Pippa inched away. Anger frothed inside her. She missed him so much in those horrid, early weeks. Back then, she would have killed to hear him say those very words. In fact, she would have probably crawled across broken glass to get her old life back, but Alex had gone, and she’d had no choice but to forge a new life from the scraps he’d left her with. He looked so wretched, standing humble and teary-eyed before her. Pippa forced herself to speak. “I missed you too.” She ground each word out in a strangled voice.
Alex dipped his head for a kiss and Pippa recoiled. He flinched. “Sorry.”
“What the fuck?” she yelped.
He gestured helplessly. “I–I thought— You said you missed me.”
“Yeah, missed as in,past tense, Alex!” She couldn’t believe how dense he was being. “I had weeks … months, of missing you. And now, when I’ve finally learned to live without you, you turn up here thinking I’ll welcome you back with open arms?”
“Of course not!” He reached for her hands again. “We had something so special, and I ruined it.” His eyes searched hers. “Pip. We spent nearly half our lives together. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but please hear me out.”
Even as outrage racked her body, Pippa could see his point. She took a deep breath, then pointed towards the sitting room. She probably should listen to what he had to say at least, if only to get closure. “Go and sit down. I’ll put the kettle on.”
A glimmer of hope shone from Alex’s eyes. “Okay. Great. Thank you.” He caressed her cheek, briefly, then headed to the sitting room. Pippa scurried to the kitchen and as soon as she was out of sight of him, she allowed the tears to fall. She turned on the kettle then bolted out to the back garden, where she cried openly, painfully. Deep, racking sobs took over her body, leaving her breathless and weak-kneed. What was she to do? On the one hand, it wasAlex.One-time future husband, the man she’d constructed her entire life and purpose around. Learning to live without him had been like growing a new limb, yet she’d done it. But did he really believe that waltzing back into her life with a hangdog expression and some meaningful handholding would remedy all the ills between them? Anger, frustration and misery jostled with each other for dominance.
Pippa took a deep breath and another, allowing the fresh breeze to dry her skin. Alex would no doubt come looking for her if she dwelled too long out here and she didn’t want to give him the benefit of seeing her cry. No, she had to have this talk. Their relationship had meant too much for her to dismiss him entirely, Alex was right on that score. But as for taking him back… Pippa looked inside herself for the answer. However, the overwhelming ‘yes’ that would have been there months ago was absent. In its place was something fiery and tenacious that felt an awful lot like hope. Instinctively, Pippa knew that she wanted to nurture that feeling, keep it for herself. Keep it from Alex.
Resolved, she let herself back into the house and rinsed her face at the sink, then made the teas, texting Mae as she did so to postpone their fair meeting. Then she carried the teas through to the sitting room.
Alex stood with his back to her, his hefty frame a dark outline against the large window. His feet were placed wide, one hand jammed in his rear jeans pocket. Pippa was struck by a memory so strong it almost made her cry out; of him piggybacking her through the farmyard on the first day of autumn, both of them laughing so much it made their throats hurt. She’d been so sure of their love that day, so certain that they were sharing the same vision of the future. It killed her to think how wrong she’d been.
But then it hit Pippa;Alexwas the one crawling back, not her. She had nothing to be ashamed of. Taking strength from that, she strode into the room and handed him a mug. Alex reached out his other hand tentatively and stroked her upper back.
“Thanks,” he said softly.
Pippa edged away from his touch and nodded towards the sofa. “Let’s sit,” she said. As she lowered herself to the sofa, she realised how filthy her clothes were, so she hurriedly grabbed some newspaper from the side to protect the furniture.
Just then, Wolfie’s feet thudded down the stairs and he emerged into the hallway, phone glued to his ear. Pippa’s mouth went dry at the sight of him. Alex shifted position and his legs jammed against hers.
“Is this the elusive Wolfie Squires?” Alex asked her. His voice was loud enough to distract Wolfie from his call. His eyes tracked from Pippa to Alex and back again as he listened to whatever his caller was saying. It occurred to her then that he must be assuming Alex was the company she had mentioned to him out on the moors earlier that morning. Pippa had a sudden urge to vault over the sofa and make it clear that wasn’t the case.
“It is,” Pippa confirmed to Alex, subtly moving away from him as she spoke.
“Don’t mention it,” Wolfie cooed down the phone even as his eyes bored into Pippa’s. “Please let me.”
Pippa averted her gaze and looked down into her mug. The girlfriend, had to be. Pippa took a scalding sip of tea, hoping the temperature would burn away the misery she felt in that instant.
Wolfie finished the call, placing the phone in his pocket. “Hullo,” he said as he entered the sitting room.
“Hi.” Pippa greeted him as cheerily as she could, as if everything was totally normal and her world wasn’t crashing around her ears.
“Alex Goodman.” Alex jumped up, hand extended. “Nice to meet you.”
“I see.” Wolfie shook Alex’s hand, his gaze coolly assessing. He turned to Pippa. “Everything okay?”
“Fine,” she assured him.
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Alex said. “Pip was about to fill me in on everything she’s been doing here.” He squeezed her shoulder.
Wolfie’s eyes flicked to where Alex touched her and Pippa subtly brushed off his hand, annoyed. Alex hadn’t earned the right to touch her so familiarly.
“She’s doing a terrific job,” Wolfie said eventually. “It’s a shame I’m selling the place, as she’s been an excellent custodian. Rampaging pigs aside.”
Pippa stifled a laugh. Alex frowned down at her. “You didn’t mention the place was for sale.” Alex spoke as if he and Pippa had been having multiple conversations recently, like there had been no rift between them. Pippa ground her teeth at the cheek of it.
“It’s not for sale anymore,” Wolfie said brusquely, and Pippa’s heart briefly soared, before he clarified, “it’s been sold.” He jammed both hands in his pockets. “Nothing’s been signed yet, but I expect the paperwork very soon.”
“And what happens to you when this place sells?” Alex asked Pippa, his handsome face creasing with worry.
