’ve received. My mom even told me he called her to check I was okay. But it’s been four days and I haven’t felt the urge to talk to him yet. I don’t need another explanation as to how I’m a terrible influence on him and I’ll be the ruin of his career and life. I am grateful he messaged me to say that Helen was at home and doing well.
I had a lot to think about. Lottie’s offer of a job and basically a mentorship would be amazing. Honestly, people would kill forthis kind of opportunity. But she’s Alfie’s best friend, could I really face a lifetime of seeing him again?
Would I still keep in contact with the Dinner Club?
Would I attend? No, of course not.
“I think you should go for it,” Lana says, reading my thoughts. “Don’t let a man take this opportunity away from you.”
Psychologically, I agree. If Lana were in my position now, I’d be screaming at her to fuck this guy off, but on her big girl pants and take this opportunity. But my heart is aching; it feels wilted, like it’s lost all its structure and it's started to drip down my body. There’s a gaping hole that used to hold it up. I rub my chest instinctively.
“I think I’m going to do it.”
“Atta girl. Besides, when my six months in Puerto Rico are finished, I need some contacts. You’re my only one right now.” She winks playfully.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll find someone to fake date you until they break your heart, then we can be twins.”
“Dios mio, the drama.” She fans her face. “You could have come here and done this placement with me, avoided it all.”
My heart lurches at the thought. Even though it’s awful, and my heart is broken, I’m still glad I put myself out there to be loved. I took a chance again, and I haven’t done that since Carter. Not that Carter counts because he was predatory, and frankly, the whole situation is beyond creepy and exploitative. But I’m not going to let that define me anymore. And my relationship with Alfie, although it ended badly, was a good relationship. I loved him, and I genuinely believed he loved me too. He just couldn’t get out of his own way. And despite the messages he’s been sending me now, and the voicemails which I haven’t listened to, I’m not willing to be with someone that isn't all in. I deserve someone to give me their all. Someone to love meregardless of what their job is and their other obligations are. I may not find it anytime soon, but I will find it at some point.
I feel stronger than I have in a long time. I’m not afraid to face the consequences of a relationship that hasn’t worked out. I feel like I can take on anything. Things have changed so much in the last few weeks, and with my best friend being away, there hasn’t been anyone to remind me that I’m Mia Sinclair. Someone who rebuilt their life from nothing after being exploited at seventeen. Someone who got their Ph-fucking-D. Someone who loves people and is strong enough to walk away when that love isn’t enough. I’m also someone who can forgive. I don’t think I could ever forgive Carter for what he did to me. But Alfie? After all he’s been through, all the hurt he’s endured and the pressure from his father? Yeah, I can forgive him for not getting it right the first time something went wrong.
I finish my call with Lana and call Lottie before I lose my nerve.
“Mia, hi.”
“Hey, Lottie. Sorry it’s been a few days. I’ve had a lot to think about.”
“Hey, no worries. How are you?”
“I’m good. I just needed some time to think everything through, especially with how close you are with Alfie.”
“I totally get it, but let me be clear, the job has nothing to do with him. Completely separate, and if never hearing his name again is what you want, I’ll never mention the utter butthole of a man again.”
I laugh for the first time in days. “I can’t imagine anyone ever calling Alfie a butthole.”
“Well, he’s being one,” she snips. “He’s an idiot and utterly stupid for pushing you away.”
A feeling of guilt seeps through me, my shoulders hunching. “I understand why he did, though. I wish he had taken a moment to process before saying what he did.”
“I know. And even though he is a foolish meat-for-brains, he is my friend, and I will say this once, and one time only…he is devastated, Mia. Utterly beside himself that it was his actions that pushed you away. He knows he doesn’t deserve a second chance, but if you were ever to give him one, and I’m not saying you should,but if you did, he would be an excellent groveler. I’m sure of it.”
I smile again, yeah, Alfie gives off that vibe.
“Anyway! Enough talking about men who don’t know their ass from their elbow when it comes to romantic relationships. Did you decide whether you want the job?”
