Soft, delicate fingers curl around my jaw before her lips find mine, hovering there. “I love you, Roman Shore. So much that these last few days felt like they would never pass.”
Leaning into her touch, I free the words I’ve held trapped for too long.
“Five years ago, my parents convinced me and Lena to come spend a weekend at their lake house. They’d had it for a while, but I hadn’t gone out to see it because of work and just an overall lack of wanting to go. It was still so soon after I’d joined the Havoc, and there were too many people in the organization who didn’t think I had what it took to make the team work. If it weren’t for Evie coming, I probably would have turned them down again, but they knew I always had a soft spot for her.
“The first two days were fine. I was never close with my parents due to a plethora of reasons I don’t want to get intonow or ever, maybe. My father and I stopped talking for similar reasons as your brother and father, and it was only a matter of time before the same happened with my mom. Lena, though, she was my mother’s best friend. I couldn’t figure out why they were so close, but then again, I didn’t put that much thought into it.”
I wet my lips and attempt to get my mouth to stop being so dry. Brielle’s stroking my neck and jaw now, her movements calm and soft.
“They had a boat docked at the lake, and after being guilted into it for the third day in a row, I agreed to go out with everyone. Evie was only sixteen at the time and had convinced my parents to buy all of these tubes and even a pair of Jet Skis to use while we were there. She was so fucking happy that morning. Her music blared from the speakers for hours, and I swore that I’d never seen her eyes so bright and free. From the moment she stepped onto the boat, she’d forgotten about her piece-of-shit father, who, by some miracle, Lena had left home for the weekend. Then, Evie got Lena on a tube with her. My sister had been drinking, like everyone but my father was, and refused to wear her life jacket. I think she wanted to get back at me for making a big deal out of her boyfriend not coming, and since I’d been the one to tell her to put it on in the first place, she took the first opportunity she could.
“I sat on the back seat of the boat while my dad drove it across the lake, just watching the two of them and making sure that if and when they flew off, I’d be the first to know. Evie was laughing so loud that I could hear it clearly over the engine, the music, and the waves crashing. Fuck, even Lena was laughing alongside her. I finished my beer and looked away to set my can aside because, for once, everyone was just so happy, and I didn’t have to worry.”
My throat closes up. There’s a burn in my lungs, growing more furious with every too-quick breath I try to take.
“Roman. Hey, I’m here,” Brielle says, both hands on my face now. I blink, trying to clear the fog from my vision. “I’m right here. You’re not alone.”
“They both went under,” I croak, reaching up and gripping both her wrists. “I looked away, and they both went under, and suddenly, Evie was stuck beneath the tube. She’d been the one to wear a life jacket, and she was a great swimmer. Better than me or Lena. But it took her too long to come back up again. I jumped into the water, and I should have gone to Lena. My mom was the only one who saw how high they flew through the air before they fell again, and I heard her screaming at me that she thought Evie had hurt herself. I went for her first, because she was just a kid. And she was Evie, and if she drowned—I made the choice to search for her first. So I heaved the tube away and found her, because shehadbeen wearing a life jacket. She’d come up out of the water, and while I knew her arm was broken, she didn’t need to swim to keep herself above it.
“She was crying and screaming at me to find her mom because shehadn’tcome up. Lena hadn’t popped her head out of the water because she wouldn’t put on a fucking life jacket just to spite me. I don’t know when my dad got into the water, but suddenly, he was taking Evie and telling me to find my sister because even if he had been able to do it himself, he could barely pull Evie to the boat, let alone a grown woman. So, I kept looking. And looking, and fucking looking until there were all of these other people in the water with me and I was being hauled onto a different boat with my skin so cold it was blue.”
Brielle’s holding me now. I don’t know when she pulled me into her body or wrapped her arms around me, but she’s squeezing my sides and rubbing my back. It’s so warm, so safe. Like this tiny woman dressed in all pink is the best form of protection I’ve ever had. I squeeze my eyes shut and press my lips to her shoulder.
“They found her hours later. She’d . . . she’d hit her head on the water when they fell and lost consciousness. I didn’t look for her fast enough. It takes six to ten minutes to die from drowning. If I’d looked for her first, I’d have found her before she’d sunk so far.”
“Evie needed you,” Brielle states, sounding so sure it makes my chest ache worse. Like I’m the one drowning. “You know this wasn’t your fault. Tell me you know that.”
“I know it now. I’ve had five years to hate myself for what happened and to realize that it was out of my hands. There were too many variables that day . . . too many things to go wrong.”
“Thank you for telling me,” she murmurs, kissing the tip of my nose. The soft press of her lips drifts to my right cheek, then my left, and finally, my mouth.
I kiss her back deeply, as if her lips will somehow seal back up the cracked pieces of me I’ve just shown her. She buries her fingers in my hair and pulls me deeper into her embrace, our bodies finding each other in the small confines of the car.
There’s no hiding the wet streaks that slide down my cheeks when the tears reach her mouth. She tastes them and tightens her hold, accepting my pain and heartbreak and making room for it inside her. I fist her shirt and haul her over the console until I finally have her body on mine.
We don’t stop kissing.
Not when the windows start to fog or when my lips start to burn from use. She holds me for what feels like hours, and I cling to her for just as long. Because I’m not alone, and I won’t ever be again.
47
BRIELLE
“Arewe here to get naughty photos taken together?” I ask while Roman struggles with the door.
The studio he took me to is the same one where I had my boudoir shoot, only now, there’s no light streaming through the front gallery window that’s been boarded up on the inside. Curiosity tickles the back of my brain as I press my front to his back and peek over to see him twisting the key into the lock for the third time.
“No, we’re not here for that,” he says with a sigh.
“Thank God. Our faces are far too puffy for pictures.”
His laugh cuts through the quiet street. “Help me with the door.”
“Well, since you asked so nicely.”
I bump his hip to make space for me to step in. When I steal the key from him, he pinches my ass cheek, making me squeak.
“You’re feeling spectacularly bratty this afternoon. Is there a reason for that?” His voice dips low as his lips find the back of my ear. “I’m already hanging on by a thread, Brielle.”
